I go ballistic! yeah u're making me a crazy chick
by ZuXy.Q
Summary: He turned on the light. I wished he hadn't. There lying in the middle of the pile of coats was Jared Middleton. My Jared. Shirtless, straddled by some girl, looking straight back at me. Jared imprints in the worst case scenario. Funny and sassy Kim.
1. Kind of a slut but not so much

**Summary: Kim's platonic love is Jared. Whatever,cuz Kim doesn't do boyfriends. She's way cooler, or so she thinks. When Jared is not so platonic anymore, things get a bit complicated. A whacked out chick and a freaking werewolf surely make a hell of a story.**

**a/N: Okay so I'm having like a major writer's block, I need to update two of my stories, plus another story on another secret account i have lol. And i have like pieces of everything and I can't finish the chapters so instead of working on those I came up with these little crazy story. A totally different Kim, don't get me wrong I love Kim and Jared but I wanted to do something different with Kim.**

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**I go ballistic! Yeah you're making me a crazy chick**

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**1. Kind of a slut but not so much.**

"Kimmie, Keemo, KiiiiiMM!!! Get your rounded ass here this instant!" One of my friends, Lexie most likely yelled. These girls know nothing of private space. I should teach them a thing or two. But who am I kidding, I love them. I grew up with them, after all La Push is really small. We have a population 364, so people are close, they don't have a choice. At least most of them are, there quite a few exceptions..

I finished stashing some of my books in the locker and made my way into our classroom

Of course they were laughing, they stopped to asses my expression.

"She's in a good mood" Sarah piped in. I was a bit known for my mood swings. I tended to be a bitch sometimes. I only grinned wider at Sarah, she on the other hand was all sweet and mellow. Completely calm and a little bit shy at times. Of course nothing like Lexie who was attention craving freak, pretending not to and quite a beauty. Maddie and I balanced them, her taking a bit more on Sarah's sweet side and shyness and me drawing attention to myself sometimes, just not in a good way.

As I said before we were really close, sleep overs, shopping, vacations, experimenting kissing each other.. yeah we were that close. We were so close we could even go to bathroom together and gossip while one of us was peeing. Okay so we did it once and we were really drunk, but you get the picture of how close we are right?

I took my seat and finally turned to Lexie.

"Your ass is huge while mine is pretty much non existent" I started "I wouldn't yell about my ass for all the school to hear. It's just cruel" I complained.

"Honey I can't say get your rounded boobs here this instant" Lex dismissed me. "Besides I've been waiting to hear about it!!Spill now" I knew there was a reason I was stalling getting to Math. It was the only class the four of shared and I was being submitted to testify about my little escapade on Paul's party.

Damn.!

"You were there. I don't know why you're asking you watched us" I said pulling out my agenda and avoiding her eager gossip eyes.

"Things got pretty heated up" Sarah murmured. People were beginning to take their seats. We had like five minutes tops.

"Shut up. Anton was gasping for air when you guys finally pulled away" I countered. Sarah only blushed red, and Maddie was laughing.

"Okay what we really want to know is if Jared has been replaced in your heart by Paul?" I poked Maddie on her arm with my pencil for asking so loud, anyone could hear.

Jared was this god-like persona. On whom I used to have the biggest crush ever. It started out when I had just turned fourteen. I swear it was like freaking magic. It was a hot day of summer, we were down at the beach enjoying the sun obviously, when I saw him, like really really saw him. He was playing beach volleyball shirtless, rays of light bathing that body of his and I was lost. He was not the most handsome or anything like that. And of course I had seen him plenty of times at school before, but something changed. And it was hello Jared crush.

We haven't kissed, hugged, touched or even talked. We only sit next to each other on our History class. But I don't complain, about a year ago I concluded my feelings or emotions or reactions whatever I get when I think about him or see him it's purely platonic. And I am almost sure it's fading, he's has not been on school for almost 12 days, 13 if he doesn't show today. Not that I'm counting of course.

"I don't think Paul and Jared fall in the same category. I don't even talk to Jared. Jesus. It was purely platonic, and I might be coming out of it. Not that I am crushing on Paul Collins. I'm just entering like a no guys phase" I shuddered. The guy was such a man-whore.

"We'll see. Say Paul" Lexie asked for our little proof. When we were freshmen we discovered we couldn't help smiling, grinning or laughing when we said the name of a guy we were crushing on. It was like the ultimate test to prove if someone was lying or notice a new infatuation.

"Paul" Zip, zero, nada. They were surprised for a moment. But quickly accepted my no interest on the player.

"Jared now" I laughed when Lexie said it. UrgH! Just hearing his name cracked me up. I took a couple of breaths settling into the most serious expression before I uttered the word.

"Jaared" The D did it. My lips curved into a huge showing teeth smile, and my cheeks flushed. Okay so maybe I was still crushing what was the big deal anyways it was not like he was going to start talking to me all of a sudden. Or anything.

After being their little comical relief for a minute or two, we switched topics, and kept joking for the rest of the class.

* * *

We were sprawled in the grass trying to come up with ideas for Lexie's newly found interest.

"There's Michael's bash next weekend" Maddie supplied. "Just find out if he's going and.."

"Get him drunk and get it over with "I finished the sentence. Okay so don't get me wrong we weren't sluts or something like that. Okay so maybe we were a little bit. But for one we were all virgins, at least in the technical way since none of us had done the deed per se.

Lexie and me had gone south once. And except for Sarah we had touched and been touched pretty much everywhere. It was not something I was ashamed of, it was just like natural. Besides we hardly kept a relationship. We had the bad luck of falling for the wrong guys when we entered our teen years.

Daydreaming about impossible love shuts you down from the real world and makes you reject the others. So we didn't date in our early years much, and then when we were old enough to go out we didn't want to date. We wanted to party. We went solo, all girls, and it's inevitable getting attention from males. Problem is you are not going to meet Mr. Right going clubbing, or playing pool, or at parties full of beer.

When we had tried dating, it was disaster, we got bored doing usual dating activities and in the night it was problematic, since boyfriends tend to get all jealous and possessive and it's no fun.

Sarah who did have a boyfriend. Anton. Said our real problem was that we had never fallen in love. Maybe she was right but until that happened we were going to have as much fun as we could.

* * *

"I hate to admit it, but I'm bummed he didn't come to school today again" I admitted to Maddie on our walk back home from school.

"I knew he was the reason you yelled at Lex" Maddie said laughing "I'm sure it's nothing, I told you my brother and Seth saw him out on the beach with Sam"

"Sam? As in Sam Uley?" I asked confused. Maddie nodded. She hadn't mentioned Sam or I would've rememebered. See. Jared and Sam were never friends when Sam was in high school. Quite the contrary. You see my Jared was really close to his girlfriend back then, ergo they didn't get along.

"Who else do you know by the name of Sam. Anyways he looked fine, a little buffer Brady said but that's good" Maddie kept talking about buff guys, and tight butts. And I was lost.

You can't blame I'm seventeen, hormonal and horny. Just like a guy.

Who says girls aren't allowed to

* * *

"Stop it Paul" I said trying to ignore him.

"What now I can't seat next to you?" He asked defensively putting his hands in front of his face protectively. I huffed, I wasn't going to hit him. So I did have a fame for hitting people, but only those who were close to me.

Paul was definitely not on my list of close friends. Did I forget to mention he has a girlfriend, well had. They broke up on Friday, and we snogged on Saturday. Which would explain why she and her posse are glaring directly at me. And well, I am no sucker for drama it's just that how long was he supposed to mourn, I'm sure I was just the rebound. And he's always been annoying. To my defense I was pretty drunk and he looked hot. Okay so I lied I was a tid bit attracted to Paul, but it was purely physical.

The boy knows how to kiss, how to hold your hair, your face, your neck…

I stopped myself, this was wrong and he needed to leave. Jared could come today and that was his seat, and over him or not. I liked sitting next to him. History was boring and I needed to keep myself distracted.

I was about to shoo him again when I felt being shadowed by someone.

"That's my seat" My Jared said. I tried to shut down the stupid butterflies that were doing laps up and down my stomach.

"There's another seat there" Paul sneered pointing to the bench on my other side. Jared mumbled something like fine, and sat there. He didn't even acknowIedge me, who did he think he was. Urgh! Stupid rushing blood, stupid cheeks, I was flushed.

"So, what are you doing on Friday?" Paul asked oblivious to the fact thar Mr. Jones had already started his lecture.

"Michael's" I replied. Starting to take notes. So maybe I was going to be forced to pay attention for once. Between Jared and his non polite ways and Paul's annoying smirks and not so PG-13 remarks I had no choice.

"Maybe I'll see you there"

"Maybe you will" Okay so I was so going to make out with him. Damn it Kim, get a pair, and restrain yourself. Sometimes I really think God had gave us the wrong brains, Lexie said we thought a lot like boys sometimes, when maybe we should be into Zac Efron giggling like stupid girls over makeup and those things, instead of being horny and scheming to kiss guys at random parties.

Maybe that was the solution, maybe I could ask Jared to Michael's party and get him drunk and make out with him....

That would be sweet. But who was I kidding I didn't talk to the guy. But well he might go to the party.

And maybe only maybe we could wind up together.

Yeah right.

I was so snogging Paul again.

Urgh!

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**A/n: DON'T BE MEAN AND I KNOW KIMS SUPPOSED TO BE SHY LALALA DIFFERENT KIM....LOL I HOPE NO ONE IF OFFENDED WITH HOW'S KIM AND HER FRIENDS... and paul is not in love with kim or will be or anything of that sort..... no mushy stuff**


	2. Ignoring me? Try ignoring ur haircut

**Summary: Kim's platonic love is Jared. Whatever,cuz Kim doesn't do boyfriends. She's way cooler, or so she thinks. When Jared is not so platonic anymore, things get a bit complicated. A whacked out chick and a freaking werewolf surely make a hell of a story.**

**a/N: hahaha i just saw this clip of my boyfriend Alex Meraz where he says Rob smells like roses, omg he's so funny and hot and sexy and i am so ditching team jacob for team paul. Seriously the guy just reeks sexyness... **

**BTW i AM STILL BLOCKED SO I AM LOVING my poorly read story lol. thanks to those of you who reviewed sophia666,blackeve,lalala and liz. And to ITripOnLevelSurfaces and Gryffindorf Gurl2 who put my new baby on story alert.**

**Disclaimer: SM.. **

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**I go ballistic! Yeah you're making me a crazy chick**

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**2. Ignore me?? Try ignoring your haircut.**

So we were having lunch, when all of a sudden Jared throws up a chair in the cafeteria, starts shaking like a maniac and disappears for the rest of the day, he doesn't come back to school until thursday. Apparently some senior commented on his looks. Who knew the guy cared about his physical appearance that much. I didn't, and I would have to add that to the list of bad trades I had started on Tuesday. Rude, impolite and vain.

And honestly you couldn't blame Jonhatan (I think was his name) for saying something about it. I mean he had a freaky growth spurt, plus it seemed like those gym classes were finally paying off or he was in steroids. The guy was huge, tall, and sportying a totally new haircut. Which I hated.

I hate when guys do that. I haven't met one man, young or old who cuts his hair and looks better. They simply don't. It doesn't matter how ugly or handsome they are, when they cut the hair they look worse. And then you have to wait for it to grow again so they can be normal looking again.

"Relax. Tomorrow is Friday" Lexie said in a musical voice.

"I might not go. The curfew my parents are setting is ridiculous" Sarah wined

"I blame Anton" I said. See that's why boyfriends suck they make parents suspicious and relentless to letting their daughters go out at night…

"You could stay at my place" Maddie offered

"Hey I thought I was staying at your place" I huffed. And Sara started saying that it was okay if she didn't go. What a victim, I ignored her, but was forced to mutter an apology when Maddie shook her head at my rudeness. That only got Lexie complaining about how she was going to be left out, so I came up with an idea.

"So Colin can go stay with your parents, and we can stay at my house" My parents were leaving for the weekend to Chicago. Colin and I were supposedly staying at Maddie's, that's what mom had planned. I had other ideas.

"We just have to come up with something to tell your parents" I said when I saw Maddie looking concerned.

"Just tell them I'm having a slumber party" Lexie said.

"See" I smiled. It was going to be perfect.

"I don't know Kim.."

"Nonsense. Shut it. It's perfect" I clapped my hands enthusiastically. My vision was clouded by a pair of warm hands. I groaned.

"Get off Paul" he was hit by Lexie with a book, and the douchebag only laughed.I shook my head in amusement at his weird ways, and he only winked at me and made his way out of the cafeteria. I got up and followed, I had class with him and the conceited prat.

Jared Middleton

Twenty minutes into class and oh surprise he hasn't even looked my way. I am bit clumsy in the way that I tend to drop things all the time. So my pencils, papers, and pens are on the floor constantly. You would think he'd have the decency to pick one of my things up when they fall, if you did you would be so wrong.

And I don't know why it pisses me off so much, it's not like things have changed. Maybe I am just PMS-ing. Maybe it's his haircut, who knows, thing is I have to rid myself of this stupid crush that's getting me nowhere.

* * *

"So Kim guess who Brady saw the other day" My kid brother said in the middle of dinner. I kicked him under the table pretending he hadn't spoken at all.

"Who?" My mother inquired.

"Jaaaared. Buddy buddy with Sam Uley" Stupid Colin he was so going to pay for that. I hoped Dad had caught his tone, he would get grounded for even bothering me with a guy. Dad was very overprotective, no one in the house was allowed to link me with a guy's name, let alone imply of a boyfriend. And just as if I had asked him to, dad spoke.

"And that concerns your sister how?" Dad snapped. Colin only shrugged his shoulders and returned to his steak. I smiled in satisfaction.

"Well that Uley kid is not good news" Mom shook her head.

"So what if he disappeared for a few months" I didn't understand why the whole rez was making l such a big deal about it. Of course his crazy ex girlfriend and mom were worried sick when he went missing, I sympathized but that was months ago. These people really needed to lay down on the gossip.

"Well Kim he was supposed to go to college and…"

"Shocker, another college drop out here in the rez. Big deal mom."

"Kimberly don't talk to your mother like that" My father's stern voice said "Not that I need to tell you but just in case stay away from those boys"

I laughed "Dad, Sam's old. And well Jared he …we are not even friends." I watched Colin spilling some water into his plate, the little fucker was laughing at me. Bastard.

"Good. Let's keep it that way." If only Dad knew how much I wanted to change that little fact. Scratch that. I was so over him. Stupid steroid user.

* * *

"Kim look out the window" Maddie said conspicuously. I let the brush down and turned around.

What was Sam doing here…

Jared. AAAAhh!!! I wanted to scream my lungs out. My ego could only take so much...

And just in cue the hot freaky giant exited the building climbed into Sam's truck and dissappeared.

Argh!!

I returned to my painting and grimaced. Maddie laughed."Don't look so happy"

"Why should I?" I snapped

"Easy, what did he do now?" And that was the problem he did nothing, He hadn't looked at me once since he had came back. I know I was convincing or more like tricking myself into saying I didn't like him anymore, but he could surely spare me glance. I wasn't that hedious. Hell I wasn't even ugly. I was smart and sort of pretty, I was fun. I was quite a catch and he couldn't give me the time of the day. Stupid arrogant ass.

"Nothing. I'm just moody. I can't wait to get out of here… Remind me again why we decided to take painting classes after school"

"Extra credit" Sarah said, she was the only one from the three of us who had real talent for this and who truly enjoyed our time here. For me it was more like a distraction and like she had said extra credit. I needed as much of that as I could get, I was getting off to college after high school and never coming back. I would visit my parents but aside from that I had bigger plans for myself.

I brightened as the time passed. The prospect of dressing up, doing my hair and make up meanwhile getting tipsy with my best friends sounded fabulous. I now it seems a bit shallow but it was really something special. When you get to share so many aspects of your life with the same people it's different. I mean we were there for Lexie when her mom passed away, and when Sarah's parents got divorced. So what if we did crazy stuff too, it's just taking friendship to another level. We didn't need to play truth or dare anymore, to find out stuff. It all came naturally.

When we finally got home, Lexie was on the porch waiting. The girl was jumping up and down, probably on a sugar rush.

"Child molester" I teased her once we were in my room, that earned me a roaring laugh from my friends.

"He's not that young Besides he's so adorable." Lexie beamed. "And from what I hear your lover boy is going to be there"

"Yeah I heard from the boy himself all week" I complained.

"Not Paul, you idiot. Jaaaared" She said ina sing sang voice. My heart literally skipped a beat.

"Like I care "I mumbled trying to lose myself in my closet.

"Yeah right" Lexie huffed. I ignored their blabbering, I was definetely going to prove them wrong. That buffy meaty steroid user wasn' t going to dazzle me anymore., I wouldn't even care if I was invisible to him.

* * *

"Kimmie, kimmie"he whispered in my ears, his hands kept trying to get inside my dress. I had to keep puhsing them back and he was beggining to get a little pushy.

He trailed kisses along my jaw which relaxed my grips on his wondering hands, and when I realized it, it was too late.

So I could blame the alcohol, or maybe my hormones, or Paul's kissing abilities.

It was all a blur, I could barely keep focus. We were outside behind a tree, so aside from kissing and touching there wasn't much that we could do, but innocent was definetely not a word I could use for our little make out session.

Almost half and hour later, hair disheveled, and losing one earring, we made it back to the party. We went our separate ways. Walking in a straight line was not even an option for me anymore, the arty was in full swing.

"Sheez Kimbarly" Lexie was grinning like a little kid, lipstick gone, swollen lips, broken heal, and missing necklace. So she had succeded, I would have to wait untl tomorrow to get the whole story, I was beggining to get dizzy and a little nauseous.

"Where's Maddie and Sarah?"

"Anton drove them home" Jacob Black said coming out of the bathroom, with a playful smile. He was not drunk at all, and Lexie had totally made his night. I smirked, she wasn't going to live this one out. Lexie reached for my arm and started pulling me out the house laughing like a crazy person.

Or like herself.

We had almost reached Jacob's car when suddenly I fel light. I was missing something.

Coat and purse!!!!

I ran back to the party bumping into a few people. I had the nerve to make one final scan in a ridiculous attempt of seeing Jared, I saw nothing I slapped myself mentally. He wasn't here. I stopped for a minute, when I felt someone grabbing my hand and pulling me into one of the rooms. It was pitch black, and his mouth was on my neck. Paul.

"This room's taken" a high pitched voice said. Paul groaned and made his way to the door. I remembered I was supposed to be getting my things.

"By any chance is this the room with the jackets and everything?" I asked to the nothingness.

"Yeah, I think" the girl murmured.

"I need my coat and purse" I murmured to Paul.

"Fine" He snorted and turned on the light. I wished he hadn't. There lying in the middle of the pile of coats, jackets and sweaters was Jared Middleton. My Jared. Shirtless, straddled by someone who I clearly had no idea who she was, looking straight back at me.

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**a/N: haha that's all i have. Be kind and review if you read it.**


	3. Side effects of using steroids Maybe

a/n: thanks for reviewing for those who did, 5 reviews, one more than the first chapter. I'm struggling with my writer's block, and this story is coming to life.

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**I go ballistic! Yeah you're making me a crazy chick

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**3. Side effect of using steroids maybe?**

I could not tear myself away from his stare. The eyes, his look. My stomach was being dropped to the floor by some invisible force. I tried to open my mouth to say something but my teeth chattered and goosebumps invaded my skin. The contents of my previously thrown stomach were moving and I was afraid, vomit would come out of my mouth. I don't know if I was getting hung over so soon, but it sure felt like it. Suddenly my head felt too heavy for my neck and I was short of air. However I was afraid to breathe, to open my mouth and istead of letting the air out, puke did. And neither could he, or the girl or Paul. I don't know if everyone in the room was drunk, but it was as if time had frozen for a minute or two maybe.

Twilight zone moment.

Then there was Jared's stupid changing face displaying unnatural emotions or reactions for the situation at hand. Or maybe it was my mind playing tricks on my eyes. But I was sure it had gone like this: First annoyance, next surprise, followed by total and utter shock (he actually stayed in this one a little longer, opening his mouth so wide that flies could've entered his body and I am sure he wouldn't have noticed), then something that resembled momentary happiness which transformed into confusion that ended in pure rage. I am positive he was shaking just like he had done in the cafeteria on Tuesday, when Paul pulled me out of the room.

And just to top my night, a very infuriated Sam Uley was ending the party,surely looking for his protégé/buddy/friend/?. What was their deal anyways ?If I hadn't just caught Jared with that girl, I would've started to question their camaraderie, maybe Sam had broken up with Leah because he was gay and Emily was just a cover up story. I giggled at the thought.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Paul when we were in the sidewalk.

"Kimboorly" Lexie slurred jumping at me and hugging me

"Nothing…"And then I realized I had nothing to laugh about. I had seen Jared, my Jared, platonic love of all times, going at it with another girl. Suddenly the hung over feeling rushed back into my body, this time the nausea about to be transformed into actual vomit.

"Ready?"Jake asked. Opening the car door. I shook my head, covering my mouth. Once I knew it was safe I mumbled"My purse" Just figures I would remember until now. Alcohol makes me slow and bit retarded at times, the side effects suck.

"You go back" Paul said. Well so much for a gentleman. I made my way back once again. There was no music, and the house was pretty much empty. Except for a few people who simply refused to leave or were just too wasted or stoned to realize the party was over.

Thankfully there was no need for me to knock the door, since it was slightly open and completely illuminated. People must have flowed in when Sam ended the party to get their things. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"…I warned you about this."A man's voice filled the air "You can't risk others like that."

"I wasn't going to.." It was Jared, and probably Sam.

"You were shaking when I got here. Just listen to me next time. Because this was a very bad idea." Why was Sam acting like his big brother or father…

"I know and I'm sorry"

"I would've expected better of your Jared. Let's go" He actually ordered at least it sounded like that. I tried not to scream when I almost bumped into Sam's huge body. I was too afraid to look up, so I only mumbled some apologies.

"You should be getting home." He reprimanded talking to me as if I were a child.

"I just need my coat and purse" I tried to stand a little straighter, and Sam examined me for a moment and finally stepped aside. Jared was already clothed and searching frantically for something in the room.

He seemed nervous. I cursed mentally. I didn't want to be near him at all. At least not right now.

"Who is taking you home Kim?"Sam asked coming back inside. Jared froze yet again when Sam spoke.

"Jake" I said in a very low voice. Finally I spotted my coat on the floor, and my purse was in a chair. I grabbed them too quickly and ran out of the room.

* * *

I had described every little detail to my friends about my little face to face with the steroid user. Lexie didn't think it was weird, Sara thought little of it and blamed my alcohol and his. Maddie was the only understanding one or pretending to be I don't know.

To say I was nervous of seeing him on Monday would've been an understatement. I could barely eat my breakfast, not that I was much of a breakfast person but since I was staying at Maddie's well it would've been rude to tell her mom no. My parents' trip has extended and they were coming home until Thursday.

Our walk to school was quiet, we had spent the whole weekend talking about it.

So I almost emptied the contents of my breakfast when I saw him sitting on a bench outside the school. Maddie didn't even bother with a little discretion, she almost bruised my waist from poking me with her elbow too hard.

I wanted to scream. Yes I know, but that would've been more ridiculous.

It was inevitable to worry about the freaking blood coloring all my face. At least I wasn't white, that would've been a nightmare.

"Kim" I think I heard my name when we passed by the bench, but I decided to keep walking.

"Kim!" I am sure my left rib is broken or severely bruised. I almost fell and the little bitch is laughing her head off, running down the hallway to her locker. What kind of best friend do I have. Shoot me now. God like man sportying hedious haircut is standing next to me looking puzzled.

Another little fact about Mr. Sunshine in my head, he's not the brightest bulb if you get what I mean.

"Kim?" It came out like a question. I nodded and opened my eyes wider, I must have looked like a freaking owl.

"What do you want?" Okay so that sounded completely rude. Well when things get uncomfortable, bitchiness is my only defense. I opened my locker after two failed attempts and started getting my things.

"Right. Well I need a tutor for math. I was wondering if you had some free time" He said as matter of fact. I never tutored, I hate explaining things to slow people. And it would be impossible to teach Jared, with my huge crush.

"You should ask Marianne" I replied. "I don't tutor. Sorry." He looked bummed, well sorry for you Mr. Buff you'll have to look for someone else to bring you out of your stupidness.

* * *

"Hey knock it off" I said putting my hands to cover my head

"Are you brain damaged??!! He asks you to tutor him and you say no??!!! I swear Kimbo, you deserve more than a few hits on the head" Lexie was babbling.

"Do you think my life is a teen movie. And just because I tutor him, he's going to fall in love with me?"

"Fall in love" Lexie scoffed "Of course not, don't be so corny. But at least a good snog. Him and you studying and next thing you know he's kissing you"

"Why would he kiss me?" I asked. Jacob surely had kissed her brainless or something.

"To get some I guess" She said after pondering for a moment. "Doesn't matter you ruined it."

"I think it's weird. He should be embarrassed after Saturday. Why would he want you tutor him when you're not even in our class" Sarah said "Besides he is not that bad in math" Sarah did have a point.

But it was stupid to busy myself making up stories about why Jared wanted me to tutor him. Sooner or later, I was going to start to drift off into stupid fantasies of him being secretly interested in me, and that was a complete waste of my precious time.

Been there, although haven't done that.

* * *

"Kimmie" Paul, I had little patience today He was a stupid ass.

"Don't call me that" I snapped, setting my books loudly on the desk.

"Someone's pissy" He sat on my desk. I pulled out a novel I was reading to cover my face. "You didn't mind it so much on Saturday"

"Yeah well now's Monday. Get lost" Now with my novel completely clouding my vision, which was mainly of Paul's junk. I missed watching Jared's abnormal body when he came into the classroom. He took his now usual seat and I thanked to the heavens for Paul's junk and my newly found nausea to it. I didn't need any more weirdness with Jared

"Have it your way then" Took him ages to get it. He grunted and his weight was lifted off. I placed my book down just in time, Mr. Jones was starting to write on the board.

Five minutes into class and we had a reading assignment, and some questions to copy. Mr. Jones was going to let us work on our own while he graded papers. I started to do the reading until Jared poked me with a pen. I guess it was his way of calling someone's name. I didn't bother to look his way.

"What?"I wasn't reading but I didn't feel like staring at him either.

"I'm sorry to bother you again Kim."That was a first, polite and talking to me, and maybe he apologized because I was being a little sharp."I asked Marian but her schedule is full."

"Huh" So was this another be my tutor please .."There's Daniel too." I offered

"Actually I was wondering if there was a chance you.."I stopped him right there.

"II can't .It's nothing personal" It's just that I'm head over heels for you. "I just don't do that kind of stuff"

"Oh" It was too tempting I looked up, he was pensive. So they guys twists in his face in concentration trying to come up with a thought…

I was such a sucker for the loser types. Note to self: fall for one with brains at least.

"So what do you do?" What was with this guy? Or was I unaware that small talk was a secondary effect of consuming steroids.

"Is there anything else I can help with you?"Smooth Kim, now the guy's gonna think you're a total bitch.

"Excuse me?"He is surprised. Why don't I think before I speak. Yeah total major bitch!!.

"I don't mean to be rude, I just wanna know if there's a reason you feel like you have to talk to me or something. Because if this is about Saturday, no worries, I didn't see anything I shouldn't have. I am really sorry we waltzed in like that" I rambled trying to find a highlighter or something to do with my hands. "It was stupid of Paul"

"Is he your boyfriend?" He blurted, I am sure he didn't mean to say that. It came out more like an accusation rather than a question.

"Boyfriend, geez no" His jaw seem to relax a bit when I said it.

"I can talk to Daniel for you if want" çI figured I could give him a little peace offering and wrap it up "Well let's get to work" Too enthusiastic I know, but after being so edgy it was required.

Thank God he got the message, and didn't speak to me for the rest of the class.  
Because I am not liking this bizarre talking so much.  
I can't crush on him, talk to him and function properly.

I'm not programmed that way.

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**Review if you want to. I know you do!! Come on. lol. **

**a/N: Jared is not stupid, he's just a bit overwhelmed right now. Just in case it was confusing the first part about Jared's and Kim's face to face. He was annoyed to be interrupted, surprised when he saw Kim, then shocked at the overwhelming feelings of the imprint,happiness to have found her, confusion when he notices Paul and rage when he puts two and two together. Sam obviously has no clue Jared imprinted when Kim goes back, he's scolding Jared because he went to the party and hooked up with the girl and obviously wass starting to lose control.**


	4. Houston we've lost her

**a/N:OMG last night i couldn't stop drooling over the wolf pack new moon poster. forget rob pattinson , ALEX MERAZ IS SEXY AS HELL!!!!**

* * *

**I go ballistic! Yeah you're making me a crazy chick**

* * *

**4. Houston, we've lost her.**

So forget my plan of getting over hunky honey giant. It's impossible. He's everywhere. And I mean everywhere. At first I thought I was having one of those crushing hallucinations, where you see the face of the man of your dreams everywhere, when he is obviously not around. Well in my case he was. And how could I be certain. Well because the face had a mouth, and this mouth opened constantly in failed attempts to make conversation.

And not failed because they were not good or normal. They failed because I always made a snarky comment, ending whatever topic of conversation he started. Sure it was getting harder, now that I had to deal with him not only on History, but on the cafeteria, debate club and the school paper.

At least I was home now. My parents were back.

"Kim can you switch rooms for tonight?"My brother burst into my room carrying a pillow and his pj's already on.

"What's in it for me?" He just wanted my room so he could use my computer.

"I'll do your laundry" Not happening last time, he messed two of my sweaters, and one of my shirts. I shook my head "Something else"

"Your slave for the weekend"

"Make it a week"

"Deal" My brother's room is actually the basement which was conditioned to be his room. The other room was a guest room, Grandma mostly used when she came to visit.

Having a basement-bedroom is pretty cool. I wished it was mine. I was sure Colin was going to give my parents hell in a couple of years. It would be a piece of cake for him to sneak out. The only bad thing of sleeping down here, was the time it took to fall asleep. The wide variety of animal noises were annoying, owls, frogs, grasshoppers, cats, dogs, and even wolves.

Specially wolfs howling in the middle of the night. Don't they sleep.!!!

ArgH!

I know they are like holy to the tribe or something like that. But if someone gave me a rifle, I would gladly shoot them so I could sleep. I pulled the cover over my head, which made almost no difference at all.

Colin was really going to pay for this, if I didn't make on time to school tomorrow.

* * *

I hate Fridays.

I can't have lunch with my friends. Instead I have to do school paper stuff. And I leave school really late because of painting lessons.

Extra credit. I know. Like I said I need as much of that as I can get.

"Great you're here" Marianne, the head of the paper, sensitive and intelligent girl. The one who couldn't tutor Jared. "I need you to finish proofreading those articles"

I made my way to my desk and turned the computer on. So I worked at the school paper, but I didn't get to write anything, that's kind of ironic. I think. Well I used to write until Marianne was so jammed we missed the dead line twice, so now I am her sort of assistant. Or bitch whatever you want to call it. Not that she would ever use a word like bitch, she's too sweet.

Which brings me to starry eyed beefcake again. Marian let him join the paper not caring we have only two months left of school.

And he just waltzed in.

"Kim" Sit with me, by all means. I need to get this done but please do come here and distract with your beefiness.

"Hey" oh now he's shy, I wonder if I'm starting to scare him "I have the photos" he said holding the digital camera in his left hand.

"Great" I mumbled

"Would you like to see them?" So maybe not scared, perhaps just a little bit wary. I tried to smile at him warmly, though I am not sure if I pulled it off.

"Sure" I took the camera and started feigning interest, I could feel him behind me practically breathing on my ear which made it very, very hard to focus.

After seeing the first ten I realized they were really good pictures.

"Wow" I breathed "The view is just breathtaking" Someone had wrote an article on nature like adventures. Summer was coming.

"Have you ever gone cliff diving?" He asked when a picture of the cliffs appeared. I shook my head.

"I'm kind of a chicken for that kind of shit" I blurted out . He looked a little bit disappointed but his expression changed quickly and he was smiling again. I gave him the camera back and started to read the articles.

Jared downloaded the pictures on his computer and after clicking here and there. He spoke again,.

"You should try. It might not be that bad" He teased. And I blushed, I tried to clear my throat to speak, he was clearly being friendly at least I could do that.

"Maybe if someone pushed me, because I don't think I could ever jump on my own" I laughed, I was really a chicken when it came to adrenaline-related experiences. Once Maddie had to drag me crying to ride the roller coaster. Tears of fear were spilling out of my eyes.

"A friend and I are going tomorrow."Jared said grinning more widely. It was a bit disturbing at first to see that much teeth on his smile, but well in my book Jared is a god. So the disturbance wears off after the first 5 seconds.

"You mean Sam?"I couldn't help myself, so if he wanted to talk. Maybe I could find out what was the deal between him and Sam.

"Yes, how'd you know?" I laughed a little bit. Was he serious, anyone would've known. The whole rez talked about it.

"I figured" I said "He picks you up at school, and at parties" Why Kim?? Why would you say something about the party. That was awkward and painful to remember. Lucky for me his face didn't falter.

"You're pretty observant" He chuckled. Yes I do kind of stalk you I have a team of three girls reporting to me after your every move.

"Sometimes" I bit my lip and smiled. So maybe it wasn't that hard. I scrolled down the screen trying to get the typos and misspelled words.

"Would you like to come?" My fingers were glued to the keyboard and my eyes to the skin, I was too afraid to turn to look at him.

"I don't know, I'd have to ask my parents" No, no, no you can not go. You are in the red zone Kim.

_Earth to Kim_

Jared gave me the full teeth smile again and pulled out his cell phone "What's your number? So I can know at what time to pick you up."

I didn't trust my voice, so I took the cellphone from his hand, to save my number.

"Thanks" He looked at me expectantly. Was I supposed to ask for his. Duh Kim! Of course. I was going to when I felt my butt vibrating.

I stood up and Jared laughed "It's me. Don't answer." He hung up and I staread a t my mobile as retarded person who's been handed somehting they have never seen."Now you can save my number on yours as well. So you know it's me when I call or text you". I gave him a nervous smile and tried to avoid gulping down. Text. Calls.

_Earth to Kim!!_

Jared was going to call me. Or text me.

_Get back here!!_

Or both. He was going to my house on Saturday to pick me up.

_Kim!!!_

And we were going cliff diving.

_Houston, we have serious problems._

"Are you doing something tonight?" He asked pulling me out of dreamland. He wasn't smiling anymore he actually looked nervous.

"No. I don't think so" I said.

"I thought you might be going to Cynthia's" A strange tone of relief in his voice.

"No, she's not exactly my friend" She was Paul's ex girlfriend. No way. "Are you?"

He laughed "No partying for me" Sam probably grounded him.

I snickered. but bit my tongue, I didn't need to throw any more weirdness at him.

* * *

Okay so maybe it was not impossible to talk to Jared and behave almost normal.

I had for the entire hour on the paper. And then he asked me to be his partner for the History project and we talked more. Problem was that five minutes of talking with Maddie and Sarah and my head was a tangled mess. I was telling them about the cliff diving invitation and everything, I hadn't even finished when Sarah was squealing.

"It totally makes sense. He likes you"

"You should tell your parents we are going to Forks" Maddie said "Jared can drop you off at my house and we can watch movie while you fill me in"

"Yes a movie sounds perfect." Sarah beamed "We should get chick flicks"

"Yes I'm on it" Maddie said "We could turn it into a sleepover. I'm sure my mom won't mind"

"I can't believe he asked you out" Sarah was still beaming.

"Hey stop" You'd think he asked me to marry him "It's only cliff diving he hasn't asked me out. Besides take it down a notch, it's not like we are going on a date."

"But you…and he"Maddie protested

"I like him yes, but I don't know is he likes me. It's weird. It's not a date so don't go all girly on me"

"Do you want it to be a date?"Sarah asked.

"Well yeah sure. I have liked the guy for years now" Stupid hair and all "but I pretty much would say yes to anything"

"Anything?" Maddie asked wide eyed.

"Well maybe not sober, but in a party who knows" The party thing always worked.

"Scratch sleepover, and let's see if Lexie knows of a party somewhere. Then you can invite Jared" Sure if I gather the balls to do it. I only nodded and returned to my painting. My stomach grumbled. By the lack of food or Jared.

There's no stopping my stupid fantasies now.

* * *

I had been staring at my cellphone throughout my painting class. I kept my hold on it our walk home in case I didn't hear it. I even placed it on the table when we were having dinner. And nothing. By ten o' clock I had given up. He was not going to call or text. And stupid me, had already asked the parents about it.

Stupid friends, stupid Jared. But stupid, stupid me!!

_i'm waiting, waiting for nothing  
you're leaving, leaving me hanging  
_

My ringtone!!My heart skipped a beat. And then started to beat frantically. My stomach tossed and turned or it felt like it, and I wasn't sure my voice would come out right.

_When did your heart go missing?  
When did your heart_

I picked up instantly not bothering to look at the screen and see if it really was Jared

"Hey"I said in the most casual tone I could manage

"Kim" Yes it Jared just hearing him say my name...  
I have to get a grip, this is getting out of hand.

"Oh, Jared hey"

"So did you clear with your parents?" Yes, yes, YES!!!

"Uhmm yeah"

"Great, is eleven okay with you?" YEEES!!1

"Aha" Monosyllable girl.

"Great."

"Okay" Silence. Should I hung up or...

"Marian almost cried today" I sighed relieved somehow that phrase broke the tension.

"I know, Alex just loves pushing her" I laughed "She should give him some kind of punishment for hiding the files, she really believed we had lost everything. It's not so fun when there are tears involved."

"I know, but she is too kind to" Jared mused " I think we did a good job today"

"Your photos were beautiful and the article was very well written. Candid, fun and easy to read"

"Embry's a good writer. Even though he's a sophmore. I came up with some ideas for our history project" Really, wow, so he was not so dumb as I thought.

"I'll think of some for tomorrow"And with that I killed the previous mood and it wen't silent again

"So yeah" Couldn't I think of something else to say..

"So Eleven, right?"Weirdneesss

"Yeah. Good night Jared"Better end this now

"See you tomorrow Kim" My name in his voice sounds almost beautiful.

Click. Let me have an adolescent moment.

I dropped on my bed dramatically with a grin on my face, which turned into a smile and then a laugh.

Smile. Laugh. Laugh. Gasp. Jared. smile. Laugh. Stop.

_Stop it!!_

Giggles.

_No, Kim please!!!Dont!_

My laughter got louder, the smiles wider.

_Houston we've oficially lost her_

I was so screwed.

* * *

**a/N. it's all about the summary i think. i changed and got more hits...mmm..anyways im glad most of you find it funny i do too. 's like a breathing fresh aire after my other drama fanfics.**


	5. Dying's not so bad

**a/N: here's chap 5 and thanks to fluppy, ashleyahh, Robin D., sophia 666, aurora stanley, guppyloveshoes (houston, like an astronaut thing lol, when they're communcating with the spaceships, lol idon't know how to explain)Blue-eyed-Chica(he didn't imprint on her sooner because he hadn't bothered looking at her, he was too busy getting a grip )

* * *

**

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you're making me a crazy chick**

* * *

**5. Dying is not so bad, if someone's holding your hand**

Okay so I know I'm not America's next top model o r something like that, still I have always been pleased with my body, my appearance, my looks so to speak. Preparing to go cliff diving with Jared apparently has brought my inner Bridget Jones.

I woke up really early and shaved my legs with the uttermost care, making sure there was not a single hair on the surface of my legs. I stole one of the VS creams my mom has to put on my skin, I carefully dried my hair trying to give it a natural look. I went through four bathing suits, five t shirts, and two shorts.

I was still busy working on my hair when my stupid kid brother, burst into my room wearing his pj's still. He plopped himself on my bed and started flipping through one of my magazines.

" Where are you going?" What do you care, I don't know why mom didn't think one child was enough.

"Out, to the beach"I replied. I decided to take a large bag with a spare change of clothes. I was going to Maddie's after all. "Can I borrow your hoodie?"

"Which one?"He asked

"The gray one with the red sign." I replied. He nodded and kept turning the pages of the magazine.

"You're going with Maddie and Lexie.." I only nodded. Okay so I didn't exactly cleared with my parents. As if they would let me out of this house if I did tell them who I was going with. And well most of the times I could trust Colin to keep his mouth shut, but then when we fight he tends to gossip like a girl to mom in revenge. I can't risk that.

"Colin, Kim get down, here. Breakfast's ready"

I kept glancing at my mobile, looking at the time and waiting for Jared to text me back. Last night I was too busy surfing the world of make believe that I totally forgot to tell him to park his car two houses after mine, and text me when he was here. That way if Mom decided to sneak a peek she would only see the back of the car, and no Jared.

"Put that phone down, and eat" Dad. Always one for annoying people "You have barely touched your food"

"Daddy food is to be eaten not touched" Colin snickered and Mom only shook her head.

"Keep it with the smart-ass comments and you'll be going nowhere young lady" The old man should relax. "And you have to finish that plate too"

I was brushing my teeth, when Jared got here.

_I' m outside._

At first I was going to text him back but I was too nervous to hit the right keys so I just applied some lip gloss and came out running searching for my bag upstairs. I kissed dad goodbye who was on his bedroom watching tv. Mom was doing the dishes, and Colin was busy playing some game.

"Don't forget to call or text"Mom said as I closed the door.

Yes. Luck was on my side today.

Or maybe not so much.

"Hey" Jared breathed. He was outside a black truck looking really excited. The truck wasn't his. It was Sam's, and that only made my previous breakfast move back and forth across my stomach. T

"Hi" I stuttered. We stood there awkwardly for almost a minute. Jared looking at me, and me avoiding his eyes and examining the concrete on the road. La Push streets could definitely be improved. Rain kind of messed them up.

"Jared " a woman's voice broke him out of his reverie.

"Right" Jared blurted and laughed nervously? It was a peculiar sound to say the least. I smiled not sure what he was laughing about. Apparently seeing that Jared was suffering from some temporary paralysis, the woman opened the truck's door.

Of course it was Emily Young, who else would be accompanying Sam. I smiled shyly at her, we had never been formally introduced, but I had seen her around the rez. Everybody knew her story, first she was that bitch of a cousin who had stole Sam Uley from Leah, and now she was the poor sweet girl who got mauled by a bear.

"I'm Emily. Nice to meet you" She had to introduce herself since Jared was now talking to himself in a very low voice.

"Kim" I replied. I was feeling really uncomfortable, but I climbed the truck anyways.

"Hey Kim" Sam greeted once I was seated.

"Hi" The guy was intimidating a bit anyways. Emily was tapping her foot waiting for Jared so she could seat.

"Is he okay?" I asked in a small voice.

"JARED!"Sam yelled. He snapped out of his inner monologue. Looking confused, his eyes dawned on me and he gave me a goofy grin, apologized to Emily and finally made it to the truck.

"Sorry about that" Jared sais sheepishly.

"So Kim, Jared tells us you're in the school paper do you..."Emily started small talk.

"And debate club, and painting, and she's really good at all of them. Plus she's really smart" Jared interrupted. I flushed scarlet. I thought my face was going to explode. What the fuck was up with little Kim's a geek infomercial

"Jared I was talking to Kim" Emily smirked, and Jared matched my shade of skin. Sam chuckled and Jared only sunk into his seat.

"Yeah, I'm on the school paper" I said clearing my throat in the process. I needed to get a grip, but this was beyond bizarre.

"You write?"Emily asked.

"Used to, now not so much as I would like. I do most of the editing" I explained. "Actually I just read a piece about summer outings, and Jared did the pictures. They were beautiful, he is an amazing photographer. That's how we got talking about cliff diving"

"And Kim said she was terrified."Jared laughed. And I punched him lightly in the arm. He wasn't surprised and only looked amused. I had to do a double take and almost hit myself against the window, I guess in the moment it just felt natural to hit Jared.

The weirdness was sort of fading. Sort of.

"Really??" Emily asked surprised although it seemed almost mocking. I was a little offended but answered anyways.

"I am" I admitted timidly. "I don't have the best stomach in the world. Adrenaline and I don't mix"

"I like you already" Emily beamed "I'm not very outdoorsy myself. But these guys here.."

"That's why I asked her to come" Jared said proudly."To change that"

"Sure, sure" Sam said in a condescending ton. From the rearview I could see he was laughing at Jared. Emily got closer to him, and I think glared at him.

This trio was up to something.

* * *

So I assumed the four of us, were cliff diving. Not that Jared and I would climb up all the way here, while Emily and Sam had a romantic picnic on the beach. This felt like a double date, a really bad one.

You have an engaged couple, and two teenagers which have no chemistry or whatsoever. I'd bet Jared was regretting asking me to come.

Why did he in the first place?

I don't know.

We would talk, but then all of a sudden it was like conversation died, and we had these long silent periods. You could feel the tension in the air. Until he or me asked a question and we would start all over again just to end staring into space again, no sound coming from either of us.

Once were reached the top, I cursed my stupidity. There was a reason I didn't do these kinds of things. I was already dreading it.

"Kim, are you okay?" No I am certainly not, I let you drag me up here, risk my life and all under the pretense of a stupid crush.

I only nodded. He didn't believe me but started taking off his sneakers, and then his T-shirt.

Okay so maybe my life was worth seeing this heavenly-god body…

_Don't drool Kim_

"We can leave our stuff here" he said placing his cut offs, the shirt and the sneakers behind a rock.

"Ready?"

Crap. I needed to take off my clothes too.

_Don't overthink it._

I hope the sunlight works in my favor and makes me look good. I should've worn a one piece, but I didn't want to seem like a prude…

"Kiiim" Okay so that tone is not cool. It gives me chills. Did he just purred my name??!!

"Hey"I said lightly joining him covering my stomach with both arms "It's cold, maybe we.."Leave it to him to close the distance and send me into cardiac arrest. I am dead. I am dead. So dead. Jared is rubbing his hands along my arms. He is hot in all the possible meanings, and I am sure my heart is going to go out flying of it's cavity and my stomach will hit the floor any instant.

I am not even sure I am breathing properly.

"Let's go"he dropped both hands, and took one of mine into his. His hand was perfect like the rest of him, big, warm but not sweaty, and they felt rough, manly, not like a girls. I trailed after thegolden man to the cliff. Jumping is the furthest thing in my mind. Maybe all I needed was Jared, then I would be nervous about his close proximity and not about the dive itself.

"Do you want me to go first?" I shook my head and tightened my grip on his super bear hand. If he did jump first, I would never follow.

"We could go together" He seemed excited about that one, but it was nowhere near my own excitement.

"You don't mind?"I needd to double check.

"Of course not. Come on" He pulled me all the way until we were like three steps away.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"Just hold my hand real tight okay?" I nodded. We took two steps forward."Don't let go"

"Never" I looked up at him. And somehow that word seemed to have so much more meaning, but I was way over my head to go psycho-examining the situation. "On the count of three"

"One..."Don't let go

"Two"I'm going to die

"Three" I had to close my eyes. I screamed at the top of my lungs like a little girl, and I let go of his hands once we hit the water. The worst was over. I made my way to the surface to get air, but before I made it, a pairs of strongs arms had already wrapped themselves around my waist, pulling me upwards faster.

We came out for air at the same time. I couldn't stop smiling, I was high on adrenaline, and Jared holding me of course. I couldn't take my eyes off his lips. Impulsively, moving too quickly to even give him or me a chance to think what I was going to do, I placed my lips on his and tenderly kissed him. Surprised by my action he moved backwards, but before I could drown on embarrasment, his lips were back on mine again and I could feel his tongue in my mouth. He was gentle, probing and his lips were soft as a down pillow. I kissed him sweetly and sensually, placing my arms gently around his neck, and only kiciking my feet to stay afloat.

I wanted to keep kissing him for the whole day long. These kisses were so much more fullfilling than anything any other boy had ever done. It was like being close to, like kissing an ideal. Someone whose mouth matched my own, someone who clearly knocked me off my feet, rocked my socks or whatever you wanted to call it.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I could hear the splashes we were making all around us. What had started sweetly was growing into something more with each passing second.I had never felt that kind of fire burn in me, the one that people describe only books. That was kissing Jared, it was like I couldn't get enough. Neither of us could. Which was definetely a new development, one I was sure my brain would start to rationalize on as soon as I broke off.

But for now kissing him senseless was all I could do.

* * *

**a/N**: so i want to do the second part of the date from jared's pov. not sure though, and i hope the kiss doesn't seem out of the blue, kim's a bit slutty and has a huge crush on jared, and well jared he imprinted on the girl and she's half naked. he's a guy.

im working the kim-jared relationship backwards. they're getting physical first, and then working on their talking and feelings blablabla

and the reason they keepp having awkward silence it's because of UST...(unresolved sexual tension)


	6. My inner wolf wants to come out and play

**a/n: Jared's pov.I hope I pulled it off lol. **

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you're making me a crazy chick**

* * *

**6. My inner wolf wants to come out and play**

So I had definitely been missing a lot when it came too kissing. Kissing Kim, was hot. Addicting and hot. She was giving me a boner. I hoped this didn't make me some kind of sick pervert. I mean sure when you are grabbing and kissing and stuff you get turned on. But this was too fast, we were only kissing. I certainly didn't want to freak her out. I I really felt like I was thirteen again getting turned at the slightest flash of skin I could get my greedy adolescent hands on. Even if it was a magazine girl's skin...

But Kim's body was far from paper and she had shown me plenty of skin before diving in. I almost ravished her at the top of the cliff. It was taking me a lot of patience and concentration to keep my pants on, and refrain myself from jumping on her. Sam had warned me about the animal instinct. After all imprinting meant soul mates for the human half, and mates when it came to the inner wolf.

Let's just say my inner-wolf was certainly growing restless at the lack of contact.

Sam had lectured me, and so had Emily. Apparently I had to be really careful when it came to Kim. Sure I knew how Sam had lost control, but I knew I would never hurt Kim. I promised myself that, the night I imprinted on her. Seeing her look so scared and me losing control and shaking in that room was something I didn't intend to repeat. Sam had adviced me to keep it friendly, but hell she had kissed me.I didn't want friendly. I wanted her.

Kim Connweller.

I knew who she was. A girl like any other of the rez. We had gone to school together since kindergarden, just like the rest of the kids. We talked about pretty much nothing. But that was already changing. The first thing I had busied myself with was learning as much as I could about her.

Of course the pull was strong and inevitable, but you can't just barge in and tell someone_ Hello I am your soulmate_. We're in high school, it does not work like that. So I gathered a bit of information.I found out, one, she walks to school everyday. I followed her home.I know it makes me sound like a stalker, but I'm not. I just did it once, well twice, and then there was that time with the freaky looking dude, so three times. But who's counting. Two, she has a little brother. Three, she is part of the school paper and debate I should've just figured out that one since I knew how smart she is. She has a 4.0. Fact I knew before imprinting. Four, she takes painting lessons on Friday. She's so talented. Five, she's not dating Paul, ass face. Six. she's not dating someone else. Seven, she is or was afraid of cliff diving and eight and most recent, she smells like coconut, and vanilla.

We finally broke apart. There was a redness on her face, which only made her look more appealing. Wet kim, no pun intended, was even more alluring than dry Kim. Strands of hair framing her heart shaped face.

"Sorry"She was smiling gingerly. "I didnt mean to.."

"It's okay" I didn't want her apologizing for what had just happened. Part of me was glad she had finally placed a decent amount of water between us. My inner wolf was about to come out, and make himself present. And I wasn't talking about the four legged furry creature. However, the emptyness I felt the second my skin lost contact was almost ridiculous.

"Do you want to jump again?"I asked, maybe with each jump, I could get a kiss.

"Sure, why not"she laughed, splashed water to my face and started swimming back to the shore. I dived in, and pulled her ankle making her sink with me. She was grinning like a little girl caught doing wrong. I kept pulling from her ankle until she was pressed against me.

She gave me a coy smile and went back up to get some air. My breath hitched and I leaned down to capture her lips, lapping her up like a bowl of chocolate. She groaned and it was like music to my ears.

"That's..." she was out of breath, I trailed kisses along her jaw, going for her pulse on her neck. Sucking on it.A moan escaped her lips. And I knew we needed to part.

"We should.."she said breathlessly

"Yeah" I said equally out of breath.

Once we were out. Sam was giving me a stern look, and I only shrugged. Emily hit Sam, and she was smiling, she even gave me the thumbs up, when Kim was not looking.

"Are you guys hungry?"Emily asked pulling out more food from the picnic basket. My stomach answered for me. "Try this" Emily said almost shoving the muffin on Kim's hands. She looked a little confused but did as Emily said.

"Mmmm"Wished I could have her making those sounds right now"They're so goood. Where did you get these?"

"I baked them" Emily said proudly. Kim smiled eagerly and took a seat next to Emily. Okay so maybe we were going to eat first "Would you mind giving me the recipe, my brother's been pestering me about baking him muffins"

"You cook?"Emily asked obviously pleased with Kim. And I was even more pleased, Kim was already smart, beatiful, an amazing kisser and it seemed she could cook. This girl was perfect "Yes, when I'm in a good mood. When it comes to bakery I only know how to do vanilla cake, chocolate and peanut butter cookies, and apple pie"

"Apple pie is Jared's favorite"Emily smiled wistfully. Okay so maybe there was more to imprinting, maybe we didn't only fit physically.

"Yeah"Well what was I supposed to say when Kim only blushed. She put the muffin down and pulled out a towel of her bag. I remembered our clothes were at the top of the cliff."We can go and get our clothes if you want to."

"No, it's okay, we can eat first"she said politely Emily had already put the food out.

"Maybe you and Sam can go and get those"Emily nudged Sam, and like everything Emily wanted, Emily got. I was dragged away from Kim. I only hoped Emily was discreet and nice to her.

"You kissed"Sam simply said

"No "I automatically replied

"Yes you did"Sam chuckled. "Believe me. I am shocked. I thought you were bluffing when you said she was coming. I can't believe she was willing to come after how she found you that night. Have you guys talked?"

"She's not with Paul"I snarled. We had already discussed this.

"Easy there. I'm not talking about Paul"Sam said his tone more serious. "You need to be honest with her. You need to come out clean."

"I'm not going to tell her anything yet. I can't. I don't even know how to start"I fumbled with my words, truth is I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I was making it up as I went. "I mean. I have dated before, and I even had a couple of girlfriends but it was different. I was trying to get in their pants.. not"

"Their heart?"Sam asked

"No, that sounds corny. No it's not that. I mean you date knowing there's a chance things won't work out. Kim, is the center of my universe, there's no screwing up, or I'm sorry I don't like you. Half of the time I want to jump on her bones" That sentence earned me a hit on the head. "The other half I'm overthinking about what to say, how to make her like me."

"She likes you"Sam said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "She kissed you, she likes you. Really Jared you need to loosen up a bit when you talk to her. But you need to keep your pants on. You shouldn't get physical before she knows the truth. Sex would only complicate things"

"Great I never thought I would have another sex talk, after my dad's"I muttered.

"I am serious Jared. Look you need to be responsible here. You can get carried away and let your hormones rule you."Sam kept going. And I didn't like where this was going. "First of all sex with us, isn't the most easy experience. Ask Emily."

"Whoah!Stop right there"I said covering my ears "I don't want to hear about your sex life with Emily."

Sam totally ignored me and kept talking"It's a safety thing. She needs to know what she's getting into. And basically and most of all you don't need more problems than you already have. And sex is a problem"

"I have problems?" I guess I had not been paying attention

"You have to deal with the imprinting and the phasing"Sam said more sharply "When I met Emily I had already been phasing for months, and you know how that ended"I cringed, I was close friend of Leah, and I knew how much she had loved Sam. But when I found out the truth behind their messy love triangle, I knew Leah had gotten the better end of the stick. What Emily had gone through was horrible.

"I would never hurt Kim"I snapped.

"You might if you don't keep your temper on check" Sam said raising his voice "Jared I'm just trying to help okay? It takes time that's all I'm saying. Your are going to have it all. Just be patient. Don't rush it" He seemed so confident I would. And I was amazed by how certain he was. I could see and feel the love Sam had for Emily, i WAS I was in hhis head half the time,but I could also see in her eyes how much she loved him back.

With Kim.I felt the pull, gravity shifted. Yeah. She was the most beautiful creature on Earth, every little single thing about her mesmerized me. But I couldn't see her loving me back, I think I loved her, but most of the time I just wanted to touch her. Trying to rationalize my feelings about my imprint gave me a lot of headaches, sleepless nights, inner monologues, and sometimes even loud monologues, like the one I had pulled this morning. I didn't see how we would end like Emily and Sam.

Like I said I was making up as I went along. Going with my guts. The problem was my gut was aching for her lips, her skin.

"She seems great"Sam added a bit more softly now

"She's more than great" And it was driving me crazy. But maybe Sam was right. Maybe we could slow things a bit.

Maybe the imrpint would make more sense then.

* * *

"Sam's so different once you talk to him" Kim was musing. I was driving her to her friend's. "He always seemed a bit stiff" I laughed Sam would be offended to be called that.

"He's a great guy"I assured her "I know most people don't think very highly of him"

"I've been meaning to ask" she was blushing again. She was so cute when she did that "What's the deal with you two" It was expected of her to ask that. Thank God the Elders had already come up with an excuse.

"Well I sort of work with him."I said "It's not a big deal as people try to make it"

"Well the rez is so small, it's inevitable to know everybody's buissness." She chortled "There's so little to gossip here. They jump at every chance they get to talk about teared up Rebecca Black when she left the rez and married the hawaian dude. And there was Anthony who got that girl from Forks pregnant, and don't forget Mr. Johnson when Patty left him."

"I do feel bad for Mr. Johnson" Poor man, the wife ran leaving him with three kids to look after.

"Yeah well. I feel bad for her kids, but I sort of understand Patty for leaving him"Kim added gloomily.

"How so?"I asked startled.

"Well Patty was a close friend of my aunt. She was going to college, she had a full scholarship. She met Xavier, and bing bang boom. True love and the summer before she left for college. She gets pregnant."

"Really, I had no idea,she was pregnant before they got married"

"Well it was a secret"Kim said sheepishly. "But she never dreamt of the house, and the kids. My aunt says she finally got fed up and ran away.I guess home life isn't as fullfilling at they paint to be. "

"You don't want to get married and have kids some day?"I asked with difficulty, trying not to make a big deal of though it certainly was.

"Not really.I mean don't get me wrong. I do like kids, but not the hazzle that comes with motherhood"

"...that's...good too" She only gave me a funny look. And laughed at what I guess was my troubled didn't say anything about mariage, but why push it right now.

"I know sounds weird. But I guess I'm a bit weird"

"A tid bit"I reached out to hit my arm playfully.

"You're supposed to say I'm normal. Anyways, we're here. The blue house with the white fence"I parked a house before that one. I still wasn't sure what the Kim protocol was when it was her friend's house.

"Thanks. This was fun" Suddenly we were back to the awkwardness.

"It was...I...liked it"

"Yeah, me too. Anyways."

"Yeah"

"So, I'll see you Monday"She opened the passenger seat.

"What?You won't even kiss me goodbye" I blurted out. She turned red again, but didn't leave or turn to look at me for that matter.

"Kim?"

"What??"she snapped. And it took me by surprise she had not been rude today, I really thought we were making progress.

But she quickly apologized "Sorry. I just..I have to go. Bye Jared"

She leaned into my seat, to peck me on the cheek. And I simply couldn't resist to capture her lips with my mouth.I pushed my tongue into her mouth dying to taste her again. A growl escaped my lips and drowned into her mouth.I was getting turned on again just by kissing her.

I reached for her waist trying to pull her until she was practically riding me. When she felt my inner wolf pressing through my jeans, she grinded her hips against mine. My hand traveled under her shirt,caressing her back and coming upfront to reach for her breast.

_I'm waiting, waiting for nothing.  
__you're leaving, leaving me hanging_

She broke apart and bumped her head against the car ceiling.

_When did your heart go missing?_

"Ouch" I instantly reached my hands to tend her. But she dismissed me, reaching for her bag. And trying to get her mobile.

_When did your heart go missing?  
__I treat you like a princess_

"Hi"Kim breathed

I tried to use my super hearing to catch the other end of the line.

_Hey Kim, how are you doing.?_It was a guy. I almost growled.

"I'm great."She said turning to me and smiling.

_Are you home? _

"No I'm at Maddie's actually" No Kim you're with me.

_Great. I'll come down in ten. I'm bringing Kyle. _Who's Kyle and why are they coming?I wanted to tear her mobile just to stop her from talking to this moron.

" I don't think that's a good idea"Kim sighed. And it was obvious from her expression that she didn't want to see this kyle person"You know what. Whatever" and she ended the call.

Her expression had turned from pure bliss to sullen and all because of that phone call. "Who was it?Your mom"

"Ummm no my brother" she fumbled but something told me she was lying.

"See you on Monday and Thanks" There was no time for me to say anything else, she had already left the car, and I was left feeling empty and angry.

I wasn't sure I could wait until Monday to see her.

* * *

a/N:mmm i want to post kim's ch tonight, so review!!!it's done and i have more fun writting those, actually this was kind of hard...lolthanks for reviewing guys!!!and for alerting literally make my day better:D


	7. He wants me

**a(N: i hope nobody hates the new characters. No offense, but in most of the kim and jared fics i have read(And loved many of them), kim doesn't have any kind of life until she meets jared...that's not the case **

**and i would guess families on the rez would be close to other families. like charlie the clearwaters and the blacks. they can't be the only families on the rez that have gatherings.**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
**

* * *

**6. He wants me**

I rang the doorbell twice. Of course Maddie would choose this instant to go pee or something equally lame and unnecessary. I was tempted to glance back to see if Jared was still there, but I didn't need to, since I hadn't heard Sam's truck start at all, which obviously meant he was watching. I was so turning into a girl with high blood pressure problems, at the rate my heart had been forced to beat the entire morning I wouldn't be surprised if it never returned to its normal pace.

I rang the doorbell once again, and a funny looking Brady opened the door, I walked past him not bothering, to say hi and ran upstairs to Maddie's bedroom. Imagine my surprise when I open the door and Lexie and her are on their knees peeking through the window, spying on Jared??!Lexie is actually using binoculars to do it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"I yelled grabbing a stuffed lion Maddie had on her bed, and throwing it to their heads. I was still too nervous to look through the window.

"Ssshh"Maddie said

"Why didn't you come down" I kept ranting "I swear, I don't know why I.."

"Is he crying?"Lexie asked perplexed completely ignoring me. Crying?? Jared crying? As tempted as I was to look. I just stood there trying to add it to the whole madness I had lived this morning.

"No, I think he is troubled" Maddie said unsure "He's hitting the dashboard"

"Repeteadly, and if he doesn't stop he's gonna have a nasty bruise"

"Should we…"

"No, he stopped. Wait, what's he doing now?"

"He's getting the keys and starting the truck…oh yeah, he's leaving" I let my bag drop, and collapsed on the bed.

"Wow, I would have never guess Jared Middleton to be bipolar" Lexie said laughing getting up and picking up the lion. "You sure know how to pick' em."

"What's wrong with you, why was I left downstairs, and why couldn't you get your lazy asses to open the door?!!"

"And miss the psycho schizo munchkin show, no way" Lexie laughed "Besides we were waiting for him to get out of the truck"

"What??!"

"Stupid Brady, I told him not to open" Maddie muttered, what kind of sick plan had my friends came up with, and why was Jared labeled as a schizophrenic now "He's so not eating pizza"Maddie threatened in low whispers.

"Have you lost it?"I asked sitting right up to face the two mocking girls. I might start my own novel called how to kill a mocking

"The question is has your honey junk boy? I mean geez, I have never ever in my entire life seen someone act the way he just did" Lexie tended to exaggerate things. "He seems straight out of the funny farm"

"What did you do? He was clearly upset when you left" Maddie stated "He started shaking. It was..weird"

"I thought he was having a seizure" Lexie piped in

"…and then it seemed he was talking to himself, then he looked over to _where I guess you were standing _and his face became one of pure bliss."

"That's when he reached for the door handle twice but he didn't open"

We were interrupted by a car's honk. I would have to hit my head for that one later.I guess now someone sayd Jared and I forget everthing."Adrian and Kyle are here" I said sheepishly. Maddie only groaned and Lexie clapped her hands and confirmed my revelation.

"Rod's with them" she squealed, reaching for her shoes, and flying out of the room. Guess I lied to Jared a bit earlier. Adrian is my cousin not my brother, he's Sam's age, and a former high school buddy of his._That's how I sort of know Sam._ He goes to Washington State University in Vancouver, but comes to rez on the weekends some times. Rod or Rodrigo, is quilete as well, my cousin's best friend and a proud student of WSU too. Kyle is their southern annoying roommate that I have kissed repeatedly on different occasions.

To my defense I have never done it without beer or some sort of alcohol in my system.

"Madison, Alexandra and Kimberly" Leave it to my cousin and his stupid friends to use our "grown up" names. Maybe it makes them feel less pervy for kissing sixteen and seventeen year-olds.

"Hey are your girls up for some partying?"Rodrigo already had his arm around Lexie. I swear that girl needs a boyfriend ASAP. Or she0s going to get an STD.

"No, Maddie's parents are on their way" I said.

"Li-ar"Kyle taunted smirking at me. "Maddie's parents are with your parents and Ade' old people barbeque is being hosted at Rod's house" Of course. Stupid boys, stupid parents. I was so not in the mood right now. Emily's little chat was way bizarre, and Jared had stirred up a mix of emotions in me. I didn't even know where to begin untangling this mess, and make sense of it. So the last thing I needed was this.

"We could go and grab something to eat" Rod said nuzzling Lexie on the neck. Yuck!! Keep it on your pants.

"We were going to order pizza.."Maddie said smiling. The hag is giving in to my cousin's muddy green eyes. That was his supposed appeal, green eyes and tanned skin, yeah right. Or Maddie's and whoever else liked him ,excuse.

"And we're waiting for Sara" I added trying to buy me some time.

"Sara is not coming,Anton and her were going to Port Angeles" Lexie said. And little Brady chose this as an opportunity to sneak with his bike. He only had the decency to yell he was going to my house, and that his mom had said it was okay.

"Call your Mom and let's go"Lexie squealed. So much for girl's time and chick flicks. Maddie obeyed and went into the house and I had to stand there watching Lexie, the spokesperson of PDL (cuz you know in her case it's not affection, it's lust) make out with Rod.

"Shorty shorts"My cousing laughed. Yes make fun of my attire and my height Kyle, it's going to get you nowhere. I ignored them.

I drifted off and thought about Jared. Wow. Never in my wildest dreams did I really think I would get to kiss him. I know it sounds childish and completely immature, but I was still going over the kiss, well kisses. There was nothing innocent about them, and there was fireworks. I don't know if it was his tecnique, the fact that I had liked him for so long, or that we truly had chemistry. (At least in the physical aspect)

I wasn't sure how it would play out on Monday. There was a wide range of possibilities. Plus Emily and her knowing looks and all that questioning of what I thought about Jared was just plain weird. I mean this girl, fiancee or whatever acting like a teen gossip girl just didn't seem right at all. Which lead me back to Jared I wanted to see him again, the prospect of seeing him made my stomach flutter. However my rational side knew there was a chance Jared wouldn't talk to me on Monday.

I would feel used,but I had been there.

My mind was reeling on the possibility that Jared liked me at least for a bit more kissing. I cursed myself for not having anywhere to invite him, from the way things were in the _lower department , _we could have done so much more in the dark, and with a drink or two.

"Don't touch me" I snapped moving away from Kyle, unfortunately, I was forced to sit between him and Maddie. I sighed, this was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

One coke, a can of beer, a slice of pizza and a bag of chips later.

I found myself walking through the streets of La Push hoping the convenience store is open and these people get their damn ice.

Inventory: 2+2+1+1

*Rodrigo and Lexie locked on Maddie's bedroom  
*Maddie smiling and batting her eyelashes at every stupid word that comes out of Ade's mouth. I'm surprised he hasn't kissed her I am thankful she hasn't because that would leave on my own with Kyle, who's been pseudo hitting on me all noon.

And I say pseudo cuz Kyle's idea of romancing, includes insults, and lame jokes about me...

"Anything else?"Adrian asked.

"No we're good" We waited outside and I took this as an opportunity to punch Madison's arm.

"Hey."she protested rubbing her arm.

"Tell them to leave Madison I swear I ..."

"Easy there tiger, enough with the swearing."Well if I could get rid of the blonde fucker. Which reminds me I don't even like blondes...Urgh!!

"I'm tired, you know what I'm leaving"I was fed up."You're walking??What about your things??. No! At least let Adrian drive you, or maybe he can lend Kyle his car and he can take you."

"I don't want Kyle to drive me!!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Please don't start yelling at me. I didn't do anything"Right I'm a crazy person who gets mad for no reason apparently.

"Seriously, it's just I'm tired. I'll call you tomorrow" I was on my way to cross the street. When the bastards come out.

"Kimmy where are you going??" Kyle yells. Louder please I'm sure Mr. Mason heard you and he's sort of deaf.

" I'm going home ass..."the rest of the word got caught on my throat when I realized they were not alone.

"Kiiim"Jared breathed my name. He was angry??Or surprised?Or both?. Crap!!

"Jareeed...Saaam"I stuttered.

"We ran into Sam" Thank you Adrian,aka Mr. obvious."Why are you leaving anyways?"

"She's tired"Maddie explained

"Are you walking home?"Sam asked, Jared was too busy clenching his fists,I only nodded I wasn't sure my voice would come out right.

"I'll drive you"Adrian insisted.

"No it's fine I'll walk"I glared at him. He knew better than to push it.

"I can walk you"Kyle offered in a surprisingly kind tone.

"NOO!"Jared....growled?? Every head including mine and Sam's turned intp his direction.

"Jared"Sam said in a warning tone.

"I'll walk you"his voice was clear and low. Commanding even. I was too stunt to reply and the rest of them were confused. However Jared left them no time to question his mental state or my safety, because I was dragged across the street, by his huge warm hand laced with mine.

He was not rough, but he was demanding.I think we walked, in my case more like ran, two blocks before I found the courage or need to say something.

"Could you slow down"I was about to trip trying to keep up with his pace. He froze and his face shifted into a concerned frown.

"I'm sorry Kim are you okay?"He looked down to examine me.

"Too fast that's all"I tried to laugh."I'm short"He smiled his whole teeth smile. And I melted a little bit.

"I'm sorry, I just needed to talk with you" Talking.??

"Oh, about what?"

"Well.."Okay we looked dumb standing on the sidewalk. I needed to sit to calm down.

"Do you mind if we sit, there's a park three blocks from here."

"Sure."He automatically reaches for my hand and we start walking again, both of us this time.

The light's practically non existent here. park has no lamps. Finally we spot a bench and we sit down.

"So what did you wanted to talk about"I play it risky and I place my trembling hand on his knee trying to pat him.

Suddenly his hot breath is on my neck as his lips brush against my skin.

"Kim" is all he says.

I pull away slightly, just to make sure this is happening. He smiles again just scoots closer. His hand is on my thigh, he makes his way up, until his hand is resting on the skin between my shirt and my shorts. I gasp, the warmth spread like fire across my stomach.

"Kim?"he whispers as he nips my collarbone with his mouth. He is asking for permission. What a gentleman. I only nod. His hand is pushing my bra up. He captures my lips with his, and even though a tiny part of me wants to protest,cuz we're in a public place, I can't. He's so demanding that it makes me blush. Maybe Jared might just be in it to get laid. But then I realize I don't care. He wants _me_. And right now, that's all that matters.

The tips of our tongues touch, and I sigh. This time his kiss is feather-light, slow, and deep. I bite down hard on his bottom lip.

"Kiiim"he locks his eyes with mine.

"Jaared "I breathe. He claims my mouth again and I gingerly place my hand on his crotch. He's already massively hard.

It all happens very fast, which is why my mind suddenly goes blank and all I can think about is how much I need him to touch me.

I throw one leg over him and climb on top of him. I rock my hips back and forth, rubbing myself against his still-caged erection.

He groans. And our kiss grows carnal, needy, he tastes like oranges and pineapple.

"I want you"he says burying his mouth into my throat.

"Jared. please" I plead.

And I don't know how we end up on my brother's basement/bedroom.I don't know if Jared has a condom. I don't care we will christen my brother's bed. Hell my parents could arrive and I don't even hesitate when he takes off his jeans.

All I care and know is I'm about to lose it, to the guy I have crushed for the last three years.

And I'm loving every single second of it.

* * *

a/N: updating on friday maybe. be


	8. Are we code talking now?

**a/N:**so i'll stop being a review whore, lol. i just like writting this story so much ill keep updating, thanks to you girls who do review!!!lol haha. be warned this is not your typical lemon

xD!!!

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
**

* * *

**8. Are we code talking now??**

Have your ever been in a sauna?? No? Well I have, I don't know what all those grown up people keep gushing about the relaxing and losing weight wonders. I did not lose one gram when I used it. Probably because I was only there for like five minutes. And I wasn't relaxed at all. How could I be?? When the air that goes through your nose burns, it literally hurts to breath. You get suffocated, and you sweat like a pig, and your skin becomes all sticky. The towel becomes too much to bear and you just want to stand or sit naked to get through the heat.

Why bring it up?

Because lying on my brother's bed,with Jared on top of me wearing nothing but his boxer briefs is a very similar experience. I'm wearing my whity tighties only too, although my bra has been practically shoved to my waist, and is not covering the skin it's supposed to, still the heat is overwhelming. The bed's comforter is literally burning my back.

"Jareed"I say between kissing trying to get him off of me.

"Huh" is all the response he can manage. The lights are off purposefully. I don't need him seeing anymore of my body that he has already seen. Light brings out all those little details, you wish you could get rid of in order to be perfect. You know a small pimple here, a bit of fat there, scars, etc.

"Get up" I say, and if he is confused I can't tell. The darkness makes his face shady, but he complies. I pull the bed comforter throwing it on the floor. The white sheets are thinner, ttherefore they will be an improvement. I don't need to think of my next movement because Jared's hands find me and pull me into another breathtaking kiss. The pace is slow, torturing, it's like starting all over again. His hands are grabbing my face at first but they slid down my neck, my shoulders, until he finally unclasps the bra, getting rid of it once and for all.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I know I will regret all the throwing around, when I have to get dressed. But for now I'm concentrating on more pressing matters. He lifts me effortlessly, his hands on my bottom pushing me up and spreading my legs. I trie to secure myself locking my ankles around his back. That leaves his hands free to return to my ass and press me against his huge hard junk.

The fact that he is able to lift me up and mantain himself standing without even wavering, is a little weird, but then again I do call him steroid man. He has huge muscles, and apparently and unparallel strength. I'm not that small. Hell I'm not even small, 5 ft 6 inches isn't that bad, and well last time I checked I was like 128 lb. That certainly isn't skinny. But oh well, this is certainly new. A kind of new I ike.

My underwear is positively drenched, I think it's ruined. He laids me on the bed carefully. He leaves my mouth, and starts trailing down kisses, when he gets to my stomach, I can't contain the giggles that escape my mouth. He stops.

"What?"

"Nothing.."but I can't stop laughing, I've never been ticklish maybe it's just the nerves. He lowers his mouth again. His moist lips leaving wet warm spots on my skin. When he reaches my white cotton panties he slids them down. His head comes down but I cross my legs. No one has ever gone down on me. And I'm not even sure I want him to. It's just too personal.

"What's wrong?"I choose not to answer, instead I sit to pull his face to mee mine. Once my lips touch his, he pushes me back to the bed. I caress his broad shoulders and follow the hairy trail down his stomach. My hand doesn't hesitate when I reach his briefs. I've done handjobs before, however I am surprised when his little man, or should I say freaking giant is released. So I am no expert when it comes to penis size, but I've seen a few of them. And even though I am not actually seeing this particular one, touching it and sliding my hand gives me a pretty good idea about the measurements. It's too long and considerably wide. HUGE!!!!!!!!

He groans, and growls, especially when I let my fingertips graze the two accesories that come with the freaky giant. He is hard as rock, and lubricated. But from the angle of his erection I know he's isnt quite there yet. I keep stroking him, playing with the pace, and he keeps ravishing my mouth, my breasts, my ear,which by the way almost makes cum.

I am so ruining my little brother's sheets.

I wrap one arm around his neck trying to pull him down to feel all of him on me. But apparently I'm really weak compared to him. I have to use both arms to let him realize what I want. A soon as his erection makes contact with my core. A strange feeling appears on my lower abdomen. I feel muscles I didn't even know I had contract in anticipation. And I know I want him. Our minds are in sync, because Jared moves his hands to my hips to position himself just outside my entrance.

"Do you have a condom?"I splutter. And I realize I still have a sense of self preservation. If I get pregnant, I die. Simple as that. Long story involving slutty cousins, slutty aunts, lots of babies,rushed weddings and a traumatized father. Let 's say it's a touchy subject for the family.

"Condom?"Jared asks his voice ragged.

"Yes, condom, you know..."Do I have to explain??... _just when I started to think he had brains_

"Uhmm.. No. Are you on the pill?"

"No!!"Does it look like I've done this before? Why do I bother asking..It probably does

"I coul finish outside" And under normal circumstances I would've said no. But the feeling surpasses me, and this is Jared, my biggest crush of all times. Chances are I would've ended up losing it to a Kyle-like or Paul-like persona. To be honest I don't even have any kind of expectations regarding my first time, I know it hurts, and that the girl rarely enjoys this way, when I look back, at least I can say it was a guy I really liked.

"Okaaay"This is it

"Okay"Jared says after me taking in a deep breath."Ready?"he asks. I nod,not trusting my voice, but I buck my hips against his tip.

And then I feel it, him guiding _it _with his hand. The moment it's inside, the pain almost makes me scream. Likeeverything else with Jared, this kind of pain is something I have never experienced_. _Guess my cousins were not kidding. It hurts. It hurts like hell. And he's not even half way there. The pain just keeps increasing as he pushes in deeper. He lets out a moan, that makes me choke back my tears. I bit my bottom lip. I don't want him to know this is my first time and how bad it hurts.

He's gentle, something I was not expecting. He does it slowly. In and out.

In and out.

In and out.

I lose myself trying to breathe at the same pace he goes, and next thing you know, the pain has morphed into a slightly weird sensation. But the heat is coming back. I beckon him to fasten the pace. He is obviously thrilled and gladly complies. And I feel it building up. The pain is still there but it's not the main thing I focus on.

I look at his face, the sweat covering it, his eyes half closed, and the eliciting sounds that escape his mouth.

The doubt leaves my body. He is the _right one._

* * *

He never came. Literally.

I sort of did. At least I think so. I did feel a sort of clenching. But Jared was still hard.

I was too tired so we tried with my hand, until my arm gave out. And he was still hard.

I even gave him an oral. He was still hard.

I don't know if he has never ending stamina, but by the time my parents called, he had to get dressed and leave with a hard on.

We didn't talk much, and I was too worried about "cleaning up" myself and the room to think straight. However I had all Sunday to remind myself about what I had done. The soreness was something I didn't exactly expected. I could barely walk without hurting, if I closed my legs it hurt, if I opened them it hurt. And to top that I kept having red reminders, as in disgusting and abnormal small bleeding, of my oh so lost virginity, throughout the day. Maddie said she would force me to see a gyn if it didn't stop. But it did. I wasn't ready to have _that talk _with mom.

I had to provide a detailed version of the events twice. Once to Maddie on Sunday and another one to Sara and Lexie during lunch on Monday. Jared didn't show up at the cafeteria as he had been doing last week. And I was a bit nervous about seeing him. So I liked him a lot, and it was great. I had no regrets. But I was unsure of what course of action would I prefer.

He could go back to ignoring me completely, and yes I would be offended and come out with a slightly bruised ego, and hurt feelings. But I would get over it.

On the other hand he could keep being friendly, and maybe we could hook up again. Nevertheless that was dangerous because it would only keep feeding my infatuation, and I would reach a point where I would go from daydreaming to actually expecting something more.

And the hazzle that comes with _that_ was something I didn't want to occupy my selft with.

There's a colossal difference between crush and unrequited love.

"Kim" Jared's blushing. And he's late. Class started five minutes ago and we have to work on our project.

"Hey you" I try to make it sound the best I can. There's no more blushing left, he's seen me naked now or sort of since it was too dark. "I thought you might have been skipping History, I wouldn't blame you for it. is booring"Small talk.

"No, I wasn't planning to"Jared half laughed "Actually I was looking forward to History. I wanted to talk to you, and well I wasn't at lunch. Had to deal with a little problem. Anyways, yeah...so no skipping for me. At least not today."

"Yes, now that you say it. I didn't see you at the cafeteria"I kept searching for you the entire hour like a moron "So what do you want to talk about?" An alarm went off on my brain he had said the same exact thing when he _walked _me home. Was that code for, let's fool around?

"Not here, do you think I could walk you home?"He says a bit nervously. For such a big guy, he looks cute, fiddling with his pen.

"Okay"I agree. I was getting more than I had certainly bargained for.

"What's your favorite color?"Total 180.

"Mmm" I deliver not actually having thought about it." White I guess or red. It depends,yours?"I automatically reply

"Brown. "So that makes us a totally lame couple. White and brown. _Couple??!_!See I was already getting carried away."You do wear a lot of white. But most of your things are red."

"Wow"He pays attention. That's like new. A whole new rumble goes through my stomach. And the grin refuses to leave my face

"What??"

"Nevermind" So maybe the blushing it's still my heartbeat isn't very steady these days. But how am I supposed not to crush on this guy, when he says something like that."Why brown?"

"Cuz I love chocolate, and chocolate is brown"And so are your beautiful eyes.

"Like your eyes"I slip, I didn't meant to say that...

"I have chocolate eyes?"His grin is cheeky, he is being cocky.

"Shut up" I laugh "Let's get to work or we'll never get this done"

Maybe this is something more....

* * *

Last class and Jared was already at the door waiting for me. He insisted on carrying my bookbag, he actually sort of stole it since it was without my consent but oh well. He seems to have a special power, when it comes to me agreeing to whatever stupid idea he comes up with. Cliff diving, kissing, and sex just to name a few...

"Keemo!!!"Shit I forgot about those annoying girls I call friends. Of course the first thing Lexie acknowledges is Jared. A knowing look, a sly grin, and a raised eyebrow and she might as well just scream Kim likes Jared.

"Where's Maddie?"I ask trying to deviate the conversation from any dangerous territory where I could end up embarrassed

"Doing laps, her team lost."Sarah explains. "We are heading over to her house. Wanna come?"

"We have a history project" Which we won't be working on, but I can't explain right now "Jared is coming to my house"

"Yes it's due tomorrow"He lies too. We're on the same page. I try to supress a laugh "So yeah tell Maddie, see you tomorrow" And we're out of there, of course we hear the uuuuhhh and awwwww, and their snickering, it makes me turn completely red. But Jared laughs, and once we are out of school property he reaches for my hand once again.

The warmth still throws me off, but the tingling sensations that goes through my body overwhelms me in the right kind of way.

"Don't mind my friends"I plead "They're just...silly"

"Actually I think they're funny"Jared laughs "Alexandra is hilarious on Spanish class"I can't help feeling slightly jealous when he says it. Lord knows Lex is funny and beautiful. Guys always come up to her first for a reson. She's a knock out. And I have never been bothered by it, but the prospect of Jared liking her certainly makes me a bit crazy.

"She's......yeah" I try not to sound too spoiled or bothered. But I end up pouting anyways. Jared laughs, and sweeps off my feet . lifts me off the ground and kisses me right on the lips, close mouth, not tongue, loud smack. He settles me down. He only shrugs takes my hand again in his and says "You look cute when you pout".

"What?"Not sure I heard him..

"You look cute, when you pout"He laughs

"Hold on. Just stop."He is certainly not allowed to do what he just did. Oh no!!I start walking faster letting go of him and trying to make sense of the crazyness I'm experiencing.

"Kim???"

"Don't say things like that, don't kiss me out of the blue!!"I yell "You can't just kiss me, and grab me and..."sweep me off my feet out of nowhere

"Kim.."He tries to cut me off. But I'm drama queen numero uno. So no Jared, you can't stop me

"No just listen. You can't do that stuff. That's just...No you just don't. You know what, just give me my bag, I'll see you tomorrow."He is too stunned and his grip is weak, so I get my bag, and start walking as fast as I can. Secretly praying he follows me, and tells me what I'm dying to hear.

"Kim what the hell just happened??"Of course with gigantic legs, it takes him live five seconds to cut my path.

"Look. Saturday was fun, it was even great. But I just..."

"Kim I like you"And a whole weight seems to be lifted off hi shoulders and placed upon mine. He breathes a sigh of relief, and I take in as much as air as I can "There I said it. I like you Kimberly. I like you a lot. Hell I like you so much I signed up for the paper and debate club."

"I.."He presses one finger to my mouth.

"Now, you listen" he says grinning "I know is weird. And it feels strange. However I thinkg it's a good strange. And that you feel it too. I like you, I'm not playing around. And I think you like me too."

And I can't help smiling back at him or blushing. "Don't be smug."I half threathen

"Don't be stubborn"He says taking back my bag.

"Don't be stupid"I cross my arms still not quite believing him.

"Don't be mad"His expressione completely serious, heartfelt. He lifts my face up, placing his thumb below my chin. And my shield breaks.

"Don't lie"I whisper refusing to look at him as I say it. Hating the vulnerability that settles in my body

"I'm not"He drops our bags to the floor, and in the middle of the sidewalk, taking my face in both of his hands. He utters the first "_I promise_"

After the words comes the sealing kiss. After the kiss, the recognition.

_I'm beyond fucked_.

Jared Middleton is stepping oficially Kim's territory.

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**a/n: will try to update soon. hahahaha**


	9. I pester myself

**a/N:another update!!! lol. i take it back im a review****wh*re. lol. reviewww pleeeaaseee**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
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**9. I pester myself.**

"Are you still mad?"Jared asks fearfully. He should fear me right now. But I don't want to snap at him even if he's the indirect cause of my disgrace. However he is brave and dares to seat next to me while taking a bite of my pizza.I only groan and shake my head in response. He's completely oblivious. Mad?? No I'm not mad. I'm frustrated and unbeliavably infuriated with myself. Embarrased. I simply want to drop dead, or be swallowed by earth for all I care. I will never get out of this stupid town!!

"You were great"Jared adds between bites "You totally convinced _me_ of donating embryos for research " Despite my frustration and self loathing he manages to make me laugh.

"Bullshit"the smile breaking in my face"I stuttered like an idiot. At this rate I might as well quit".

"It was just an excercise Kim. Most of us sucked."I glare at him "Not that you sucked , you were actually great, one of the best ones. And you certainly were the most beautiful."

"Jareed!!!Please be serious"I whine. Compliments like that make me completely uncomfortable."I need to be _the _best one, to get the internship"Jared gets no time to answer because Maddie and Lex join our table.

"Hey why is Jared sitting with us?"Lexie asks pointing at his head, which by the way is a completely rude gesture. Maddie ignores the situation and just giggles taking Sarah's place instead of her usual one.

"Because he wants to"I mutter not bothering to look up. "I warned him..."I say lifting my hands innocently. I had specifically let him know of our no boys during lunch policy. He said it was ridiculous. Let him deal with Lex then.

"You can not sit here"Lexie said through gritted teeth "There's four chairs, we're four."

"Pull a chair"Jared ignores her, and places his arms around my shoulder. Usually I am not the touchy feely kind of girl, but well with Jared, saying no seems useles.

"No!!"That was a bit loud,even for Lex.

"Let's eat, and well Sara is sitting with Anton"Maddie, the peace maker. However she should know better than interrupt Lexie when she's throwing one of her tantrums.

"No, because then one day turns into two and two into three and so on. Next thing you know he's sitting with us for the rest of our lives!!"

"Lives?"I laugh at this one.I wasn't even sure what we had going on was, plus I was going to be lucky if we made it to the end of the school year.

Jared looked a bit hurt by my laughter, but he huffed and turned to Lex"You'll learn to deal with it"

Lexie was about to hit him or planning to. And I didn't need this. So I sided with Lex.

"Jared I'll see you in History okay?"Chaste kiss, and it did the trick. Jared sighed but he's now sitting on his usual table.

I try to push away the need to go after him.

* * *

"I'm...."I don't let him finish.I've heard enough sorry's to last a lifetime. And if kissing him is the best course of action to shut him up, well I'm happy to he doesn't have to apologize he didn't tell me to try to punch him in the gut.

How was I supposed to know that steroid users have rock-hard abdomens that make your nuckles bruise and even bleed slightly. I ended up not only with a bandaged hand but wrist too. According to Mrs. Ateara, the school nurse, I would have to keep it that way at least for three days. So I was deprived of writting or carrying stuff with that hand, which rendered me as a handicapped person.

Besides my mom was going to throw a fit. And she would overreact like always, not to mention she would definitely tell Dad about it, and I was going to be submitted into a lecture of my carelessness, and disregard for my physical health.

"Your mom's not home"Jared whispers into my ear, when we finally break apart. I'm not getting any better at denying and refusing to whatever Jared thinks."Maybe we could..."

"My brother"I gasp when he starts kissing my ear. His tongue lapping delicately against it. I have to grind my teeth to keep from second his mouth leaves me, I feel the cold air against my skin. A feeling of emptiness washes over me at the loss of warmth.

"I'm really sorry about your hand"He says it quickly before I can cut him off and grins at me.

"You know people who are sorry, or pretend to be, wipe their smirks off their face" I retort crossing my arms, and semi glaring at him.

"Kim"he whimpers. Reaching for my injured and kissing my fingertips. The action makes me squirm, almost leaves me breathless. No guy has ever kissed my hand or fingers before. Thankfully I washed my hand just before we left school, it would've been quite embarrasing if he had to kiss dirt off or ink...

"It's okay"I say in ridiculous throaty voice "Really, and look on the bright side, I get to be lazy and avoid taking notes, or do any heavy lifting."

"I really meant what I said before"Jared ignores my light tone, and keep it serious. Part of me wants to believe him, but the smarter part of me refuses to. I'm already caught up in whatever _this_ is. And I won't invest any more feelings on him than the ones that I already have unwillingly.

"Just call me Kim, and we're good. No more adjectives"I don't need him telling me I'm the most beautiful. I'm not that type of girl.

"You're kind of bossy, has anyone ever told you?"His easy smile decorating his handsome face again or should I say gorgeously divine.

"I'm I'm bossy you're annoying"I roll my eyes laughing and trying to keep the heat off my is almost a given when it comes to talking with Jared.

"I _am _annoying, and _you're_ bossy and I like it"And once again I'm in his arms, my head's spinning, the heat's consuming and we're making outside my house for all the neighbors to see.

* * *

"Does it hurt?"Sarah asks. I shake my head, it doesn't only when I apply pressure on it. We're sitting on my porch. Mom is not home, she's grocery shopping and Colin tagged along, so I called Sara. The inner madness I've been experiencing with Jared is driving me to mental exhaustion, and I need help.

Maddie's my best friend, but somehow I figure Sarah would be a bit more understanding in this particular the only one with a real boyfriend.

"You think he does take steroids?"I don't need to say his name out loud. She knows who I'm talking about.

"Oh no!! I thought you were just joking"She looks at me, raising an eyebrow "I mean he's huge, and tall and sort of......freaky loooking, if you ask me. But maybe he just hit a growth spurt. Have you seen Paul lately?"

I laughed, that's what Lex had been raving about just today. "Yeah he's getting buffer"

"And well Adrian and Rodrigo are not exactly slim and short. I think it's quilete genetics, more present in some like Sam and Jared but...."

"It's just that I don't know, we're not exactly dating"I finally say it out loud.

"But you wish you were?"

"Yes....No. I liked him for so long, and we were just acquaitances. We talked about the weather, he ocasionally borrowed a pen, commented on and scattered that time I found myself daydreaming about him, but it was just my silly little crush. I never truly believed or even expected..."

"He would like you back"See that's why I picked Sarah, she's perceptive.

"Yes, and it's confusing, and nerve wracking, I am mess when I'm around him. That's why I punched him today. Yesterday we had debate club, and my argument exposition totally sucked. I stuttered like an idiot, and all because I couldn't get a hold of myself because he was there watching me." I sink my head between my knees. When I say it out loud it makes me feel more pathetic. "And then today he was going on and on about how great I was, calling me beautiful and perfect, that I lost it and punched him ."

"Okay didn't you guys had debate club last week together??"

"I hadn't kissed or fucked him"It was easier being rude and ignoring him back then.

"But Kim, why do his compliments upset you?"

"Because he's only lying. Guys do that all the time, tell you what they think you want to hear even if they don't truly believe it"

"Maybe you should accept the fact that you're _really_ falling for him."Sarah concludes after a minute or so of thinking. I look up a bit angry at her remark, but not at her."You're in denial"

"What I need is to stop this falling non sense before he turns me into blabblering idiot, with no control over herself"I am not falling like in falling in love. It's just hormones and a crush, and...that's it. There's no _love _involved."I don't even know him"

"I'm pretty sure you do"Sarah says laughing

"I mean like know him, know him. Like the favorite things and hobbies, and music and all that crap couples share with each other."We only had like chemistry or fireworks,in the physical sense. We didn't know anything about each other.

He liked apple pies and his favorite color is brown. Wow that information doesn't even qualify as friend wise.

"Well if you don't know those things is probably because you haven't bothered asking. After all he did his homework,now it's time for you to do yours."

"Homework?"I'm lost.

"Look I'm going to be honest"Sara said finally turning to look at me."You're trying to rationalize and analyzie everything. You need to stop. And open your eyes. Look at the facts. In the course of barely two weeks, he has practically memorized your schedule" true I hadn't realized this...

"...he joined two extra curricular activities for you."can't doubt this one he said it.

"....he's become a permanent visitor during lunch"which annoys Lexie to no end.

"...he introduced you to the guy he practically spends all his free time with" I already knew Sam, that doesn't count or say anything...although Emily talked to me that day as if I was his ........girlfriend???

"....and I'm not supposed to say this, but he asked Maddie what you favorite flower was just today when you were with Mrs. Ateara."Flowers??He was giving me flowers...

"He wants to spend time with you and get to know you. You should do the same. It's what normal people do before they get together"

"Well maybe I'm not normal. Scratch that I'm not normal. I know it. And believe me I want to, but what happens when I know him and I fall for him and he turns to be out even greater than I had ever pictured, but I'm not so amazing and he leaves me."

"What happens if he doesn't?"

"If he doesn't what?"

"Leaves, what if this is it?".

"We're in high school Sarah,_this_ is far from _it_"I whisper "I don't want _it_ yet. I'm not ready"

"It doesn't have to be anything you don't want to. But at least give it a chance see how things play. You never know" I closed my eyes, and placed my head on her shoulder. Smehow tears were involved now.

Everything just seemed to perfect, and that terrifies me.

* * *

"Do you mind telling me how I'm going to explain these?"I asked Jared. He left a beautiful bouquet of white lilies on my locker. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw it was a bride, it looks like a bride bouquet, and I feel a bit silly carrying it.

Jared apparently gets to carry all my things, except the flowers, not that itwould improve anything.I still feel ridiculous.

"Well you could tell your parents they are for a biology project or you could tell them the here's a guy on school that's courting you"

"Not that they would ever buy the biology bullshit but I have to ask I'm being courted?"

"That's right"Jared says kisisng my hair."Sooner or later they'll find about us"

"Us?"I ask still confused. I guess I lost the memo explaining how it went from Jared and Kim to _Us._

"What are you doing on Friday?" he asks ignoring my question.

"Nothing I guess"

"Well now you are. I'll pick you at seven sharp."

"Get off your high horse I didn't say yes"I remove his arm from my shoulder.

"I didn't ask. It was more of a statement of course you would've said yes anyways." We are almost at my house but the I can see the mini van from here. Mom's in.

Crap.

"And may I ask how you know this" I come to a stop two houses before shakes his head, and carefully places my bag on my shoulder, he takes the flowers from my hand. Cuts one off, and places it on my hair.

"I'll take care of the rest"He explains, kissing my nose, and my forehead before he finally reaches my mouth.

I cut the kiss short.I don't need my mother pestering me about_ this_ too.

I do enough pestering as it is.

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**a/n: hopefully another update soon. Sorry if this is short,and feels like a filler chapter I might do a Jared pov again.**


	10. Girls my age have cooties too

**a/N:update!!yey!!! happy dance.**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
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**10. Girls my age have cooties too.**

Okay so I'm really freaking out. Or overreacting. I haven't quite decided. Tomorrow I am going out with Jared on a date again or for the first time I haven't cleared that one are we could end up doing the deed again, and I'm excited yet nervous. I am not going to wear white undies, again, oh no. I am going to be ready this time. I had never noticed or considered the importance of owning any kind of kinky underwear. Nothing lacy or pretty, or simply seductive was on my drawers. I laughed nervously at myself, now I was seducing Jared.?Who was I kidding? Of course I wanted to seduce Jared, captivate him was more accurate. I mean I had been close with other guys but Jared was simply something else. There was no denying it anymore. Jared was someone special, in the right kind way. He was right I liked him too, and it was weird but it was a good weird.

I was currently browsing for sexy lingerie on the net to get ideas of what to look for. Some of the stuff that came up was pretty revealing, things I am sure only porn stars wore. Did guys really get off from girls wearing these see through nighties, or bra's that didn't actually cover anything up. I totally dismissed those kinds of garments, I was nowhere near confident enough to pull it off. I was thinking along the lines of lace, and ribbons, something pretty but not too outspoken. I don't want to come out as a slut or anything or like I'm trying too hard, even if I am.

I read in a magazine once that red was a good color. I would choose a red matching ensemble and work from there. Red lips, red toenails, and light makeup. Really they should teach this kind of stuff at school, instead of repeating the same things over and over. All the teachers did when it came to talking about sex, was explaining the female and male anatomy, std's and how to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Nothing about what happened after your first time, how much it hurt, how to enjoy yourself or pleasure your partner. So many things were left out, important things that you were then forced to look up on your own.

Unfortunately I was the first one to lose it, so none of my friends could help me much in that department. I didn't want Jared to leave Friday with a hard on again. I didn't know where he was taking me, but I had already traded rooms with my brother just in case. We could end up sneaking in, and take it from there. I was going to be prepared mentally and physically. Having the afternoon free, left me time to browse and study a bit. I found this website that gave you advice to enhance the pleasure of your partner. According to the website one of the things that guys really enjoyed were blow jobs.I cringed when I read it, I had only gone down twice, three time if I counted Jared. And I didn't like it all. I felt like I was choking, my eyes would get teary, and it didn't exactly taste bobbing your head up and down wasn't a turn on. But for some guys it was supposed to be even better than sex.

There was this article gave you pointers to perform a better fellatio. Apparently men loved when you moaned or showed enjoyment from doing it, the vocalizing apparently sent vibrations through their skin stimulating nerves and the fact that you're enjoying it as much as them sends them through the roof. Then there was the eye contact, and I guess it was better keeping your eyes on them, than their things. Jared's chocolate dreamy eyes were certainly a pair of pools where I would gladyly drown myself in. And finally it said that men loved when you let them cum on your mouth. I actually coughed when I read this and turned beet red. Swallowing sperms made me queasy, but maybe I was willing to try for Jared.

Something else I studied for my date with Jared, were sex positions. I didn't want to seem completely unexperienced, he would get completely bored with me, and I was not having any of that. I wanted to enjoy our time together, suddenly the idea of Jared as my boyfriend didn't seemed so far fetched. I could picture myself sneaking with him to be together, or experimenting with him. Some of the ideas that were shown of this website were exciting.

"Watching porn Kimmy"Maddie snickered as she came behind me. I almost jumped out my seat.

"Have you ever heard of knocking" I said trying to close the website, but failing miserably. She only laughed harder and sat on my bed picking up the magazines I had sprawled on the bed.

"Been researching?"Maddie asked.

"Where's Lexie?"I asked trying to ignore her wiggling eyebrows and smirks. My computer was working against me and it got stuck, so I decided to turn off the stupid monitor. Kicking my desk in strolled in with Colin laughing. Leave it to Lexie to joke around with my brother, maybe being an only child makes you crave siblings...

"Hey can we bring your brother?" Colin was like a freaking toy she wanted to entertain herself with. I swear I would gladly give him away, but mom liked him.

"No, he can't he has homework" I lectured "Which you should be doing right now, or I'll tell Dad when he gets home" Colin only pouted and huffed, and Lex patted his head affectionately she whispered something in his ear, and he grinned and left the room snickering.

"I don't appreciate you making fun of me"I said, as I searched in my closet for a jacket. I was cold.

"Well you are no fun"Lexie said "Besides what harm could it do?"

"Besides traumatizing the kid for life after forcing him to watch his sister pick lingerie?"Maddie asked sarcastically. We heard the honk of a car. Sarah was here and it was going to be a long drive.

* * *

"Will you finally be kind enough to tell me where we are going??!!"I asked for like the thousandth time. Not looking at him and focusing on the screen before me.

"You need to learn to be patient woman"Jared said laughing

"Don't call me woman it makes me sound old"I said trying to picture a forty year old me with heals in a suit.

"Okay should I call you baby instead" Jared said scooting his chair next to mine "I'm done"Great he was getting the hang of the newspaper.

"You should call me Kim" Or I might call you by the long list of nicknames I have for you although that would only make me look bad and stalkerish or kind of obsessed....

"Kiiiiiim" What was with him and purring my name. I guess sometimes it was just bizarre to other people, a freshmen girl sitting next to us was looking completely creeped out. But Jared didn't even noticed, like always. After my little talk with Sarah I still hadn't gathered the courage to asks him personal questions, but I was more observing when it came to our time together. When Jared and I talked even if it was about stupid stuff, the world simply dissappeared. Like losing awareness of your surroundings, this particular fact annoyed my friends a little bit, especially Lexie who was an attention craving freak.

"You know the end of the year school dance is coming right?"I finally closed the program had been working and turned to look at him.

"Prom??" I asked confused why was he bringing that one up.

"Yes dance slash prom "Jared said "You know pretty dresses, punch, lousy dancing."

"We're juniors why should we be aware of our pseudo prom?" I asked getting excited at the prospect of him asking me to go with him. I know Sarah was going with Anton, he was a senior but before Jared came into the picture I didn't even wanted to go. I had no boyfriend to take me. Not that Jared is but he will be, I think or hope. Or both.

"Because I would like to take you as rehearsal?"

"Rehearsal for what?"

"Of our prom next year"

"Next year??!!! And you're already planning it."

"Doesn't matter we're going together"

"Are you really asking me out to prom next year?" I lifted my eyebrow trying to keep the laughter that was just about to burst. I had the feeling he was being serious again. Jared had these little flashes of seriousness, when he would whisper things with so much emotion or conviction it threw me off.

"I guess I am." I laughed trying to push him off, for being silly but he caught but of my hands in his and leaned close until he was practically breathing on face, making the strands of hair move slightly. "Promise you'll go with me"

"Okay"I said

"Promise Kim. Please"

"I promise I'll go" I said softly squeezing his hands, feeling the bubblign joy on my stomach and not being able to hold his intense gaze. Secrety hoping that he wouldn't forget he had asked in the first place.

* * *

Most of the mothers do their groceries on the morning while their kids are at school. Of course except for the ones who work, they are excused. But well my mother doesn't work she's a house mom. Cooking cleaning and caring is what she does. Which is why it pisses me the fuck off that I am here at the freaking super market doing the groceries with Colin while mom goes to some useless dinner with Dad on Seattle.

A change of plans doesn't even cover what I've been forced to do. With my mom and dad leaving for Seattle to the buissness dinner and possibly romantic night out in the city, going out of the house was a big no. Not to mention I was informed of their stupid plan after getting home from my painting lessons. I was a chicken and texted Jared to cancel, I was afraid to call him. I was really looking forward to tonight's big date secret plans...

Then Mom shoved a grocery list on my hands along with money and the car keys, and I was ordered to come here and get things. As a consolation prize Colin and I could have pizza and rent a movie.

I had scoffed at that and bitched all the way here.

"Kim can we get ding dongs??"Dropping two boxes on the cart. I only nodded and he grinned and ran to get probably more sugary foods.

"Kim, kim!!"I hear someone call me I stopped the cart and turned around, it was Emily. And she wasn't alone, her cousin was behind her. Leah Clearwater. Crap!!!

"Emily"I said smiling a little bit trying not to feel intimidated by her cousin's sneer. I swear I didn't know how Emily did it, I wouldn't stand next to that woman, she was amazingly beautiful and gorgeous, even when she was being unpleasant she managed to look stunning.

"Shopping?"Emily asked. I nodded.

"Yeah my parents left to a fancy dinner on Seattle and I had to pick the groceries."

"I thought you were going out with Jared?"Emily said looking confused. That perked Leah's interest and she smirked. "You are Jared's new girl?"

"Leah.."Emily pleaded at her, but I only gulped and tried to glare back at her. Maybe ignoring her was the best course of action. Leah was a self righteous bitch, and I didn't exactly hate her but I wasn't such a big fan of her ways. Besides what did new mean?? Was this Jared's thing, did he just woo girls constantly...

No!He said it was something special.

"I had to cancel"I replied feeling the blood go up my neck and color my face. Leah's wicked grin only widened "Tough luck, he won't be getting any"

"What??!!!"I exclaimed louder than I had intended, but the fact that Leah had hinted I was Jared's little slut was just outrageous.

"Leah"Emily said in the same motherly tone of voice. But Leah had already stepped out and walked to where I was standing.

"Don't be surprised princess"Leah said "Everyone knows" And she kept walking. Emily tried to apologize for her. But I was too stunned to listen to her. I quickly excused myself, the grocery list long forgotten and searched for Colin.

"Why didn't you turn right?!!"Colin whined when I passed the turn and drove home instead, skipping the pizza dinner mom had promised him.

"I'll cook" I replied "I'll even let you eat on the living room"

"No I want pizza"

"Well we'lll order in then"

"You're still mad at mom?"Colin asked. I didn't look at him, he was still a bit young for me to spill my feelings on him.

"No it's not about mom" I said keeping the eyes on the road.

"Is it because she didn't let you go out tonight?"Okay so the kid was pretty perceptive.

"Sort of. I really wanted to go out I guess"Colin snickered and I reached out to hit him.

"You can go, I mean I can take care of myself, I promise I won't tell mom"He said with a serious face. "If she calls I can just tell her you're asleep" I laughed, I couldn't figure mom buying that, and I with the bad luck I usually had, mom would find out and would ground me until next year.

"Nah, she would tell you to wake me up."I said

"But it's Jared" I turned to look at him surprised my eyes practically popped out of my head.

"I heard Maddie and Lex babbling" He admitted sheepishly "Is he like your boyfriend now?!"I laaughed at his horrified face. The kid is only twelve I get that, but I guess he still think girl have cooties, and maybe the fact of thinking of his sister and another guy peeves him. Truth is girls my age still have cooties, but they call them stds and guys don't mind them so much. I could explain that to Colin, but he's young I don't want to scare him off.

"No he's not"I assured him patting his head affectionately "Maybe but a girl could only hope right"

"Eww Kim, he's like fat"

"Fat?"

"He's gigantic, and all fat"

"He's not fat!"

"He is and he looks like a man"

"Well he is a guy"

"No, he looks older than Ade"he said as if I was stupid "Like Sam."

"Well he's a bit mature but he's just so..."

"Kiiiiim"Colin stopped me before I could praise Jared. I parked the car and kept laughing, I loved my brother, talking to him was easy and funny. We didn't fight s much anymore, and I sort of enjoyed when it was just the two of us.

"So are you like in love and stuff?"He asked more seriously. I shook my head. "I don't know maybe"

"Silly Kim"Colin said disgusted at my dreamy face. "You better tell him to watch it if he hurts you..."

"He's not my boyfriend" I said shutting the doorcar loudly.

"Yet" A deep baritone voice said behind me. He stepped into the light, and there he was. Jared in all his manly, mistyfying, mesmerizing hotness looking dashing and ready for our date

* * *

**_a/N: a BIT OF A FILLER AGAIN BUT I WANTED ONE MORE KIM BEFORE ANOTHER JARED ch. _**

**_BTW aLL little things i throw like her mother's dislike of jared, her father's overprotectiveness, paul fondling kim,emily's private one on one with kim, the debate internship and now little Leah's comment are all going to play on their relationship...it's just not randomness to fill the chapters...._**

**_how cute is taylor lautner as wolf.....people are saying it's abit cartoonish but i just loved it...._**

**_i wished they had showed the wolf pack...anyways..._**

**_promise ill try to keep updating._**


	11. My woman Your man

**a/N:update!!Jared pov.**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
**

* * *

**11. My woman. Your man.**

Kim looked positively radiant and positively flustered. She opened her mouth several times trying to say something, and I had to fight the urge to laugh. My experience with Kim told me laughing would be a really bad idea at the moment. Her brother glared at me and took the keys from Kim's hand storming into the house. Kim didn't seem to notice or care because she continued glued to the floor unable to react.

I tried to give her a reassuring smile and when I heard the door shut, I closed the distance between us, ignoring my common sense. The instant my lips touched her the sense of completion invaded me. It didn't matter I had just seen her hours ago, everytime I laid eyes on her again, the feeing was there. I could tell she was surprised by my rash action, it took her a couple of seconds to melt into my mouth. But her arms found their way around my neck her body completely pressing against me. Taken on the rush of the kiss and the adrenaline I was sure was flowing through my bloodstream I pushed her against the car roughly.

She moaned in my mouth but I was sure it was not of pleasure when she pulled back and one of her hands reached for her back, and she was frowning.

"I'm so sorry Kim, are you okay?" I said

"I'm fine, its nothing." She said rubbing her back. slightly. "Yeah, it was nothing"she assured me after lifting her t shirt slightly and looking at her back in the car's mirror. It wasn't such a good idea, exposed skin with Kim was too tempting

"Im sorry"I tried again placing my hand over hers on her back. She looked up confused at me but didn't move her hand. We were making progress, usually Kim would shove me away playfully or agressively but shove me.

"Jared didn't you get my text?"there was a hint of exasperation n her voice.

"What text?" I asked playing dumb. Yes I had received her cancellation but I had to see her. I couldn't wait anymore. I had to talk to her. Sam had been nagging me all week about it. And apparently I had screwed up with the sex thing. Not that I regretted it, certainly it was the best night of my life. But according to Sam it was my obligation to let her know what she was getting to, and formalize things as Emily had put it. And there was a small part of me that wanted to see if she actually didn't regret agreeing to go out with me in the first place.

"I'm so sorry I should've called you. Jared I can't go out tonight, my parents left for Seattle and I have to stay with Colin. I'm truly sorry, I was looking forward to tonight and I should've called you, Geez I'm so stupid, now you're here all dressed up.."I placed my finger on her lips, the gesture silencing her little rant. I could feel the quivering of her lips beneath the tip of my finger. They were still moist from the kiss ans slightly red.

"You're alone?"I asked trying to control my voice but it came out a lower. Kim only nodded, and I could feel the tremors extending to her whole body. her heart was beating faster. I loved the effect I had on her. Kim's body was the reason I became so confident. I had gathered tips from Sam, apparently as men we didn't have to pay attention only to what the mouth was saying but to the body too. The goosebumps, the blushing, trembling, fast breathing, and increased heart rate were all good signs iny my imprint

Kim dropped her shoulders and turned her face away breaking all contact with me and walking toward the steps of her porch "Let's seat" she said plopping herself down and looking up at me gesturing the spot next to her. "I did receive your text." I revealed "I just really wanted to see you" She turned her face away trying to hide her blush.

"Me too"she whispered. It was easy to reach for her chin and pull her into another breathtaking kiss. I tried to inhale her scent, trying to contorl my impulses. I was getting better at it but every now and then I ocasionally slipped.

"People might see us"Kim snickered, finally letting for air. She giggled putting her hand over her luscious lips like a little girl caught doing wrong

"Let them stare"I whispered nto her ear. I wrapped my arms aound her waist, lifting her and placing her on my lap. "In fact lets give them something to stare at" Kim only laughe d, while I rubbed her back soothingly, focusing on the spot that was not covered by her t shirt. I leaned down and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips, Kim's hands finding her way in my hair. I pulled away and smiled at her "You're amazing, you know that?"

Kim grinned and bit her lip in an embarrased cute kind of way "So they say"

I winked at her "I say" She giggled again pushing my hair off my forehead, locking her gaze with mine "Do you remember the first time we met?"

I hesitated, I didn't I guess we've been going to the same school since forever, but unfortunately I couldn't recall a specific childhood memory of Kim, it was frustrating how much time I had lost.. "Pre school?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I guess, but no I wasn't referring to that. I remembered the other day. It was on fourth grade." She said snickering

"It was?" I asked, trying to look back. Fourth grade, fourth grade... "Assignment?"

She laughed already thinking about it shaking her head. "Mark's pool party, chocolate cake fiasco"

I though back of Mark, he had been my friend during middle school and elementary and suddenly it hit me "Oh my, you're right!!How come I didn't remember that?"And I was amazed she did.

"It was complete chaos, and there you were covered in chocolate from head to toe"Kim snickered "In fact, I believe there were some gummy bears thrown in there, if I remember correctly"

I laughed along, remembering perfectly now. "No, actually I believe you and Alexa were throwing them at me when I was on the floor covered in cake"

Kim chuckled "That's right! You then threw our clothes on the mud. I remember hating you that whole day"

I tossled her hair up playfully" Yeah, well I think things have changed since then"

"Not really; I still hate you sometimes," she teased.

I faked a she was just messing with me. "I'm hurt!"

Kim rolled her eyes. "Oh please, nothing can hurt that big ego of yours"

I grinned. "True."

Kim laughed and slapped me playfully on the shoulder. "Ahh yes, conceited prat." I laughed and kissed her feverishly, running my hands through her silky hair. I loved her even more when she was being sassy. It was a different side from shy Kim, that only came out whe she put her guard down. It was the real Kim.

"Kim I' hungry"I heard Colin say but apparently Kim didn't so we kept kissing until it was too late.

"Eeeewww!!!Kim!!!!!!!"Kim pratically jumped off my lap. Menancing eyes´glaring at her brother's horrified face. "Colin get inside. Now!!!" Colin made gaggins noises pretending to puke before running inside the house.

"Jared I have to go" She said completely devoid of giggles or laughter.

"There's a bonfire at the beach tomorrow"I said "Do you want to go?" I asked trying to smile at her even thouhg I was sad that our time was up, again.

"Yes, call me or text me tomorrow"She said. retreating and breaking into a smile before closing the door. The werewolf buisness would have to wait until tomorrow. I was fumbling with my keys walking to my truck, when she burst out the door.

"Jareed!"I was too eager so I stopped and watched her come out running grinning."Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"I'd _love _to "I said grinning at her, walking back to the house. When we were inside she lead me directly to the basement.

"You can turn on the tv or something. Play whatever myr brother doesn't mind" Kim said "I'm going to take a quick shower while the pizza gets here." Showe and Kim that was something I could busy myself with. I heard the door close and I turned the tv. It was hard to find anything interesting since the room brought up memories from the last time I was here. I was really making an effort by remaining here in the basement and not running upstairs to the bathroom where Kim was naked.

Kim naked.

Kim naked and wet.

Kim naked,wet, and with soap...

Me, Kim...

My fantasy was interrupted when I heard the door open. But it wasn't Kim, it was her brother.

"Hey Colin" I said lightly waving with my hand in a very stupid manner. Colin didn't pay me much attention and only mumbled a hey. He went directly to his drawers, and busied himself searching for somethinf. I felt the least I cold do was try to do some small talk. This was my future brother in law. He had to like me.

"So how old are you little guy'?" It was probably the wrong thing to say since he loked up to glare with the same eyes his sister usually did.

"I'm turning thirteen on September"he replied harshly "How old are you? Like 20?" I laughed and shook my head

"No I'm turning eighteen this summer" I said

"You look old"He stated and turned back to his drawers.

"What are you looking for?"I asked after a couple of minutes of silence and him raiding his bedroom "A lighter" I patted my pocket and remembered I was carrying one. I was a smoker a nasty habit I had picked thanks to Leah. But one that Kim wasn't particularly fond of.

"Here you can have it, you sister doesn't like it when I smoke anyways" I said slipping with the last part I was sure Colin didn't enjoy the Kim references that came out from my mouht.

"Thanks" He said his demeanor completly changing

"You don't smoke do you?"I had to make sure I was not helping in the corruption of my imprint's little brother. He laughed and shooks his head, he took a little bag out of his pocket. Little color candle like shapes were inside. They were like candles but of paper.

"No, small fireworks"He said clearing my doubts. "Kim doesn't like it when I play with them so don't tell her."

"I won't. Don't worry"And I wouldn't. He smiled pulled out his pijamas of one drawer and climbed the stairs.

"Nice to meet you Jared. Bye" It was hard to go back to my fantasy after talking to Colin I had never seen how alike they were. The same nose, eyes, chin, and even the mouth. I came across a picture Colin had dropped, he must have been like six and she like ten. And they were almost identical. Kim's features had lost the roundness of childhood now and she was beggining to turn into a woman. My woman.

Even though my mom taught me stealing was wrong. I took the picture and hid it in my pocket. I had no picture and Kim. And this one was perfect.

Kim finally came down her hair in a messy bun, shorts, a tank top and sunglasses.

"The sun is burning" I said laughing as she climbed down carying tray.

"Stop it" she said the hint of laughter in her voice too. I took the tray from her hands and noticed she had brought a box of pizza, sodas, chocolate and popcorn.

"Can I ask why you're wearing them?" I asked as she pulled Colin's desk near the table so I could put the tray down.

"You can but I won't tell" she said " Now I figured we could watch a movie while we eat. You don't have to go yet. Do you?" She took a dvd from her brother's pile of boxes and inserted t.

"No I can stay here as long as you want me to" She turned off the light of the bedroom and climbed to the bed sitting. I followed her.

"Coke or orange?"

"Coke" I said knowing she didn't like coke. Good thing was I did prefer coke to flavored sodas.

"This was the only decent movie I found" She said using the remote. It was Lord of the Rings, the two towers.. And it was perfect, most of all because of the lenght of the movie. It meant more Kim quality time. Kim's perfection had reached new height. She ate meat lover's pizza, my ultimate favorite, and popcorn with chocolate syrup. It was freaky but we both were, imprinting apparently covered two of the basic on man's life, eating and sex.

* * *

"I saw Emily today at the supermarket" Kim said. We were done eating. She was sitting against the wall my head on her lap, while she combed my hair. It was making me sleepy "She was with Leah"

"Leah? d" I said. I hadn't talk much to Leah since I hadphased, I was avoiding her like the plague since she was really pissed at me for hanging with Sam now, and she was not the hating in silence kind of type. I was sure she would throw me a handful of insults at the first chance she had. I knew how haed it was for her to pretend everything was okay with Emily and Sam, but she was too damn proud to admit she was hurtying and couldn't deal with it.

"Yes Leah she was very rude"Kim said and from her tone I could sense she was really upset about I sat up straight turning my back on the tv and looking at Kim.

"What did she say?"I asked. Knowing Leah, she probably had taken it out on Kim.

"She hinted everybody knew about what we did on Saturday" Kim said looking the other way. "She made it sound like you do this "She moved her finger between us "Too often. Not that it bothers me. It's okay I mean I get it you're a guy and.."

"Kim stop."I said "I don't do this often. In fact I haven't done _this"_ I said mimicking her actions with the finger "Ever. You're the first and.."

"You were a virgin?"she asked incredulously "But that day..."

"No I wasn't. What I mean is this. Us" I tried to explain myself "You and me. What we have, how I feel. Yes, how I feel about you." I figured this was the perfect time to explain about the imprint and the werewolved and the magic. I would have to thank Leah later for giving cue after all.

"Kim there's something I need to tell you" I said, reaching for the control to turn the tv off. Darkness surrounded us but I was still able to see very little detail on the room still. Kim on the other hand was probably blind now because of the sunglasses.

"Kim can you take those off" I said with a hint of amusement.

"I can now" she said removing them

"Does the light bother you?" I asked concerned.

"No it's not that." she said "It's just ....forget it. It's nothing. I was just too lazy to put make up on, and well.....you have neve seen me like that. And I don't want you to.."she said gloomily. I chuckled, it was a good thing she didn't realize the fact that I could see her right now, and she was still the most beautiful sight I had ever laid eyes on. "Anyways ignore me. And tell me"

"Nobody knows about what happened between us on Saturday, only Emily and Sam, and well Leah probably figured it out" But because she was turning into a complete bitch she had twisted her conclusion to harass Kim.

"Sam??!!" Kim said releasing my hands.

"Just let me explain" I said reaching for her hands "I had no choice in telling Sam. Just listen please" I said once again whe I noticed her face faltering "Kim you know how the tribe respects wolves and that we aren't allowed to hunt them because of the legends and all that.."Kim nodded. "What does.."

"Well it turns out legends are true, and I'm a werewolf. That's why I'm all buffed up and tall and run a fever all the time" I said taking one of her hands and pressing against my cheek. "I phased a month ago. There's only two of us Sam and me. And well when we phase we can communicate. Sorf of like telepathy but we don't get to choose the thoughts we want to share..."

"Kim" I said when she didn't respond or say anything back "Kim I know it's a bit hard to believe but I..."

"You turn into a wolf?"She asked "You're a werewolf?"

"Yes"I said, feeling for the first time since I met her terrified and scared. She could reject me.

"Why are you telling me this? Isn't like a big secret" her voice was very low and careful, but there was no fear in it.

"Remember you told me not to lie. Well I don't want to because ..."

"I'm in love with you Jared" Kim sputtered before I could finish, and I broke out in a grin. "I have liked you since eight grade."

"Why are you telling me now?"

"Because there's nothing that's going to change my mind about you.. how I feel...how.."but I cut her off. I was fully aware that I had to tell her about the imprint still. But the fact that she was in love with me surpassed my logic, surpassed me. Rendering me completely hers. Her man.

* * *

**a/N: I had to end the chapter here of it would've been too damn long... anyways i'll post the second part tonight or tomorrow...next chapter paul phases.**

* * *


	12. MineMineMine

**a/N:update!!Jared , lemon be warned.**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
**

* * *

**12 . Mine. Mine. Mine. I'm not the sharing kind.**

Kim broke away from our passionate embrace, and sneaked out of my grasp, I heard her climb the stairs and for a moment I thought she had fnally understood that I was a werewolf and she was running from me. However when I heard the door lock I grinned.

"Get up" She commanded. I got I watched her pull the bed comforter I grinned wider if it was possible. I could feel my body react instantly to Kim's movements. I gazed up her body,my eyes lingering on her breasts before moving up and catching the mischievous glint in her eye. I pulled her against his body and smashed my lips into hers. She opened her lips, welcoming my forceful tongue as it drove into her mouth. I explored every inch of her mouth and she returned the favour.

I pulled away from her and kissed her neck, my hands moving down to cover her breasts through the thin material of her tank top, her nipples already hard. She threw her head back, moaning under my touch, She pulled her top off and threw it to the side. I rubbed her breasts, pinching her nipples before lowering my mouth and quickly running my tongue over one of them. Kim moaned again and looked down at me "Jared" she gasped. I smiled, loving how much she craved my touch.

I moved one of my hands and placed it between her legs. Kim's knees gave in and she almost collapsed.

"Oh, Jared" Kim moaned. She grinded against me and distracting me for a moment from what I was doing. I laid her back onto the bed, pulling her shorts down her legs and pulling her to the edge of the bed. She spread her legs wide for me as I kissed my way down her thighs towards the centre. I gripped her thighs, losing my head between her legs. This time she was allowing me access, she was open and ready for me. She started writhing when I touched her body. She couldn't contain her moans but did her best to not be too loud for Colin's sake. I moved my hand down and plunged two fingers into her, fucking her with my fingers, working over that spot in her body. Within moments, she came, not bothering to contain her screams any longer.

It was nothing like the sweet shy Kim I had been with in this same bed. Her eyes were on fire.

Kim was in a hazy as she lay on the bed I kissed my way back up her body, stopping at her breasts and tasting them again. moved up and kissed her, drawing her into a long kiss again, as she tasted herself in my mout. Her arms slided around my neck, holding me against her body, feeling the bulge of my slack pressings against her stomach.

"Take everything off"she murmured reaching for the sheet and covering herself as I undressed mysef. The covering only made me want her more, she had never looked more beautiful She was godess gripping the white sheets against her body which was dripping in sweat her hair in a disarray and thos lips curved into the most beautiful coy smile. When I was finally naked, she stood up, taking my hand nad gesturing me towards the bed.

"Sit down, Jared"Kim said, pushing meaway from her. I was so turned on by the predatory look in her eyes, so I did what I was told. She knelt on the floor, releasing the hold on the sheet and her eyes looking at my cock, that stood proudly in front of her. As I watched her eyes, I could tell she was still taken by the lenght. A wolfy gripped the base and licked the underside of it, sending a shiver through my body. She gently kissed the tip, tasting the pre-cum and swirling her tongue around it. She worked her mouth down, taking more of me into her mouth each time.

It was different from what he had done last time. She was deep throating me. She continued this motion, each time going as far as she could, waiting a moment then sliding back up. She moved her hand down carresing my other parts. It felt good, I watched her move up and down, the feel of her mouth driving madly over the edge. However I wanted to be inside her, feel the heat wrapped around me before I came. I moved Kim off of me, lifting her from the floor completely and crushing her against the wall.

Kim was shocked as I pulled her legs apart and then up , burying myself inside her. I stopped when all of me was inside of her, enjoying the feel of her wrapped tight around me. Lifting her ass up and pulling back almost completely out of her, I pushed back in again as Kim wrapped her legs round his body, forcing medeeper with each thrust. Kim was moaning as I built up the rhythm. Wanting to make this as pleasurable for her as it was for me I slid my hand in between our bodies and started to rub her clit. It was completely different from this time, I seemd to be hitting the right spot over anf over again as I pounded into her, the moands and Kim's frantic breathing spoke volumes.

Kim's orgasm hit her suddenly and she ran her nails down my arms and screamed my name, the pleasure tearing through her body. This time I followed soon after, Kim's clenching on me sent me over the edge. No condom or any kind of birth control, I spilled my little guys into her, bucking into her body. I captured her lips, much gentler this time, our tongues sliding along each other. When the shudders were over I walked over to the bed, still inside of Kim and we collapsed on it. Enjpoying the intimacy of being connected.

Kim was busy trying to catch her breath, she was drawing patterns with her fingers ony my chest smiling widely at me. I brushed a lock of hair off her face, kissing her forehead, her eyebrows her mouth, until I was covering her lips with mine again. It was slow, gentle almost delicate and when I pulled away I could see her eyes beggining to close, she was exhausted.

"Kim"I said

"Mmmm." she mumbled her eyes already closed.I watched her until her breathing slowed down and she feel asleep. It was perfect, she was perfect and she was mine.

* * *

It was like three in the morning when I heard the howling. Problem was it was not only one wolf howling, there were two differente howls, someone had phased.I turned to Kim and she was still asleep. I tried to be as careful as I could to untangle myself from her. She was even snoring, and it was cute. I kissed her forehead and started searching for my clothes. Once I was dressed I though of waking her up to say goodbye, but it was too late. So I figured I would call her first thing in the morning.

Not wanting to wake up her brother either I decided to climb through the basement window and leave. I would seriously talk to Kim into exchanging rooms with her brother permanently, I could sneak in after patroling during the week and in the weekends. Oh man the possibilities...

Having sex all week. Cuddling with Kim. That seriosuly got me thinking, the more time I spent with her, the more I loved her. I pondered if I should take my car to Emily's or my parents. I decided on the first. Both of my parents were in with this whole werewolf buissness but they were not very understanding with the whole imprinting buissness, especially mom. Emily kept telling me it was only norma for a mother to be slightly jealous, but my mom took it to a whole new level. She had been nagging all week about Kim. And that she wanted to be oficially introduced to the woman that was going to be my wife. I was not t keen on bringing her home, my mother could be a little harsh at times.

I pulled into Emily's little driveway and the light was on. She was probably awake. I turned off the ignition and made my way to the house. My nose was filled with the smell of fresh baked goods.

"Wash your hands"Emily said without looking at me. She was stirring something in the stove.

"Took you long enough"Emily said when I emerged from the bathroom. I smiled widely and grabbed a muffin shoving it completely on my mouth "Sam's waiting"She said hitting with the wooden spoon when I tried to reach for another one.

"I'm making a big breakfast to welcome the new addition, there will be plenty of food"Emily said pushing me out of the kitchen "There's a pair of sweats in the sofa. So you won't ruin your clothes" I went into the bathroom to change. I wondered who was the new member, Sam had carefully studied all the heirs. It could Paul ass face or quil or Jake. The last two were still young, Paul was my age.

And he had been bulking up. Yeah he would be number one in my hit list, if I ever wrote one. I knew he and Kim had something. What?? I was not sure, but I would soon find out.

When I phased I was received by profanities. Yes it was Paul he was cussing his brains out. They were on the other side of La Push near First beach. I ran all the way there. From what I gathered Paul was still shocked and angry. Emily might as well put that breakfast on hold, because this was definitely going to take a while.

* * *

"Son of a bitch" I yelled loudly when I phased back. There was a long gash that went from my elbow to my shoulder. Paul ass face was hot tempered and a complete asshole that deserved to die. Sam only growled at me. He had to use the alpha command on the douchebag to get him off. The boy was out of his fucking mind.

"Jareed!!!"Sam yelled. Here comes the lecture

"What?!?!"I spat back not looking back and spitting blood. The shit head had gotten my jaw too. Damn!.

"What the hell was that all about"Sam scolded "You know better, when he was finally cooling down you had to go and..:"

"What??! Think about Kim. She's mine, I can think about her all I want, he on the other hand can't"

"She's your imprint"Sam said a bit more softly "Not a possesion. Paul understands it. There was no need to lunge at him"

"Didn't you see what was in his head..."

"Those were memories Jared, not him lusting after Kim" Sam said as if he was talking to a naughty three year old.

"Same shit, that should let him know she's completely off limits. She fucking mine and no man will ever touch her again"I was shaking again. "I won't even let her come near her again. I'll fucking kill him if he even thinks about her again."

"Jared get a grip"Sam said yelling "You'll go down with Emily to cool off. "

"I'm picking up Kim I told her I would.."

"No you're not, you're going to do as I said. You should've thought of that before losing it like a mad man. Now go to Emily's. I'll pick yo up in an hour.""Sam roared using his stupid alpha command. I had no choice but to let my feet drag me to Emily's again. The asshole had quite a temper he was nowhere near phasing back. And that meant there was still a long night ahead of us. And even after he managed to phase back we would have to babysit him 24/7 until he got a hold f the mechanics and he could return to civilization.

However I didn't care how apt for civilization he got, he was not setting foot near Kim ever again. If he as much as looked at her I was going to rip his eyes out. The imprint was untouchable by law, but nothing I did would erase the fact that they had something. Even if it was once or twice. Someone else had claimed her, and that made furious. It was not jealousy, I didn't suspect Kim had feelings for the douche bag, it was more Like an animal instinct, a sense of posession, of claiming what was mine. it was primal and urgent but I couldn`t supress it.

When the little house came into view, I figured there would be no need to knock, but my instinct of self preservation kicked in, and I covered my manly parts. The door was open, and none other than Leah freaking Clearwater was there sitting on the steps smoking a cigarrette.

"What are you doing here?"I asked dumbly staring at her.

"Should I ask the same question to you or should I guess" she said laughing. Leah knew about the whole werewolf buisssnes. Her father had told her the truth after Sam imprinted and Emily got hurt. He refused to having his little girl thinking she was not good enough for Sam. If you asked me, it hadn't helped much, she was still angry at the world, at her friends, at Sam, basicallly she had enough hate to spread.

"Emily, Jared's here" Leah called into the kitchen. Emily was the only person she didn't hate. After the accident she had forgave her. Scars were a pretty high price to pay for her wrong, and Leah wasn't evil. She cared for them enough to forgive her.

"Thanks"She smirked at me and offered me a cigarrette. I took one from the box, and she lighted it for sat next to her. Smoking made me relax

"Welcome" She exhaled the smoke in my face and broke into a bitter laugh again "So you and Kim Connweller?" Just hearing her name placed a grin on my face, and I probably looked dorky because Leah slapped my face affectionately.

"You imprinted men make me sick"

"I don't know if I should thank you or yell at you by the way"I said remembering what Kim had told me. "You scared Kim, but I ended up telling her thanks to you"

"About the imprint?" I needed to tell her yet about that. I wondered how would she react. She would probably accept it, she was in love with me. She had said so.

"Not that about me morphing into a giant dog" I answered "I'm sorry about not calling and everything. I just wasn't sure how you'd take it"

"Backstabber"She taunted "How else? Besides since you imprinted it's probably for the best..."

"Yeah, maybe. Who know maybe one fo the guys will imprint on you"The words escaped my lips and it was too late when I watched her face get completely serious.

"I don't want a love sick puppy following me around. Maybe that's the shit Emiky and Kim dig, but it's not my thing. I'm leaving as soon as I graduate"That got me thinking aht maybe Kim wouldn't want to stay with me at La Puhs. She was smart meant to be great, but how could she be great if she was stuck here with me.

Emily came out before I could get depressed

"I'm ready" Emily said fnally stepping out "Jared there's food on the kitchen and you can heat it on the microwave." Leah dropped the cigarrette to the floor and stepped on it. Dusting off her denim skirt.

"Where are yo going?"I asked confused.

"Bonfire, butthead"Leah scowled. I bullshitted Emily about Sam's order and drove with them to the bonfire. It was until we were on leah's car that I remmebered my cellphone was with the rest of my clothes on Emily's couch. Leah cursed at me and refused to turn around, I figured I would peek at the bonfire and luckily Kim would be there wit her friends and if not I could always go to her house.

As Leah pulled in. Leah burst out laughing when I got ouf of the car "Nice look"

"Leah by any chance do you have a shirt on you trunk?"Emily asked politely smiling at me. Leah nodded and kept laughing. She finally gave me a green shirt, it was definetely a man's not Seth's and something told me neither was it Sam's.

"If you want it, if you don't .Screw you" Leah was always a step ahead, insulting people, she ran off. Emily after her giving me a polite smile and walking to meet her cousin's hurried pace.

The shirt wasn't that ugly it was just too bright. I was busy making my way over the crowd of people trying to see her or pick her scent.

It didn't take me long. She reeked and not only of vanilla and coconut, but alcohol. She smelled like a fucking piña colada, and she was struggling with her feet over the sand. And just as she was about to fall out flat on her face, a pair of arms, that were not mine, wrapped around her waist, and she giggled.

She giggled.

She giggled. The flirty way, batting eyelashes kind of way.

And I was beyond mad. It was the same fucking sound I had heard on Paul's memory, and the same expression I had seen. Clouded eyes, red lips, and shiny skin. Kim drunk giggling, and flirting was not allowed.

What the hell was she doing??!!!!

* * *

**a**/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I blame school, but it's finally over. Tomoroow I'm a free woman, and that means more updates. Im devoting to finishing my stories this summer. Thanks for you guys who reviewed.


	13. Not a crush

**a/n: it's short.. sorry 4 that**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.  
**

* * *

**13. Not a crush.**

I almost tripped.

And I giggled. It was funny. My friends were laughing with me . And Mark who was currenltly holding me was laughing in my ear too. He was probably drunk , and chances were that if we didn't sit or went to solid ground, the both of us would fall.

Why on heaven's name would people make parties on beaches. Beaches are full of sand. Sand is the perfect example for uneven grounds. Uneven grounds don't help the uncoordinated. And drunk people usually don't coordinate their movements very well. Not that I'm drunk. It's just that you can be sittting enjoying pineapple juice with vodka, completely calmed and collected. But then you stand up the wind blows on your face, and suddenly you're holding out for dear life because you can't give three steps without losing balance or without the risk of sand getting in your mouth nose and eyes.

Usually I don't tend to be so clumsy when I drink. But let's say today was just one of those days, I had maybe a little too much. I mean I was in a foul mood all day, and I figured I would try to make most of it and at least have fun. I've been so caught up with Jared, analyzing and overthinking every little word that comes out of his mouth and everything he does, I pretty much stopped having fun. Not that being with Jared is dull, of course it's fun it's just a different kind of feeling. Everything is so intense and then it's not. And I'm in a whirlwind most of the times. Overwhelmed by him and his antics.

Speaking of the devil.

"Lover boy at twelve clock"Lexie groaned, proceeding to take a large gulp of whatever she was drinking. To say Lexie didn't like Jared would be an understatement and to be honest, right now I wasn't liking him very much. Not wanting to face him in my current state of mind, I started walking to the other side before he could make his way to me, untangling myself from Mark's grasp in the process.

Of course with his supernatural abilities or whatever traits that the supposed wolf gave him, made him a freak and a really fast walker or runner. I wasn't sure how he had gotten here. I just blinked and one moment he was behind me and the next one he was in front of me, completely blocking my view, red and looking about to explode. I only laughed at his stupid disgruntled handsome face. Either it was my anger starting to surface or my consumption of alcohol, but this was not going to be pretty. I was ver sure of that.

"Get out of my way" I said as sharply as I could recovering from the laugh.

"You're mad?"How perceptive.

"No, of course not. It's just that seeing you is ovewhelming I just can't take it" I said as sarcastically as I could "Just move"

"That was sarcasm" He said as an afterthought. Thank you captain obvious "You're mad....at me?"

"Jared just please go, why are you even here?"I asked annoyed that he was not letting me get through. It was pretty obvious this was going to turn into an argument, and I didn't want to fight in front of the whole party.

"I invited you remember?"He said a bit more softlty "I asked you to come with _me_" He said emphasizing the me part.

"Exactly.."What was the deal with this guy anyways. I started walking away in the other direction, aware that Jared was following me.

"Kim please wait"As if......

I wanted to get away from him right now.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it. I.."just couldn't find the words to say how I was could I explain that I had spent the whole day glued to my cellphone hoping he would call me without sounding pathetic. I couldn't.

I just had woken up naked in my bed and he was gone no note, no call,nothing. I had tried very hard to push away the feeling of rejection but as the hours passed and there was nothing it was impossible for me not to feel ridiculous. And that crap about myths and werewolf made it worse. I had believed his cheap story, I wasn't five for god's sake. I knew better...

"Why are you doing this?"He said finally seizing me by the arms and forcing me to face him. He looked pained and sad, and that only made feel worse. Confused came up short to what I was feeling.

"Doing what?"I whispered afraid he would notice the trembling in my tone, I was very close to breaking down and crying. And I wasn't even sure if it was because of Jared, my foul mood or the drinking seconday effects.

"Mark"and he started trembling "You were with Mark" he said more agressively. So he was jealous. I laughed again. The nerve...

"Well why shouldn't I?"I spat back, I hadn't even kissed Mark but the fact that he was too quick to assume the worst proved me he thought like everyone else. That I was a slut, an easy girl. Hadn't I just told him I was in love with him last night. "It wasn't like I was with you or anything right?"

"I thought..."

"Well you thought wrong Jared." I said gaining more momentum "Whatever it was. I'm done"

"You're breaking up with me?"I swear his voice broke and I was not able to look at him. He looked like he was in pain, like I was inflicting him pain, and that was not possible. Guys didn't hurt over me, in two or three weeks I couldn't have inflicted any kind of pain..No

"I don't think so, we weren't a couple as far as I'm concerned"I said closing my eyes trying to breath evenly to avoid the stupid tears that were threatening to come out of my eyes-.

"Then what was it?" He demanded pulling me to him, until I was breathing directly into his neck. I was not prepared for the emotion that his voice held. I had never seen a guy like this. This only happened in movies, guys didn't care. No, they were all the same. So I gathered the courage I had left to say what I truly believed.

"Lust for you, a crush for me. Just leave please" As soon as the words came out of my mouth he released me. Taking a step back.

"Lust?"His bottom lip was quivering "You think it's lust"he said a bit more loud. Taking advantage on the fact that I was no longer restrained by him, I sat on the sidewalk, burying my face between my knees. "Jared just leave please"

"Kim"It was Maddie. Thank God she was here.I was silently sobbing. I felt a hand rubbing my back, but it wasn't hot or big, as the one I had grown used to. I could hear my friends whispering to each other, offering me water, food. Until it was decided that we should go home. The moment my head hit the car seat, I closed my eyes. And drifted off.

* * *

"Pull over!!!"I was about to hurl. I was sweating I felt dizzy and all the contents of my stomach were slowly coming up through my esophagus and about to get spilled on Anton's car.

"She's going to hurl" Thank you Lexie for pointing the obvious., I didn't even make it to the Lexie's yard. I was puking all over the sidewalk. By the fourth time, I was already crying, Sarah had ran to the house and came out with a wet towel, Maddie was holding my hair, and Lexie was inside the house puking as well. Apparently me vomiting had triggered her, and oh well.

I managed to stop for a little while, and I locked myself on Lexie's other bathroom. I was not quick enough and I think I might've puked on the floor a little bit before reaching the toilet. I collapsed and dried myself in tears vomit. By the time I was done. I was completely void of energy of water. I grabbed some toilet paper trying to clean the remnants of my sticky mess. But it was pointless, I was going to need mop or something. I splashed my face with cold water hoping to feel better. But when I looked at my reflection on the mirror I almost gasped. The eyeliner was all smudged, and my hair was a mess. My face was pale and covered in sweat, I looked like a freaking prostitute after a hard day's work. Geez.

I tried to resign myself. Once I reached the kitchen my friends were there waiting. Sara quickly offeremed me a a glass of water with some pills. And I took them withot bothering to ask what they all knew better than to ask what had happened. Silent tears kept streaming down my face, and I wasn't ready to talk about it. I dialed my mom's number and after borrowing a t shirt from Lex. And brushing my hair I was ready to go home. ´

As soon as I heard the car, I grabbed my bag and waved good bye.

"Bye, see ya on Monday"It was my silent praire that they wouldn't call me. I needed time to think and mourn my loss. Yes maybe that was a little bit dramatic but I just wasn't cut for this kind of thing. He was the closest I had gotten to having something serious in years, and it all came tumbling down faster than I had expected.

"You reek of cigarrette Kimberly"My mother said harshly as I closed the door's car.

"Do I need to tell you.."

"No mom I know. You I know hate smoking anyways."I barely paid attention and kept my look on the window. When mom turned into our street I saw something in the bushes of Mrs. Tala our neighbor. A dog?? Couldn't be possible, she was your typical cat lady. The word wolf crossed my mind but I quickly dismissed it, I needed to get real. _Werewolves_

_Sure Kim._ _Believe his lies. Look where that has gotten you_

"Be quiet, you dad's asleep"Mom said as she turned the key. I only nodded and left for my bedroom. I had to supress the urge to scream when I opened my door. It looked like someone had been here and raided it, there were clothes thrown on the floor, and the window was open. All my books were on my bed, and papers on the floor.

"Colin!!!"I shrieked. Moments later my door was harshly opened, and my mother came in looking flustered "Kimberly what is wrong with you."

"Look at my room it's a freaking mess mom. Stupid Colin"

"Don't call your brother stupid, and it's your fault for changing bedrooms in the first place. Now stop screaming or you and I are going to have serious problems young lady. Your father is resting" I bit my tongue from snapping at getting in trouble. That little bastard was going to pay later. Now I needed to take a shower to wash the smell of vomit and sweat off of me.

* * *

He didn't come in on Monday, tuesday, wednesday or thursday. Neither did Paul. It raised suspicion, and the whole werewolf thing kept popping on my mind. But It was too silly to even consider as an explanation. I had been too afraid to share that little detail with my friends. I was embarrassed of what they would say if I told them I had believed him. I had barely explained them what had happend. And they hadn't laughed or asked questions, they had kept quiet, which had only lead to me feeling even worse about the whole thing.

Jared was right it did feel like breaking up. Even if I had never done it before I was playing my part really well. And when I tried to blame someone. I found myself unable to put the whole guilt on him. BecauseI couldn't only blame him, but I wasn't going to blame me either or go like my mother saying _things happen for a reason. _It was bull.

He had screwed up and I had finished it off. Maybe he could've said I love you back, if he even felt it. Or called or something. I could've listened to what he had to say. But then again if he was going to come with the werewolf crap again I wasn't sure it would've mattered if I listened or not. The thing that bugged me was that the last time I saw him he was in pain like he cared. But if he did care. Where was he? Why wasn't he calling or begging? I mean you hear all those stories from your classmates and sometimes friends about guys calling 24/7 asking to be forgiven, pursuing the girl until she gave in. But Jared he had jus vanished...

I did the whole angsty teenager thing. I played only sappy songs, and cried every now and then. I imagined a whole different series of scenarios of how it would play when I faced him again. Would he apologize and beg on his knees, would I find someone else to let him know what he had missed, would he just ignore and be with someone else, would we pretend not to know the other, would it be at school, on the beach... I had no idea. But my overactive imagination was not helping at all.

Besides having to clean up the mess Colin denied to have made on the weekend, I had stumbled across an old journal I used to keep. There scribbled of many of its pages was Jared's name. Sutpid word and numbers game to see how much he loved. His last name tagged to mine. And lots of mumbo jumbo of how much I liked him. I had laughed at some of the phrases I had written down. It was funny how foolish you could be at fourteen. But then again maybe I was still foolish. I tried to pen my feelings in those pages. And as the week ended. I was already done with anger. A little part me was thankful for at least having the chance to be with him for a little bit. I couldn't imagine myself crushing over someone like him ever again. Of course I believed I would find true love eventually when I was older. But the magic and sparks were there. I felt them. It had lasted one week, but it had meant something. At least to me.

And that's when it hit me adn I realized Jared Middleton wasn't my first crush.

Jared Middleton had oficially became my first love.

* * *

_**a/N: so sharing a personal experience. my /former best friend once told me he had some kind of telekinetic power(THAT HE COULD MOVE ENERGY SOME CRAP LIKE THAT). And the first thing that came to my mind was that he was bullshitting me but then again I was so in love with him I didn't dare to laugh or question what he had said cuz he was so serious and looked like he meant it. The reason why I didn't ask him to show me or justify himself, was because I didn't believe it so I didn't want to be dissapointed on him or show him I thought he was lying. When he did show me the weird thing he could do willingly it was very creepy. Until now I haven't decided if it was my mind playing tricks on my eyes and my hands(cuz i felt it too) or he really had a special gift. **_

_**so i wanted to portray that on my story. kim wanted to believe him on chapter 11, cuz she sort of realized how strong she feels about him but after he screws up she reasons it's completely impossible and first I wanted Jared to be mad, but then I remembered how imprinting works and I FIGURED he wouldn't be able even if he wanted to. i hope it makes sense it's 3 in the morning and my lights are off, im going to be blind when i turn 25 but i wanted to update really bad. forgive if i don't make sense especially on this author note. I'll try to read it again with broad daylight... anyways expect another update this week,**_

_**thanks to all of you who put my piece of crap on alert and more to those who take the time to review it!!!!XD**_


	14. Fck you

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**14. F*ck you**

I love pancakes. Pancakes with ham and bacon, and maple syrup. A glass of milk and orange juice to gulp them down. The smell of freshly cooked pancakes could wake me from a deep slumber. Mom makes the best pancakes. Even Dad, who usually doesn't like sweets, loves them. Besides they're way better than eggs. Because I hate eggs, they're breakable, full of cholesterol, stinky, and simply disgusting. Doesn't matter if you're eating them, decorating them for Easter, using them to bake, or to prank someone, they're stupid. I remember last Halloween one egg broke on my jean's pocket, I couldn't get the rotten smell out. Had to wash the damn thing like three times. I know. Who in their idiotic minds puts an egg on their jeans??I'm kind of stupid at times. Forgive me please. Anyways that's beside the point right now.

Let's say the very idea of ham and eggs, or eggs and ham just revolts my stomach and makes me puke a little bit in my mouth, and I'm not even hung over. Mom knows I hate them, why she insists on feeding them to me?? It's beyond my humble human comprehension but since Dad tends to get a little paranoid when I'm not eating (All that anorexia and bulimia propaganda it's getting to him) I have to drag my lazy feet to the table.

"Kimberly!!"Great the day hasn't even started and I'm already getting yelled at by Mom. I turn to her and smile sweetly as I settle myself on the table ready.

"Have you even washed your hands?"She scolded and then in a lower voice as she approached the table with a plate full of toasts said "You have no shame, go and get dressed before your father comes down"

I looked down and my shorts and tank top, and remembered I wasn't wearing a bra, but since I was too lazy to climb up all the way back to my room, I figured I could steal one of Colin's.

"Freak" I snorted as I climbed down the stairs unceremoniously and sauntered my way over to his dresser in the hopes of finding something decent to cover myself with. Colin being Colin didn't even bother to look up; his eyes were glued to the TV, as he moved his fingers and mumbled stupid things about the game.

His room was a mess. But what else was new. The kid simply didn't like cleaning himself or the room for that matter. There were paper all over the dresser, candy wrappers, junks of food, and dried spilled soda. That stain was surely going to piss the hell out of mom. I would make a note to myself to avoid coming down here for some time. I certainly didn't want to get blamed or even worse, forced to clean this mess.

I settled for a black t shirt with a little dead bird on it. And then something caught my attention. I swear it might as well have happened in slow motion, because it was like in the movies. I felt a cold breeze invade my skin, chills immediately on my skin. I turned to the source and noticed the window was open and outside on the ground was laying a single white lily with a paper.

My heart skipped a beat or maybe two, I'm not sure. But I am certain I was able to breathe, after five seconds or more, because my chest literally hurt when I did. I wasn't stupid enough to wonder who could've dropped it or send it. I knew it was Jared's.

I closed my fingers around the paper, wrinkling it a bit in the process. I looked at the flower for a minute or so, until I finally decided on leaving it there. I didn't need any more reminders, and how was I going to explain to my parents, we didn't exactly had lilies growing on our garden.

With the paper safely hidden, and the flower long forgotten, I ate my breakfast in the most rapid manner. Making it as fast and as painless as I could. Eggs have never tasted better. Excusing me early from the table I ran all the way upstairs.

_Kim,_

_I need to talk to you now._

_Jared._

Was he serious? Hadn't he heard of doorbells or mobiles?

Wait.

He was outside my house, or had been. I needed to see for myself. I grabbed my sunglasses, jeans, and I was out the door with a story about a book and having to go to Shelly's for it.

Good thing, my parents were too engrossed with their own affairs to notice my anxiety or the redness in my face.

"Jared" He wasn't hiding, not that he could anyways. With his god liked body, and the baaaaaaaare chest.

Double take. Yeah he's definitely bare.

"Kim, you're here" He breathed before crossing the distance between us and pulling me into a bear crushing hug, ending with a loving kiss on my forehead. A kiss? Was he mental?

"What do you want?" I snapped sharply. I guess myself preservation instinct kicked in, and I was back to bitching and snapping at him. It was too bad since he was looking utterly handsome, in the anguish looking kind of way

"It's all been a misunderstanding" he said."Paul phased, and I had to leave you and I couldn't come back and then when I could, we fought but it was stupid. And you were crying and you just left, and then I had to go back to Sam. And apparently Paul's just too dumb to phase back but I begged Sam, because I couldn't stop thinking about you and here I am because I need you Kim. I love you"

I should've smiled at him and kiss him

I should've said I love you too-

I know I should've melted on the spot. And I sort of did. Hearing him say I love you did almost make me wet my pants. I had never imagined _him_, saying those words to me. However being the stupid vulnerable mood swinging bitch I am. I didn't.

"Fuck you" Instead came out of my mouth. Charged with a hate and passion I didn't harbor or felt. Or maybe I did. I was fucked up like that, and I had proclaimed myself in love with him. Things had gone wrong, and now I was scared shitless.

"Kim please" I imagined his voice was breaking, but it might've been my overactive mind fancying it up.

I only shook my head vehemently and turned my back. Once I knew my face was safely hidden. I broke. New waves of tears assaulted my eyes, running their course through my cheeks. I half expected him to follow. I hoped for him to follow. I wanted him to follow.

But he didn't. And then I hated him more for it.

It was my fault, my doing. Heaven had been offered to me, and I had spit on it and pushed it away. That didn't mean I was apologizing or making it right any time soon. I was too proud. Hating was easier, so was resenting.

* * *

"Who's the owner of this jacket?"Principal Clem was asking. Too bad Jared didn't have any friends on the paper aside me. No one claimed it for him. I had placed the damn thing on the garbage ten minutes earlier. I knew it was childish, but I was resorting to that kind of behavior to counter his own.

"No one. Well I'm confiscating it" said the principal. "Along with these books" Did I mention I threw those too. Well lucky for me, he wasn't very popular amongst everyone. Paul and him avoided practically everybody on school like the plague. Did I mention he's buddy buddy with Paul. Oh yeah they were the bestest of friends now. What brought the change? Who knows. I'm pretty sure I served as a great conversation opener. I've caught them more than once talking about me in hushed tones or laughing.

To say I'm not pleased with the new development is pointless. I hate it. I despise it. And to top things Jared keeps nagging me. Sure I like the guy, worshipped the ground he walked on secretly, but I have dignity and pride, so I'm saying no. No to Jared, ignoring my raging hormones.

"Back to work everyone"Marianne said in a sweet voice when the Ms. Clem abandoned the classroom. I sulked and headed back to the computer. Proofreading was boring and sucked; you would think people who wrote on the paper would actually know how to write. Yeah right.

"Why did Ms. Clem took off with my possessions?"Here he is. I guess peeing can only take so long. "You wouldn't have to do anything with it" He said half hopeful, half smirking. I don't know why he keeps talking to me. I don't talk to him most of the times. When I do is because he has managed to piss me off, and insulting him into oblivion is what happens.

"Eventually I'm going to find out Kim "he said tiredly. I repressed the urge to laugh at this. He would find out and it wouldn't make any difference in the world. It was always me.

"How long are we going to keep this up?"He asked. My eyes betrayed me and I side glanced him. The red polo shirt he was wearing complemented his looks very nicely, but that didn't matter. I know you're probably wondering what the hell was I doing ignoring the object of my affections instead of kissing him senseless on an empty classroom. Honestly I didn't know. I just was too stubborn to give in. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't pleased by the fact that he had paid no attention to any other girl. Like when he had started talking to me, I was still the focus of his attention, except for those times when he would miss class or come in late. I suspected it had to do with

"Until you leave me the heck alone" I replied curtly taking my papers and my bag. Trying to ignore the curving of my lips as I excited the classroom.

* * *

The image of Paul and Leah going at it on Paul's car was very distracting.

"Urgh!"Lexie said fake gagging as we kept walking. "What a slut"

"Honestly Lexie. Slut?" I said laughing a little bit.

"Okay I might have some fun, but the little ice queen's worse" True Leah Clearwater was not my favorite person in the world. Truth be told the girl scared me, but she wasn't a slut. She was just a girl who had her heart broken and turned into a bitch.

"She had it worse" I said.Í wondered how would I feel if Jared and I had been in a relationship and he had dumped for Lex or worse for Maddie. The thought practically made me shudder. I would never forgive them. Either.

So that raised my suspicion. How come Leah had forgiven Emily?

Somehow the wolf issue popped into my mind. I finally believed Jared. But still kept that information to myself. He hadn't said much.

Emily's scars came to mind.

No he couldn't.

He loved her so.

Could Sam?? I unconsciously gasped.

"What?" Lexie asked. I only shook my head and she kept talking about Leah's bad qualities. I think the reason she didn't like her was because she was te only girl who could give her a run for her money when it came to looks.

"I wouldn't be too surprised if she made her move at Jared" Lexie casually dropped and I froze.

"Whatever" I mumbled quietly. Lexie smiled wider. Jared couldn't. Could he??

No he would never.

* * *

"You don't see the way he looks at you, Kim." Maddie

"Who?"I looked up from my fires, feigning ignorance and furrowing my eyebrows.

Maddie's expression turned serious and frowned at me. "Don't play dumb. Jared."

I smiled, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. "He doesn't look at me." This is, of course, pathetically untrue, as the boy in question was currently staring down towards our table longingly. I flushed slightly realizing Jared's current state and pointedly kept my gaze focused on Maddie's face.

The little twat chuckled quietly, smiling too "You don't see him looking, because you try to pretend you don't like him." So yeah I told my friends I was over him. I had kept very quiet to the whole buisness and thankfully they hadn't asked much. But is seemed Maddie wanted to play psychologist right now..

_"I do not-"_but I was cut off

"But the thing is, Kim, if you did take a moment to acknowledge him, you'd see you're wrong about him." Maddie paused giving her little speech a better effect. I felt the color rise to my face instantly and knowing he was looking at us I turned my gaze down.

"And, _geez_, Kim, my parents don't even look at each other the way Jared looks at you." she said coming a bit unnerved. I started to play with the straw of my soda. Maddie looking at me, and making another dramatic pause, only filled with the slurping sound of my mouth.

"And if I was to hazard a guess, I'd assume that if you were ever brave enough to look him in the eye; your expressions would be mirror images. And I'm worried for you, Kim, because I don't think it's a certainty that anyone else will ever look at you like that." I felt a hole in my stomach, knowing the truth behind her words. I loved him, and it was most likely he did love me but...

"You don't know what you're talking about" I said quietly in a cold tone, and Maddie sighed. She knew the subject was closed. However a few minutes later, I allowed my gaze to drift down the table, to meet those damn chocolate eyes that terrified me.

We stared at each other for a long moment. I hadn't looked at him on the eye since he had promised not to lie. Sparks were all over the place as we looked at each other. This was what Maddie was talking about....

And almost at the same time I lifted my chin. He set his jaw.

_Crap._

_

* * *

_

**a/n. hardest chapter to write. sorry. will try to update sooner. summer's just not being good for inspiration lol. btw loving the new moon new clips. the jake one was wow... i hope this chapter doesn't suck much....and thanks to readers. i've been getting more readers, i'm surprised. not so many reviewers but its okay, thanks to the girls who review!!!!**

**to anyone who had read my other stuff, know i love leah. so i might go a bit au in this story and have paul/Leah on the side since i''ve been dying too but im too lazy to start another fic so....**


	15. All the difference in the world

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**15. All the difference in the world**

Crap. Crap. Crap

I have never in my whole damn life skipped class. But I might as well start now. Because there was no way I was sitting through a whole hour of history between Paul and Jared after what had just happened. Not that something had actually happened per se, but the after effects of looking straight into Jared's eyes were not fading. I was in a rush of adrenaline, I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream, laugh or throw up, but the feeling on my stomach was pretty disturbing. It was like butterflies high on cocaine. And I was queasy, excited and sick. I couldn't deal with this shit right now. Besides I was betting my life life that Jared had heard every single word Maddie had uttered. And I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Everything was so confusing and I needed some answers. The problem being I wasn't sure where I was going to get them or what exactly was I asking for. I dashed without so much as goodbye from the cafeteria into the hall, to get my bag out of the locker.

I was almost done putting the books I was going to need when there was a loud bang on the locker next to mine that literally made me scream.

"AAAH!!!"I even jumped. When I turned to the source of the sound I found the door completely dented. And Jared glaring right at the locker door. The sight was pretty scary if I daresay. He was shaking slightly and his face was all red, his jaw clenched.

"Fuck Kim!"One punch

"Fuck Kim" Another punch

"Fuck Kim!!!"A final kick to the poor locker, and as a final result, the thing was basically smashed. If he was imagining the locker was me. I was scared shitless. I was even afraid of pronouncing his name. Too paralyzed by the fear to move. He breathed heavily and clenched both fists at his side. He open and closed his hands several times, making the shaking only more pronounced

"Kim" it was a whimper. And being the complete fool I was. I turned suicidal ,ignored my screaming brain and I closed my hand around his wrist. And once again I felt an instant shock of some sort I don't know if it was the trembling but it was, it wasthere for a second and then it was gone. Like magic he froze, no more trembling or heavy breathing. He closed his eyes took one deep breath, and angled his body ninety degrees to face me.

"We need to talk" He whispered as he leaned against the smashed locker pressing his forehead against it and closing his eyes. "We really need to talk"

"Okay"I agreed, knowing there was no was wa I could bull shit m wy way out of this. I was aware of the need we had for each other. It sounded lame and probably corny but we needed something, to talk, to kiss, to.... What. I wasn't really sure. But I was going to find out soon. I released his wrist, but his hand reached automatically for mine, as he entwined his fingers with mine. I noticed his hand was rougher than the last time he had held mine.

"Ms. Connweller, Mr. Middleton care to explain?"Talk about interuptions, a smahed locker both of us next to it. And the principal tapping her foot annoyingly demanding an explanation.

"It was like that when we got here"I lied. "Vandalism in this school is sure getting ot of hand" I had stepped on Jared's foot, not that it would actually hurt him, but just to make sure he didn't open his stupid oaf mouth. He wasn't a good liar, unlike me.

"I see" Ms. Clem "I'll have to report it to maintenance, you should get going, lunch is almost over"She eyed Jared suspiciously,after all this wasn't the first time he had damaged school property, but she let it pass. As her heels started clinking against the floor I felt relief wash over me.

"So skipping?"I asked closing the door of my locker and glancing at the school entrance. We had two minutes before the bell rang, and students would filll the hallways. He didn't need to be told twice. Without another exchange of words I was being trailed down the hallway very Jared like. I was reminded of the time he had dragged me away from the convenience store, the first night we had sex.

The parking lot was empty. There was was not one living soul on it. It was a long walk to the car, although it was not exactly his car, the one were standing in front of. It was red, it was old and it was Paul's. I was smart enough not to ask. So I fiddled with my key chain as Jared released my hand, I guess he was going to open the door of the car but instead he had raised his hand to my neck guiding me towards his face. I closed my eyes knowing what was coming next. But not even the knowledge that it was going to happen could stop my heart from speeding with each second. In less than three seconds he was crushing his mouth against mine desperately. There was no opening of mouths, just lips moving, reacquainting with each other.

My fingers gripped the hair on the crook of his neck, hair that grown enough to be gripped. It was desperate, and it was powerful. And without knowing why, I was crying. Moist skin was pressing against his face, and I was cryIng and whimpering like a stupid little girl.I guessed he felt the tears because he pulled away concerne, but aside that there was love radiating from his eyes. Yes love, displayed on his face, he smiled back at me. Because I was smiling widely enough, that if my life was a book, writers would've describe my smile to be one of those that lighted an entire room. Because not knowing why, or how, the sense of completion and elation filled that pit on my stomach I had only felt moments ago.

"Jar-ed"I said when it was vital to breathe again and we broke apart again. He shook his head, opened the passenger seat, stepping to the side to let me in. And as soon as the door was closed I could literally feel the echo of my beating heart. I was too afraid to look at Jared so I focused on my shoes. They were white and red sneakers which by the way were dirty. I certainly had to wash them soon. My mind drifted to this morning and the underwear I had chosen. I hope it was presentable in case Jared and I....

Hold on. I had just kissed him, we hadn't even made up and here I was already contemplating the thought of having sex with him. I was turning into a guy. I snapped out of my stupid mind, and noticed that we were no longer in the parking lot. We were outside La Push, driving to Forks I presumed. I relaxed into the seat. Forks was probably the safest choice, you never knew who you could run into, and my mom was pretty friendly with practically the whole reservation, the last thing I needed was a lecture about school duty.

" I'm sorry about your jacket, and your books, and your bag, and the food incident."I recited trying to remember all the rude gestures Jared had been in the receiving end of. "And you car. I'm specially sorry about the car." And I actually regretted that one. We had been walking home, and Lexie had spotted his car, and I had said something about him being such a dickhead and oh well.

"It was you??"He asked, he sounded amused.

"Not exactly I mean.. I might've said something" I admitted sheepishly "But I didn't mean it, and well Lexie took matters into her own hands." Lexie had used her own keys to scratch the paint off, spelling dick all over the door.

"It's no big deal" Jared said. "I sort of deserved it anyways. I've been a dickhead"

"And I was such a bitch"

"Don't call yourself that Kim" He said looking hurt. "It was my fault. I should've explained myself better, instead of jumping into bed with you that night. If I had done it, this wouldn't be happening" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. The car came to a full stop and he quickly unbuckled his seatbelt."We're here"

I turned to the window and realized we were on the outsides of Forks. There was a trail that lead into the depths of the forest a couple of feet away. The foilage this time of the year was completely green. I carefully stepped out, with a help of his hand. And we walked for five minutes before he came to a full stop and motioned towards a couple of big rocks that might as well serve as seats. I sat trying to take a deep breath preparing myself for what was to come.

"I guess I should start all over again" said Jared taking my hand, entwining our fingers the same way he had that night on my brother's bedroom. "I'm a werewolf."

"I believe you" I said feeling the need to say it aloud. Realizing I believed him completely. He continued his gaze never faltering "You know the legends, we phase to protect our people from the cold ones. The Cullens moved here almost two years ago, so that made Sam phase. Made Paul and me follow. And there will probably be more phasing, if they don't leave. Being a werewolf makes me dangerous. If we get too angry or out of control, we start shaking and we phase. That why we have to be so careful with the people around us. That's why Paul and I don't talk to our friends anymore. That is why Sam is always with us. He's the alpha, head of our little pack. He's been a werewolf for a long time now."

"Did he hurt Emily?"I whispered. Jared nodded. "He has to live with the guilt of it. He regrets it every single day"

"Could you hurt me?" I asked. And again, Jared nodded.

"I promise I will never hurt you. But it could happen. You've seen me snap out of control many times now. Just today...."

"But it stopped, you controled it" I pointed out, feeling the urge to defend him. I didn't want him leaving me because of that.

"I know. You actually helped a lot. But you have to know the risks of being with someone like me before you decide." He said lowering his head "You know I share thoughts with everyone on the pack, all my senses are enhanced. I see, smell, taste more than your average human. I'm quick and strong. And I heal easily" He grabbed his pocket knife and before I could protest he had opened a long gash on the palm of his other hand.

I could see blood trickling to the dirt, and in less than a minute the blood has stopped and the wound had started to close. It was almost magical.

"Decide?" I asked

"I told you Kim. I love you and I want to be with you. But before you decide if you want to be with me, you have to know everything" My heart did a sommersault when he said he loved me.

"There's another thing about my mythical world called imprinting. Have you heard of it?" I shook my head. To me it sounded to me like related to printing. But I couldn't see the relationship between a printer and werewolves. I would only embarrass myself if I said so, so I kept my mouth shut.

"You know the story about Sam and Leah right?"he asked. I nodded "Well when Sam dissappeared almost a year ago, was because he phased. He couldn't tell anyone, hell he thought he had gone crazy until the Elders found out, and talked to him. Still they forbid him to tell any of it to Leah. So despite everything Leah took him back and they were trying to make it work. They loved each other very much" I snorted. And Jared stopped.

"He couldn't have loved her much, he dumped her for Emily" I mean Leah was not my friend, and Sam and Emily were nice people. But what they had done was awful. There was no excuse for it. It was absolutely preposterous.

"He didn't dump her just because.."Jared said defending "He imprinted on Emily"

"Imprinted? What the hell is imprinting Jared?"

"Is like love at first sight. The moment you look at your soulmate after phasing, your whole world changes. And that person becomes the most important being in the entire universe. To Sam it didn't matter if how much he loved Leah the moment he looked at Emily"

"But.."I stuttered. He had attacked Emily, scarred her for life. How could he love her...how...Wait imprinting. Wolves imprinted. Jared could imprint. There was a risk I could lose him, just like Leah had, that's why he was warning me.

"All wolves imprint or is that like an alpha thing?"

"We don't know it's supposed to be the exception not the rule however-"

"And can you break or deny an imprint?"I asked "Did Sam even try for Leah?" I stood up not feeling comfortable under his gaze anymore. I hugged myself and started pacing. "I mean,it seems pretty unfair to have no choice who to love-"

"Sam didn't want to break it. And no you can't deny it or break it."

"I really wanted to tell you sooner, Sam warned me to tell you sooner. Before things got more complicated-"I cut him off.

"You should've told me sooner" I said my voice already breaking "I mean what's the point of all this. Why would I want to waste my time with you if-" I sniffed and broke into tears. I turned away not wanting to let him see me cry anymore.

"Kim I thought we could..I mean I love you Kim. You have to know that. I would never-"

"But it doesn't matter" I said sobbing "It won't matter because you'll imprint and you'll leave me like Leah-" He grabbed me by the arm turning me around and cupping my face in his hands.

"I already imprinted" He said laughing "I imprinted on you silly Kim" He placed a kiss on my nose, as I continued to sob "You're my soulmate Kim Connweller." I didn't stop crying if possible I only cried harder of joy, of love, of everything I wasn't sure. But this was bigger than I had imagined, bigger than I had expected. But certainly it was the only way to explain what I felt for him. It was not a crush, it was not puppy love. It was true love.

Jared Middleton was my soulmate, and I hadn't said it.

He had.

And that made all the difference in the world.

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**a/n: finally an update, sorry it took so long, so i have many readers, and many have this story on alert. thanks girls. cuz i seriously doubt guys read twi fanfics....and im posting a poll about the side paul leah to this out my profile.**


	16. No bliss for me

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**15. No bliss for me. **

I guess after the shock wears off, your mind starts overworking itself. I did stop crying eventually. And when I finally did, I have to admit I was embarrased. His shirt was practically soaked with my tears. I hadn't looked at myself in a mirror, but I think it was a safe guess to say my face was probably all red and blotchy. I was being craddled by Jared, in an almost child like way. There was certainly nothing sexual about the closeness we were sharing. I was practically sitting on his lap, with my whole body being pressed to some part of him, but sex was the furthest thing in my mind for the first time. All I could feel and sense, was how his face was close to my hair. How everytime he exhaled, I would feel the little hairs on my forehead move. The smell of cologne and his own personal scent coming off his neck. The heat by which I was enveloped and the sense of security and comfort I experienced by that single fact clouded my judgement to what had just happened.

Jared had told me he loved me. That he wanted to be with me. He had done that before. But he had hinted, _no _he had actually said that there was more to us, than teenage hormones, or high school love. He had stated I was his soulmate and he was mine. I was ecstatic at first.

"I ruined your shirt" I said pointing to the object in question, as I pulled back and tried to make discrete attempts at making myself more presentable. We needed and ice breaker.

"It's okay. I don't mind" He answered smiling lovingly at me, and pushing my hair aside revealing the left side of my neck. I felt the cold wind breeze, but it was short lived as Jared closed the distance and nuzzled in my neck making me shiver from the touch. He loved me, he was my soulmate, and not because he said so only or believed, but there was a a magical fact backing up the statement. He loved me because he imprinted.

"I really missed you"He whispered in my ear. He loved because of the imprint.

"Me too" I croaked, feeling my eyes close and tear creeping up. He had seen me afte phasing that awful night at that party.....He had imprinted then, but it was not his choice. My mind went back to his story about Leah and Sam. How much they had loved each other, how Sam couldn't fight it.

"Can I ask you something" I said gaining a bit more of courage and feeling completely grateful that Jared couldn't see my face right now. I was sure my skin tone had dropped like three shades, and I was less quileute looking and more ghostly faced.

"Sure" He said keeping himself busy with the strands of my hair.

"After the imprint, did Sam stopped loving Leah?"I ventured.

"This is about Sam?" He said sitting straight up. I nodded "Well he didn't just stop. I guess he just loved Emily more or the pull was just too strong. But deep down I know he still loves her, and he will always feel guilty for breaking Leah like that. I guess that's what's keeping him from murdering Paul."

"Paul?" What did Paul had to do.....Oh yeah I had seen him with Leah. That also lead me to thinking about my brief snogging sessions with the other werewolf. Jared probably knew it all.

"Yeah , Leah and him have a thing going on" He said grimacing "I mean I haven't talked to her but.."

"Paul's a douchebag" I said feeling sympathy for the bitter girl"Leah could definitely do much better"

"I agree" Jared said vehemently "But he's a cool guy underneath it all"

"Yeah I've seen you buddy buddy with him on school" I said trying not to feel resentful.

"Well with the werewolf thing, is easy to relate to him" He said."In a way at least."

"I'm sorry about Paul" I said dropping my voice, and lowering my face, completely embarrased.

"It's no big deal. Not anymore anyways. I sort of beat the crap out of him when I found out. But we worked things out. Besides lI never apologized for the girl you had to see me with at the party" Jared said sheepishly "I wish I had imprinted under better circumstances.." I laughed. It was definitely the worst case scenario for falling in love at first sight.

"But we don't get to choose" Jared said laughing along with me. And it suddenly hit me and my laughter died with the realization. He didn't choose me. He didn't love me because he wanted to or because he liked me, but because of some weird werewolf tribe magic that binded him to me. If he had been free to choose, he would probably keep ignoring me, and banging random girls at random parties. And Sam would still be with Leah, and I...

"What?" he said turning to look at me. Confusion in his eyes. I had always loved his eyes, those chocolate orbs that made my insides melt, had a definite glow today. They were sparkling, and I could literally see myself mirrored in him. He kissed the tip of my nose and I realized I had spaced out yet again.

"Nothing.."I muttered not wanting to get a confirmation from his own mouth.

"What's wrong Kim? I can tell something's bothering you" He said raising his eyebrows, his smile quickly dropping.

"If Sam had a choice, he would've stayed with Leah" And it wasn't a question. It was a statement. Jared looked at me for a moment before nodding reluctantly. "If you had a choice you would probably keep ignoring me." Then instead of nodding he smiled knowingly as if he knew something I didn't and shook his head beaming at me, as if I was a badly behaved little child.

"I knew you'd go there"Jared said smiling. "And while Sam's theory backs up your fear"

"Sam's theory?" I asked puzzled and curious to know what Jared was smiling at.

"Right I never got to explaining that bit of imprinting" He blushed slightly but cleared his throat loudly "Sam believes we imprint on the person who's more likely to help pass the wolf gene to the next generation"

"So you love me because I can have your wolf babies?" I blurted out skeptically.

"It's a theory" Jared says laughing "But Billy believes it's to make stronger werewolves"

"Which is pretty much the same." Every word that came out of his mouth was only making me more hesitant towards the whole imprinting thing. " So am I agreeing to be your baby maker or something, cuz Jared I am not sure about kids, I don't even know if I want to have them.. I mean I never thought about it... but.."

"I'm not going to make you have my babies Kim" Jared said offended "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to. And that's not my point."

"My point is I love you. And not because of imprinting. I truly believe that if imprinting didn't exist and we had eventually crossed paths, I would've fallen in love with you anyways. Because it's your hair, and your mouth, and your eyes. And how you're coy sometimes. When you blush, when you smile, the way you speak your mind. How intelligent and beautiful you are. How much you care for your friends. The music you like, the things you eat. Everything Kim, everything about you is perfect to me. And not because of imprinting but because it's how I always enviosioned the woman I would end up with."

"It wasn't crystal clear the moment I saw you. Imprinting was like opening my eyes, and seeing you. Feeling the pull towards you, but I didn't quite understand what was happening. Then I started to learn things about you, and the more I got to know you, the more my heart and my head started to make sense. The more I fell in love with you. I can't promise it will be perfect. I will probably screw up sometimes. But I can promise you I love you, and I'll love you from now on, despite everything, despite everyone. I love you Kim, and it's not some hocus pocus. It's real, it's here" And he placed my hand over his heart. "Your heart's not the only beating a thousand miles per hour when we're together."

"I love you too Jared. You should know it I've said it first"I said triumphantly I had all doubts gone from my mind" Thouhg I have to you rehearse that?"

"Sort of, I mean I had a lot of time to think things through".

"I knew it, you'd have to rehearse to achieve such eloquent thoughts" I laughed.

"Around you, I can't think straight" He said lowering his voice stopping less than an inch away from my mouth. Suddenly as if fire had been ignited, I was conscious of every part of Jared's body that was pressed against me.

"Likewise"I breathed unable to utter anyother sound, as his mouth blocked mine.

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Meet the parents.

To meet the parents is usually one of the hardest things a girl has to face when they are dating. However under our circumstances, meet the parents took it to a whole new level. Because this wasn't meet the parents of your highschool boyfriend. This was meet the parents of the love of your life. Parents that have to like you because they're stuck with you wether they like it or not. Parents you have to get along with, because you'll be seeing them for the rest of their lives or yours if you die first. Chances are they do, but you never know. To say I was nervous would be just plain stupid now, because I had already a lot to deal with.

I had hoped Jared would wait, a couple of weeks, months, even years before I had to oficially meet them. But with the imprinting, Jared's mother felt entitled to demand meeting her future daughter in law. I cringed when I heard that title coming out of Jared's mouth I mean it was all happening too fast. And it was not like we were engaged for god's sake. Jared had agreed with me and he had profusely apologized for whatever happened at his house. That had only led me to believe his mother wasn't the easiest person to cope with. And this was going to be quite an event.

I knew Kara Middleton. She was not exactly a friend of my mom's but we live in La Push. Where everybody knows each other. She was known to be a loud woman, overenthusiastic, demanding, and a little bit presumptuous. She was a housemom, like mine. I knew she was friends with Sue Clearwater, and most of the events on the reservation were organized by her. Her husband, Michael Middleton aside from being a professor on Washington University, he was part of the tribal council too, even if he was not exactly an elder. Jared had hinted his family was somewhat important and from the oldest in the reservation. Which made sense, only heirs to oldest bloodlines would carry the werewolf gene. That meant the Uleys, the Clearwaters, the Blacks and the Atearas. All with only one male. I had busied myself with gathering as much information as I could about imprinting , I had started reading about our legends. Trying to cope with it and understand it, since I couldn't talk to anyone about it, not my family or my friends. Jared had explained the importance of keeping the secret, so I would. I knew I could turn to Emily but that meant having to deal with Leah, who now a days seemed to be hanging around the Uley household almost as much as Jared. And since I had no desire to be in such company, I decided to keep to myself.

Anyways back to the root of my fears. We finally arrived. I glanced at myself on the car window and sighed. I didn't look like me at all. I was wearing a pale yellow colored dress, with a hemline just above my knee. No cleavage or breast was showing, and I was wearing only mascara and lip gloss. It was so not me, but Maddie had agreed that strolling into Jared's house with one of my tops and jeans, wasn't going to get me on Kara's good graces.

He opened the door waiting for me to walk in. I did but stopped, being too afraid of walking into the lion's den on my own. At least with Jared by my side, her mom had to pretend to like me right?

"Mom, we're here" Jared yelled dropping the keys. As we walked further into the house, the smell of pizza or lasagna filled up my nostrils.

"Just in time" Kara said coming out the kitchen wearing an almost similar dress to mine, only hers was a soft pink and with sleeves. I was horrified." And _you _must be Kim" she said walking forward. I wasn't sure if she was going for a hug, or a hand shake, or what so I just stood there as she closed the distance and enveloped in and airy hug. I could only grip her shoulder and return the air kiss.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Middleton" I said

"Call me Kara" she said sweetly "Michael the kids are here" Kids? It didn't escape me. Jared only smiled as he lead me into the living room where there was a tray with snacks. Michael was an older Jared. The only difference between them was the chin, and the fact that Jared's skin was like his mother's, and he had a more natural disposition than his wife or his son. I instantly liked him.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Mr. Middleton asked after the introductions were made. We sat on the living room as I got questioned by Kara about school, my schedule, my family. I was relieved when she announced we could take it to the table, because it was time to eat.

"This is delicious Mrs. Middle- I mean Kara"I praised. It was good, my mom's lasagna was way better, but this was good anyways.

"I'm glad you like it" She said " Do you like to cook Kim?" And the questioning began again.

"Yes I do" I replied. I was sticking to short answers in polite tones.

"That's good. Very good" Kara said "It'll be easier to teach you how to cook Jared's favorites if you have cooked before" I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or just open my mouth. She wanted to give me cooking lessons.

"Of course cooking's just a part of it. Sewing, cooking. I figured you know the basics of cleaning. Your mom's know for having her house spotless." Kara kept on going, the lasagna on her plate completely forgotten. I almost choked when she said sewing.

"Did you babysit your brother??" she asked then turning to me.

"Not often, but.."I was cut off again by her crazy talk.

"We could then cover the baby stuff" Jared actually choked on this one

"Baby stuff?" It was Jared asking.

"She has to be ready when the kids start coming" Kara said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't you think you're getting a little carried away hun" Michael said giving her a stern look.

"Nonsense, we have to catch up" Kara explained " Elizabeth Uley started months ago..." I was totally losing track. Elizabeth Uley. as in Sam's mother?

"Sam and Emily are practically engaged, although there's still no ring on her finger. Liz is confident he'll pop the question soon. It's only natural"

"Mom we haven't even finished highschool" Jared said "We have another year left and after that, Kim's going to college and-"

"College?" Kara yelped

"Really?"Michael said excited "Where do you want to go?"

"University of Washington."I answered smiling a little bit, knowing he was a professor there.

"The biggest university in the northwestern. I'm a Washington husky myself. I played football during my college years "Michael said dreamily "Did you know that it was in the Husky Stadium that the wave was invented,"

"Come on Dad"Jared said laughing.

"It's true. Before I went unfortunately."

"I think I read it somewhere" I said laughing a little bit.

"Have you decided on a major?"He asked. I side glanced at Kara who was now listening very closely to my answers her lips set on a thin line.

"Law, Societies and Justice" I answered, and Jared beamed at me lovingly. I tried to hide my blush and looked down at my now almost empty plate.

"Kim wants to apply for the Honors program" Jared added proudly. And I coult tell Michael was impressed, but Kara looked almost angered. I wanted to change the subject.

"I wish I knew that much about your plans" I whispered to Jared teasingly. I had asked about college, he had said he wasnt sure, that he was still thinking. "You could be a Washington husky like your Dad"And it was like I had suddenly killed the mood. Michael's face darkened. And Jared gave me a tight smile. Kara was just glaring at me

"Hasn't he told you?" Kara asked almost snapped.

"Mom" Jared said warningly but before he could explain it was his father who was talking.

"Jared wanted to go to Washington University as well" His father said wistfully "He was going to play college football, but-"

"But now he can't" Kara said forcefully "He has to stay. He has a duty to the tribe to his people. You can't obviously expect my son to follow you to Seattle."

"Mom" Jared said once again more loudly but to Kara it was as if he hadn't spoken at all.

"That's why Emily Uley moved here to be close to Sam. She understands what it's like to-"

"Mom please now is not the time" Jared said dropping the napkin on the plate "Kim we're going." He stood up

"You shoud've told her" Kara said standing as well. Michael only looked at me apologetically "Does she know what will happens when she leaves." And now she was not talking to me anymore. I was confused.

"It's enough Kara" His husband said. Kara looked like she was biting her tongue but she didn't speak again, instead she walked out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

"Jared you should take her home. It was really nice meeting you Kim." And he then trailed after his wife. I barely mumbled a thanks and we walked to the car in silence.

The many truths that had been revealed or brought to my attention were overwhelming. Jared's condition was not a job he could quit. He was never leaving La Push. He was bound to the people, to the land. But he was also bound to me. And I was leaving La Push as soon as I graduated...at least that had been my plan until now, when it was only me, Kim.

I guess now it was Kim and Jared. And that changed things apparently.

I guess my happily ever after was no where near. The bliss that was supposed to come after the sealing kiss and the promise of love was miles away still.

Shit.

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**a/n: so this story has more readers than my other story but less reviewers. however as long as i have the readers i'll keep updating. readers reviewers both made me happy hahahaha. anyways so they're finally couple, now it's time for them to deal with other kind of stuff, this is just getting started. and even if you don't review please vote on my poll about peah(i read this on some fic, so it's the credit goes to that author, to me it just sounds funny ahahaha)**


	17. Racing hearts

**a/N: Lemon. be warned. do not read if you have problem with lemons or sex or whatever hahaha. thanks for the reviews of last chapter , it was the most reviewed so far. There's plenty of kara middleton ahead on this fic. unfortunately for kim. **

**just not on this chapter hahahaha. **

**This fic is far from over i want to make a long fic,if i don't bore you first.**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**17. Race of hearts.**

I ran to the door as soon as my mom's car had gone out of view. Tripping over the carpet, I made it just in time to lock it. After it was secured, the handle moved, and there was loud knocking.

"I was not kidding you know?"I said between snickers. I knew he'd be spying.

"Come on Kim" Jared whined "It's not like I've never seen your house. I don't understand why you have to clean. I could help you" My mom had left to Port Angeles to buy some stuff for Colin, and then they were meeting Dad and going over to my Aunt Carol's to have dinner. I had excused myself from the little trip by saying I had a big calculus test tomorrow, which was not a lie, since I did have it. But I didn't need to study, I had been doing more than fine the whole year, so tomorrow was going to be a piece of cake. Anyways that had left me the house to my own for the whole afternoon, so I invited Jared to come over. What had started as a simple date had turned in my head into a major event of epic proportions. I had planned every little detail, to make turn this date into the perfect surprise romantic evening. It was my way of making up for the fact that we had to hide our newly found love and relationship from my parents.

He had tried convincing me to let him talk to my parents, but that was completely out of the question. Dad was going to hate him no matter who he was, and well I couldn't even count on Mom helping since she thought Jared was some kind of junkie and badass. Besides I had the upper hand right now, I was holding his mother's dinner over his head. That had gone terrible, and their parents knew the whole truth and "supported" the idea. I didn't want to find out how a dinner with my own folks would turn out, or even worse both parents. Jared had mentioned something about her mom suggesting a formal family dinner with boths families present. Thankfully Michael was keeping her in check according to Jared, I could only hope he would succeed. Because, it was easy to imagine Kara Middleton opening her mouth to one of my mother's friends or even worse to my own mother...

"Jared come on you promised, just thirty minutes" I said through the door. "I promise you will thank me"

"For tidying the house?"He asked skeptically "I could care less. Come on let me in"

"No, and if you keep whining. I'm calling it off, and I'm calling the cops on you" I said harshly

"You wouldn't"He said lowering voice.

"Wanna bet?"I countered.

"Fine. Thirty minutes only Kim, if not I'll let myself in" I didn't answer and only chuckled. I trusted Jared to keep his promise. I headed downstairs to my new bedroom. I had oficially traded bedrooms with Colin. I had to buy him to convince him, but it was totally worth it was very wrong of me letting my little brother sleep on that tainted matress. Everytime I stepped into the room, I felt a knot on my stomach. I squirmed just thinking about what had taken place here twice and of the endless possibilities that came with the ownership of the room.

My room was tidied, so was the house. Thirty minutes were all I had to tidy myself. I undressed quickly, and did my make up naked. I was weird like that. The lingerie I had buyed weeks ago was sitting on my bed ready to be worn. It was red, it was lacy and it was definitely sexy. I had tried it many times already and I felt confident enough to let him see me in it. I was nervous. I had never worn a garter belt or black stockings for that matter. Hell before this my idea of sexy was just wearing a black thong and a bra.

I slipped into simple black dress, and for a moment I almost changed. I looked like a girl who was going to a funeral. However I dismissed the idea of changing and stepped into the black pumps I had borrowed from Lexie, without looking at myself in the mirror again. I opened the drawer and took out the candles I had bought, placing them around my bedroom. A basement bedroom gave you night all day. With a final spray of perfume and dropping the matches on my trash can. I headed upstairs.

I fiddled around the kitchen , until the tentation to bite something was too big. I had to leave before I spoiled my breath. I had throroughly washed and rinsed my mouth three times.

Thirty minutes later Jared was softly knocking on the door. I smiled and shook my arms trying to calm my super beating heart to no avail, and opened the door. I wanted him to be shocked, but I was the one gaping at him. He was dressed in black slacks, and white with gray stripes shirt, his hair slicked stylishly, the smell of cologne reeking, and holding a single white lily in his hand.

"What-"I said standing like a fool holding the door. His eyes roamed from my legs and up to my face lingering on several body parts until they finally rested on my face. Connecting his eyes to mine and setting off the butterflies on my stomach.

"Maddie sent me a text saying I should dress up for today" Jared explained. "I was abit skeptical at first. And thought it was a joke. But I'm glad, I listened to her. I think she was onto something."

"When it comes to my friends, you'd better listen to her or Sara. But especially her" I said gaining my voice back "Lexie's the only one who's likely to try to prank you"

"So Ms. Conweller" He said pushing my hair back, to place the lily on my hair, making me shiver just by grazing my forehead lightly "Are you ready for your test?"

"Calculus?" I stammered, holding myself onto his frame, afraid my knees would literally buckle and I would collapse on the floor. He nodded as he traced with one finger the side of my cheek , gping down my neck. My head tilted back as an instinctive response to his touch.

"Yes" I gasped closing my eyes and trying to gain control of myself. I stopped his hand from moving any lower and finally opened my eyes. "We could go downstairs, watch a movie or something.." I trailed off.

"Somethings sounds good" He said grinning mischeviously. I had just half turned my back on him, when I was lifted into the air, my feet dangling. One of his arms under my knees, and the other holding my back. He was carrying me bride style. A roaring laughter erupted seconds after the deafening scream I let out.

"What the fuck?" I said punching him on the chest, laughing with him too now.

"Do you mind?" He said snickering. Stealing a chaste kiss from my mouth before I could protest.

"Not really" I answered truthfully. I was self conscious about my weight, but Jared didn't look bothered at all "A notice would've been nice" I reprimanded as I locked my arms around his neck.

"Maybe next time" He said before lowering his head down and touching my lips. As his lips began to move against mine. He started walking. He sucked on my upper lip, and I felt warmth spread throughout my body. I was no longer concerned with the fact that Jared had his face almost pressed against mine. I knew he wasn't going to drop me on the floor. Not even when he pushed his tongue into my mouth and I gasped did his hold waver. I fought back with all I had, there was certain agression in the way his mouth moved around my mouth, rubbing and fighting with my own. Sucking the life out of me, dragging my own breath. The kiss becamme needy and passionate quickly, until I was digging my nails into his neck from the lack of oxygen.

We pulled apart once we were on my bedroom. And it was as if we had traveled to some other place. The silence, with only forced breathing coming out from both of us. The darkened room and the combination of our scents had created an atmosphere I would've only dreamed of producing. It was perfect. His russet skin looked almost gold with the candlelight reflecting on his face. The light allowed me to watch how his eyes sparkled, and how the fire literally glowed on his pupils. Talking on that moment would've been blasphemous. So we didn't. We looked at each other, and with a newly found courage I placed his hand on my chest, just above my thundering heart, searching for hiw own thumping heart with my own hand.

I didn't need supernatural powers or senses to acknowledge that ours hearts were speeding and that they were doing it so at the same mind wrecking pace. Ignoring the speed of our hearts, our movements slowed down. This time our kiss was soft and gentle. It was strange going at such a slow pace when both thumping hearts were obviously demanding more. The satisfaction the each stroke of his tongue brought to my center was incredible. I unbuttoned his shirt at the same time he unzipped my dress.

If we had been on a race, his heart would've won, the moment my dress hit the floor. His face could only be described as of pure bliss when he saw what I was wearing.

"Kim" I thought the spell would break with his voice, but it didn't. And instead of shying away from his prying eyes, I felt myself glowing red not of shame or embarrasment but of want.

"I love you" I said as if that explained the oufit. And with no more exchanging of words, he gently pushed me to bed. He took a moment standing at the feet gazing at me, as if he had never seen me before. He took my right leg lifting it up breathing into my skin, which instantly reacted to his touch. He caressed it, going from my thigh down, being careful enough to only graze my thigh. He repeated the motion with both of my legs, making me only drip more into the lace I was covered with.

I gasped, but I was too proud to beg for him to touch me. I was still new to this, but I could sense the difference with each time. This was more intimate, and certainly he was finding new places to trigger sensations I had never experienced before. The torture was more than I could bear, so as he took his time with my legs. I found my hand touching the red material that was gating my opening. On the tip of my finger I could feel the wetness that was already slipping through the fabric. And just putting pressure on it, brought my hips up, my own body demanding the release.

Jared took notice of my wandering fingers and immediately took hold of both of my hands pushing the m away and up my head. One arm on each side, completely straight, his hands entwined with my own. He claimed my mouth once again and I opened my legs as far as they would go. I tried to bend my knees placing the heels on the bed to push myself to the hardness that was being strained by his black briefs demanding to come out. I tried to free one of my hands in hope of releasing the wild beast but his grip was too tight. Still I didn't surrender, I kept pushing in different angles trying to find the alleviation I craved.

When my core finally made contact with his pulsating manhood. He groaned into my mouth. I didn't need to ask. He adjusted his body, so everytime I pushed forward I was meeting him. Suddenly we were not kissing anymore. We were breathing through each other, mouths opened, letting our moans and his grunts drown into the other's crevice. I had never experienced such thing with anyone else. I bucked against him faster and harder each time, trying to match his own accelerated pace. The rocking became faster and the force of his thrusting increased, until the boxer couldn't restrain the erect member anymore. And the blood filled flesh was twitching and throbbing directly against my core.

I was coming closer to the edge, to losing it completely, he was already inside me, the small underwear pushed aside by the own force of his ears were vibrating with the mix of our sounds passing from each other with every labored breath. Until literally saw stars or something like that. My eyelids were closed but suddenly there was white all around me. As each muscle tightened and clenched around him. I kept my hips elevated giving him time to one final thrus, before he let out a guttural growl, pouring his life into me, shaking and convulsing slightly. With the last shock I collapsed, my hips and my legs hitting the bed in the instant with Jared, coming down turning us over so his weight was on the bed and we were facing each other still connected.

"I love you" He said, sweat covering his face, an unexplainable smile on his swollen lips. I had to take a few breaths to recover myself. I didn't had the stamina the wolf boy had.

"I know" I said basking in my moment. He pulled away a little bit, until he was out, before pressing his body close to mine once again. "That was..."

"Amazing?" I said unable to hide a whole teeth grin.

"Mind blowing" Jared said.

"So you didn't tell me, this was your room now. I like it. This certainly make things even better"

"Pervert" I laughed "But yeah I guess it does. I don't want to ruin this, but I need to go to the bathroom" I said feeling a little embarrased disentangling myself from him. The urge I had of peeing was annoying, but I needed to take care of it. It was the only disadvantage this so called bedroom had, no bathroom. I removed the heels and ran upstairs.

"You know we should have a date" Jared said when I came back. He was looking through the pages of a notebook. He was probably seeing my calculus notes"I mean like a normal date"

"One without jumping into each other's bones" I said laughing "Or Sam, or my friends or your Mom"

"Yes just the two of us" Jared agreed "Like going to the movies or something lame like that"

"Well we could have the date you had planned." I suggested. Right after I admitted to my friend Jared and I were together again, I had tried to coherce Maddie into telling me what Jared had planned for our supposed date. She didn't crack.

"Maybe" He said smiling more widely as his eyes scanned the page. Suddenly I wasn't sure calculus excercises or notes could be amusing. Unless he wasn't holding that notebook....

"What are you reading?" I asked fearfully. Dreading already his answer.

"I think it's your journal" He said sheepishly. Oh no.

"Jaaareeed" I said running to get the notebook out of his grasp, literally climbing into his lap to take it away from his stupid nosy eyes. "It's private." I said hitting his chest and being caught under his grip unable to take it from him.

"You're so stupid" I said grinning "You should'nt have read it"

"I agree it's personal" Jared said with a serious face "However I feel completely entitled to read it"

"Really?" I said mocking him "Enlighten me please oh wise one"

"Well it concerns you and it concerns me. I can confidently say I saw my name several times on it. So that makes it alright for me to read it."

"I was young and stupid"I said laughing. "God knows I wasn't in my right state of mind when I wrote that"

"Liar" He said smiling.

"Busted" I said kissing him. He dropped the journal. And we were back to what had just started, after all we were both still dressed.

Well sort of.

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**a/n: i hope it doesn't feel like a filler chap. it's not a filler chap. im closing the poll before updating next chapter, so vote on peah(paul leah) if you havent.**


	18. Bad ideas

**a/N: another chapter, apparently school makes my writting flow. **

**writting fanfics seems more appealing when i have a bunch of homework piling up and tons of reading left for class. ...hahahaha**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**18. Bad ideas**

This was a bad idea.

"You owe me. Don't forget that" Jared said as I kept making faces all the way to the door. We definitely had to stop playing this holding things over each other's head. I swear it was like coming out to the whole town, next thing you know and we're having dinner with the council. If we left it up to Jared's mother she would surely parade me through the whole town with a big sign on my forehead that said Jared's future wife.

"I don't think so.I'm here" I said "In fact you might just owe me after this, because Paul-"

"He can hear you"Jared snickered. We were on the doorstep, and then I paled. the werewolf senses. Right. Damn!. Well this was set to be a disaster, it probably made no diference if I started screwing up before we even got into the house. If his parent's dinner had been hell. I was not not sure into which category dinner with his friends would fall in. What could possibly be worse than hell?. It became obvious he had heard me because the door opened before Jared could knock or ring the door bell. It swinged revealing a very amused Paul chewing on a bun, looking very satisfied with himself.

"Welcome to the wolf's den" He said sarcasticall. I hadn't heard him talk much during the last weeks. He resorted to growling and grunting most of the times now, so this was the first time I noticed his tone of voice had definitely gone an octave lower. Jared did the man hug with Paul as I waited by his side nervous of approaching the boy who had pretty much touched me everywhere.

"Kim" He was smirking, but there was no trace of sex innuendo left on his voice. In fact the way he said my name was almost mocking. I glared at him but kissed his cheek anyways.

"You're such an ass" I said walking into the living room. Both boys laughed "Where's Emily?" I asked trying to shy away from the pair of stupid werewolves laughing at my expense.

"Kitchen" Paul replied. I walked grabbing maybe too tightly the cheesecake I had brought for dessert. Before I could swing the door open, I heard harsh whispers. It looked like Emily and Sam were kind of arguing. Or I supposed since Emily's voice revealed she was upset, but Sam was talking too low for me to hear what he was saying. Not wanting to walk into their fight or look stupid going back to the living room, I remained on the hallway thinking if I should knock the door or not. Too bad I couldn't decide fast enough, so I ended up being a snoop. Eavesdropping on their fight.

"...she's coming. And that's that" Emily punctuated. "I'm not stupid Sam, I know you care about her." But it wasn't an accusation, her tone had softened up. Obviously Sam said something and then Emily's tone was stern again.

"I don't. I know how it works" She was getting exasperated "And she knows what's best for her. So just go along with it" And the conversation ended, as I heard Sam's footsteps coming closer. I was too stunned to move. So I tried to rearrange my face into the most non guilty expression I could. Sam was upset as well, his lips in the classic thin line, the jaw bone becoming more prominent. Sign that he was tensing his whole face.

"Hi Sam" I said.

"Oh hey Kim. I was just bringing out something to drink" He said a bit more brightly pointing to the tray he was holding.

"Oh I'll be back, I'm just going to put this" I raised the cheesecake "On the fridge" Sam held the tray with one hand and held the kitchen door open for me.

"Thanks" I said

"No problem" And the door swinged a couple of times before it stopped moving and closed." Emily was busy buttering several steaming yellow corn.

"I'm almost done" Emily said. As soon as the corn was done. She was on the stove stirring some kind of gravy. There were some roasted vegetables, a salad of many colors, mashed potatoes, a whole basket of buns and steaks to feed like ten people.

"Can I-" but she cut me off.

"Yes the fridge's there. Make yourself at home." Emily said nodding switching from the stove to cut some vegetables

"Do you want some help?" I said looking around the kitchen.

"You're my guest Kim. No."

"I'm glad to help" I said leaning on the counter "It smells delicious, I don't know how you do it. Cooking so much food all the time"

"You'll get used to" Emily like Kara liked to assume I was going to jump into the role of homemaker instantly. What if I wasn't any good at it. I could cook, but I wanted to go to college. I let it slide tyring not to think about it much.

"I guess" I said a non commitive shrug. "Are you sure there's nothing you want me to do?

"Mmmm" She hummed as she scanned the kitchen. "Could you take these dressings and take them to the table, along with the basket of buns and rolls. Paul and Sam were supposed to set the table but they can't be trusted with food. Don't let them eat those" She said handing me the two bottles and looking over at the freshly baked goods.

"Sure" I said lifting the basket up.

I placed it on the middle of the large table, Sam had set on the backyard. A couple of moments after, Jared was coming out followed by Paul close behind, both of them laughing at some joke I presumed.

"Here" He said handing me one of the two beers he was holding. "Thanks" Once his hand was free he tried to reach for a roll, but I slapped his hand hardly.

"Hey" Jared protested. I knew he wasn't hurt but that didn't stop him from wincing, and pouting like a child.

"Emily said no"I scolded "Behave" Paul snickered and laughed. "You're so whipped" Jared was in the middle of snapping or insulting Paul when his lips turned up into a winning smile.

"I would erase that smile off my face"Jare sing sang. "Leah just parked"

"Leah?" Both Paul and I exclaimed. Jared turned to me looking sheepishly and side glanced at Paul who was turning a very worrying shade of red, fear creeping up on his features. He feared her?? If he was fucking her and he feared her? What chance did I stand with Leah, when she didn't even like me in the first place.

"Emily invited her to come over" Jared explained "She thinks she's playing matchmaker." So this was what Sam and Emily were arguing about. For such a sensible and kind girl, Emily could be really stupid. Who in their right mind would set up her boyfriend's ex girlfriend with her boyfriend's _employee_. Not to mention, Leah and Paul were already fucking themselves into oblivion.

"Doesn't she know-"

"I'm guessing Sam hasn't told her" Jared said reading my mind. This was definitely taking a turn for worse. And it was only starting. Nothing good would come out of forcing all these people, myself included to eat together. Leah had been with all three. Jared had confirmed it. Sam with Emily and Leah. And me with Jared and Paul. I guess the only one pure or clean was Emily. No wonder she was the not so mastermind behind this fucked up dinner.

"Jared this is going to cost you A LOT" I said through gritted teeth. I settled into one of the chairs, chugging a large gulp of beer. Resisting the urge to bend and hide under the table.

* * *

I was too afraid to come out of the bathroom. I washed my hands again for the fifth time. I took my time drying each finger carefully until there was not a millimeter of wet skin left. Taking out my mobile and trying to focus my eyes on the screen I read the time. It was eleven thirty. I had still two more hours before my curfew.I should've gone to the party with my friends, that's what my parents had gave me permission for.

Not to drink myself away at Sam and Emily's house and watch my boyfriend and his friends fursplode on the backyard

I sighed. Judging by Sam's look and if what he had said was true, none of them were coming back any time soon. I might as well wash my hands again.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked knocking on the door.

"Just washing my hands"I replied. I walked back into the living room, where Emily was cutting a piece of cheesecake and setting it on a plate

"It might help to absorb the alcohol" She said kindly shoving the plate into my hands. I murmured thanks and I sat in the single couch, across from the large one Leah and Emily were sharing.

"Leah?"Emily said putting the place in front of her.

"No thanks" She said shortly not lifting her face up.

"Is she okay?" I quietly asked. Grateful she was immersed in god knows what to snap or tell me to shut up.

"She's fine" Emily assured me. "She's just tired. I'm more worried about the boys. Paul's temper is awful"She said glancing to her backyard.

"I hope Paul gets a chunk of that asshole" Leah said quickly recovering, as she grabbed the bottle of beer, drinking it's fll content. The bitch was back on. Just to sum things up, Paul, Leah, Jared and myself had drank a little too many beers. Rendering Leah me tipsy. Under the effects of alcohol consumption, Leah had slipped something about her escapades with Paul, which had angered Sam enough to threaten with more patrol time and a permanent alpha prohibition. That had made Leah snap, accusing Sam of using his position to prevent her escapades. Paul realizing she was right had snapped as well. Phasing in less than thirty seconds, but before he landed on four legs, he had delivered a set of profanities along with sentences to get a rise of Sam. Who quickly followed leaving my poor boyfriend to sprint after them and referee their fight.

"Leah" Emily admonished taking the bottle from her cousin"You shouldn't drink".

"For fuck's sake Emily" Leah said standing up and yelling at her cousin. "Stop acting like you care!" She ranted. "You just keep making it worse"

"Leah I only wanted-" Emily said downcasting her eyes.

"It was a very bad idea to-" I stopped at the middle of the sentence when both girls turned to me. One with a reproachful face and the other with a satisfied smirk. Great Kim- Nobody was talking to you, but you had to go and open that big mouth of yours.I blame it on the beer it loosens up the tongue. I sank into the counch hoping I could make myself invisible. Their eyes lingered on my form for a couple of seconds, until they were back to fighting with each other, as if I hadn't talked at all.

I tried to tune their words out. Until there was a loud bang, and I heard Emily stiffle a cry. I realized Leah had left. Emily was trying to clean the table up, raising her hand to clean the streaming tears every now and then.

Another bang and Leah yelling "My keys. Damn it!" She was kicking the door Emily searched in her pocket, walking towards me and handing me the keys "I took them when she started to drink, she shouldn't drive like this, but I can't make her stay" She dissappeared into the kitchen and I stood like a moron with the keys on my hand, too afraid to open the door and be faced with the wrath of Leah Clearwater. She kept cussing at Emily's door, I guess too drunk to realize she could just turn the knob.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Your keys" Apparently she thought I was Emily because when she heard me, her face relaxed into a non too agressive scowl.

"Thanks princess" She mumbled, taking the keys and turning her back.

"You could wait for Paul or Jared, so they can drive you home" I yelled again unable to stop myself from caring.

"Waiting isn't in my job's description" She chuckled. "That's my cousin's job. And now, apparently yours too" This comment that semmed non offensive , stung me. What was she talking about. Why was it my job or Emily's. Imprinting wasn't a job.

"You'd better watch yourself princess" Leah taunted "Because soon it'll be you playing house..."

No!

She was drunk, she was wrong. We were different. I was sure of it.

"I'm going to college" I whispered not sure why. I hadn't thougt about the future much since the parent's dinner.

"You should" She said more softly "Too bad they won't let you"

"Who? Jared?" I asked puzzled. Leah only shook her head and smiled sadly.

"See you around" She said inoring my question.

"Who won't let me?" I asked again. "Leah!!" But it was useless she kept walking,until she was on the sidewalk probably walking home.

Who were _they_?

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Between the newly formed dictatorship in the pack, roaming vampires, the paper, debate club and final exams. Our time together was very very reduced. We could see each other at school during history or at the paper, (Jared had definitely quit debate club). On the bright side with less time together, I forgot all about my worries, since there was no hiding to my parents or crazy dinners. The time we spent together outside school was usually on my bedroom. We hadn't christened the bed again. We would have to wait until summer, then we would have plenty of time.

For now I was focused on doing some damage control with Lexie. With each passing day she turned more and more bitter towards Jared. She barely tolerated his presence, and kept nagging and trying to get me to flirt with other guys. It was starting to get tiresome for me, and Jared was almost on the verge of slapping her. Or so it seemed. Their disgust for each other was evident. And to top things off the fact that Leah and I were cordial to each other was just icing on the cake. Since the incident I refused to bad mouth her or talk behind her back and that pissed off Lexie to no end. So here I was at her house enjoying a burger and eating fries.

I had agreed to come without Jared to the BBQ to please her. Which turns out was a very bad idea, because Lexie had taken this as an opportunity to be force me to sit with Kyle.

"Are you an orphan?" I scowled "Or do your parents hate you so much, they can't even take you for the summer"

"Hahaha very funny Kimberly" Kyle said plopping down on the chair next to mine "My parents are taking a cruise.I'll go back when they come back. I'll spend one month here, and another one there"

"There are 48 other states you could visit besides Texas and Washington you know" I said taking a frie from his plate

"None that includes your lovely company of course" He said patting my cheek.

"Don't touch me" I snapped.

"Oh right. She's got a boyfriend now" He said laughing backing up in the chair and glancing at my body in a very suggestive manner. It made me completely uncomfortable.

"Stop it pervert"I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"Right." He said covering his dramatically "Can't even look at you since you're spoken for . How'd they said..." He looked up as if he was concetranting very hard" Oh yes. Completely off limits. Practically engaged"

"You fucking liar" I said laughing "Were do you come up with all this shit?"

"So you're not dating..what's his name James"

"Jared"I said rolling my eyes, "He's my boyfriend but we're not engaged"

"Well Ade's friend made it sound like that" Kyle said laughing "Rod thought he was almost threatening me. But you know me. I don't get scared easily" And he moved his chair closer until he was wrapping his arm around me.

"Sam?" I asked oblivious to his touch.

"Yeah Sam" He said "He seems cool a bit arrogant, but anyways let's forget about this boyfriend non sense. Lexie said we're going clubbing tonight"

"Clubbing?" I asked, Distracted trying to process the bit of information about Sam threatening Kyle. I didn't need to speculate, it was a threat. But clubbing really? Tonight was the dance, there was no way I was cancelling on Jared to go clubbing. And Lexie was going to throw a fit...

"Yeah. I'm really looking forward to see you in one of those skimpy dresses you like to wear"He said lowering my voice. And my stomach flipped in a very unpleasant manner

"Urgh you're such a pig" I said finally snapping and throwing a couple of fries on his face. I had to go and find Lexie, and call Jared, and probably talk to Emily. But most of all I had to get away from Kyle. He was just a problem waiting to happen.

And honestly I didn't need anymore of those for now.

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**a/n: so next chapter im doing a jared pov.**


	19. Fuck Sam

**a/N: update yey!! for me and for you lovely readers. i want to apologize once more for my grammar and spelling hahaha. english is my second language, and it's obviously far from perfect. anyone who'd like to beta my chapter let me know....**

**disclaimer: the lyrics of the song i used this chapter are courtesy of my secret boyfriend mr brandon flowers....hahahaha**

**warning : a bit of sex and drugs and alcohol.**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**19. Fuck Sam.**

"You look beautiful" I said chuckling as Kim kept stealing glances at the side mirror of the car. She kept biting her lips moving around her hair.

"Just because you say so, won't mean its true"Leah said glaring at me. I saw how Kim's face fell with her comment. And I felt myself starting to shake almost at the same time. Leah had some nerve. In what kind of psycho bitch had she turned, that she dared insult my imprint on my car.

"I swear I will throw you out of the car"I grunted. And I meant it. I would push her off myself. I felt Kim tense and place her hand on my knee trying to get me to calm down. We had discovered, well more like Kim had discovered that whenever I got mad and she touched me, my body would instantly relax. I think it was beacause of the imprint, the wolf in me would recognize her, and settle down to prevent hurtying the ultimate object of my affections.

"Come on man" Paul laughed at my threat, trying to keep things friendly between his date and myself.

"I didn't mean it like that Kim" she replied in a more friendly voice "What I _meant _" She said glaring back at me, before turning her face to Kim's seat "It's that it doesn't matter how much he says you're beautiful, it won't make a difference if you don't feel beautiful." Kim Ilaughed and nodded feeling instantly at ease. "But you do look pretty" Kim blushed slightly but relaxed back into the car seat. I gave a small nodd in Leah's direction silently thanking her for not being a complete bitch.

"Thanks" Kim said smiling back, patting my knee. I released my strong hold on the steering wheel and slowed down the car.

"I don't know what the big deal with you girls is" Paul said breaking the silence "As long as you have a decent body and a pretty face, you'll look hot no matter what. Hotter sometimes but hot always"He blabbed.

"That's so eloquent of you Paul" Kim huffed rolling her eyes at Paul's revelation. I only shook my head. Paul was such a meat head. A funny guy and a sort of good friend but he could be so dense.

"Paul you think everyone's hot" Leah backed Kim up "I bet that if Jared had developed more man boobs, you would think he's hot"

"That explains the staring" I said playing along trying to keep the smile at bay as I talked and looked into the rearview mirror "I caught him yesterday peeking at my butt when we phased back."

"Can you blame him?"Kim added "It's just irresistible"

"You would know" Leah taunted waggling her eyebrows in a suggestive way towards Kim.

"So would you" Kim countered sticking her tongue out. I almost choked right there Had it not been for Kim's teasing tone, I would've thought it was an accusation. Kim knew about the one night stand Leah and I had long ago. I thought it was better to come up clean than having the truth come out later, at the risk of it,sounding worse than it really was. We had done the deed, but it was a one time thing. And completely physical, no feelings involved. She was messed up after the break up with Sam and I was just there drunk and horny. I had been scared of Kim's reaction to this little piece of news, but she had taken it pretty well. She hadn't said much, but her attitude towards Leah hadn't changed for worse, on the contrary it had improved, they were almost friendlish. If that word even existed.

"True"Leah said smiling "I guess we have to compare notes with Paul"

"Knock it off" Paul said annoyed, shrugging off Leah's attempt to come close to him.

"Someone wants some Jared loving" I sang, stirring the conversation back to Paul's alleged bisexuality. Leah and Kim broke into fits of laughter.

"You bastard, you wish. I'm the one subjected to your drooling when you see my naked glorified body" Paul stated. Leah and Kim only laughed harder.

"A lover's quarrel" I heard Kim whisper to Leah.

"I don't think so man. I believe it was _you_ who came up behind me to feel me up"I added and smirked "I felt used and violated."

"It was you pushing you rear against Winnie the Cock" Paul said now grinning along with us.

"Win-..." Kim couldn't breath "Winnie the-"

"Winnie the cock" Leah supplied "Yes. Paul's penis is named Winnie the cock"

"That's just so-" Kim gasped for air trying to wipe the tears of her face "Wrong." I finished "That's a children's cartoon character. For the love of all that's holy Paul! Couldn't you use something not disney related?."

"Well I bet you like Jared's little pet name better then" Paul smirked. And Leah giggled. I wasn't laughing anymore. Kim was going to think I was a total loser.

"Don't"I warned Paul. We were already on the highschool parking lot.

"The big bad wolf" Paul said dramartically as I groaned. Kim joined Leah and Paul and broke into a fit of giggles again. To say my ego was slightly bruised, was putting it midly.

"That's so unoriginal" Kim protested.

"Lame" Leah agreed

"We have to come up with a btter nickname" Kim said.

"I didn't name it" I said sternly feeling completely embarrassed, because it was true. I hadn't exactly named it. I had been patrolling and my thoughts had drited off to Kim, and her basement slash bedroom, and before knew it Paul was snickering having noticed how I thought of my manhood.

"Yes you did." Paul kept going. I tried t ignore him, mentally I made a note to make him pay later. After doing a couple of laps on the parking lot, I found an empty spot, and parked the car.. I unbuckled my seatbet, and almost ran out of the car to get Kim's door. I had to try really hard to be a gentleman with Kim. She wouldn't wait for me to open her door mos of the times, and she would insist on paying for her things. I had to steal her books to carry them for her. And constantly change places when walking on the sidewalk.

I wouldn't lie. It was very endearing for her to be so independent, however that didn't stop me from trying to be the knight in shining armor kind of boyfriend.

It was endearing that she was so independent, however that didn't stop me from trying to be the knight in shing armor kind of boyfriend. Okay not exactly a knight in shining armor, but the possesive wolf in me wanted the world to see she was mine. Leaving no room to confusions or misunderstandings.

* * *

"It started all with a kiss how did it end up like this" Kim was singing or more like screaming as she jumped and twirled around. Her skin was completely flushed, she had gathered her ironed hair into a messing bun, and she was sweating. How did she manage to jump around in heels was beyond my knowledge, but she looked positively radiant. Apparently all problems about her appearance and Lexie completely forgotten.

"It was only a kiss" I sang back laughing with her, and moving around "It was only a kiss" I said bending my head to peck her lips. Kim started mimicking the song pretending to fall asleep, and taking a drag.

"Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick" She said provocatively coming up close. I secured her hips against mine, slightly grinding against her. She threw her head back and laughed more.

"But she's touching his chest now"She said placing both of her hands on my chest sliding them slowly down my shirt.

"He takes off her dress now" And she had no idea how badly I wanted to follow the lyrics of the song. My hands settled for sliding down to her thighs pushing the fabric slightly up. We pretty much forgot the singing and decided to focus on each other's movement, turning the song into a sort of mating dance. Until we were rudely interrupted by a lough cough.

"Señorita Connweller, Señor Middleton" Mrs Cesaretti our Spanish teacher with an italian last name was smirking at us "Try to keep this _baile (dance)_ pg rated." Kim turned to look away and buried her face on my chest. The soft laugh tinkling my chest. I pulled her away from the dance floor to the punch table to take a break.

I took two cups of punch, handing her one. And watching mesmerized as she took the whole content in one sip. "Thanks I think I'm getting dehidrated"

"Sorry about that I got a bit carried away" I said when we finally sat down.

"Me too" She exhaled as we sat down at our table. I scanned the dance floor just to find pretty much every couple having clothed sex. And the teachers scolding them and trying to break them apart. I laughed when I noticed Leah and Paul. That had to be the most pornographic dance I had ever seen. Dirty dancing alright. Leah feet were up in the air, legs wrapped around his waist, her head completely tilted back, her mouth open and her eyes closed. Paul literally thrusting into her, his hands on her butt keeping her steady and moving.

"Oh my god"Kim gasped "Those two have no shame" Apparently she had noticed them too. Soon everyone else had their heads turned at them. Watching some in disgust, other in amusement, other just plain jealous of the little show. However it didn't last much, when the principal personally scorted them outside the gym. They were busted. Sam was going to have a fit when he found out.

"I'm sure they will only get detention" Kim said as we waited outside the principal's office.

"You think?" I laughed "I bet they're calling Mara and Sue right now"

"Jared" Kim scolded me. I only half smiled. To think that Kim was worried about Leah and Paul getting in trouble made me happy.

"What??" She snapped brekaing me out of my Kim induced high.

"You're great you know that" I said kissing her forehead.

"I do" She said in an arrogant voice. Before I could tease her, the principal door opened and Paul and Leah came out grinning.

"So?"Kim inquired.

"We'll tell you in the car" Leah said. Kim fell back into step to walk with Leah. As they both discussed what other girls were wearing, the music and so. They were really bonding, I could only hope she would stop hanging with Lexie once and for all. And well Leah was in much need of a female friend to who she could talk about everything that was not Emily.

"There's an after party at Zack's house" Paul said "We could pick up some booze on the way there."

"Sam" I said reminding him of the warning he had given us. As protectors we were supposed to be role models according to Sam. Drinking, getting high and partying didn't help the rumours about us that were circulating the reservation.

"Fuck Sam" Paul said annoyed "It's prom"

"Here here. Fuck Sam" Leah said laughing " Come on Kim ?"

"Fuck Sam?" She said in a question.

"Hell, fuck Sam" I gave in.

"In how much shit are you?" I asked as I turned the engine.

"Detention until school's over"Leah replied nonchalantly. "Which actually works for me"

"How come?"Kim turned to the backseat of the car.

"Well Im sure Paul and I will entertain ourselves"

"You bet"Paul said squeezing one of Leah's boob. I laughed and Kim only shook her head. They were certainly open about their sexuality. My thought's drifted off to Kim's cleavage, and suddenly the idea of getting hammered sounded even more appealing. After all it was prom, how much trouble could we get in.

* * *

"Damn it Jared faster" Leah yelled. I let out a gutural moan as my big bad wolf found the warmth and wetness wrapped around me.

"Come on" Leah urged. I tried to push faster, but I almost lost control of the car as Kim sucked in deeper letting one of her hands wander to squeeze my balls.

"Kim let the man drive" Paul said. But Kim completely ignored them. I ignored Leah's demands and decided to keep my feet steady on the accelerator.

Many things I had discovered tonight. Werewolves could get drunk. Paul and I were the living proof of that. In order for werewolves to get drunk you needed alchol, tons of it, and weed. My girlfriend turned into a little minx when she was drunk, and I turned into a sexy horny beast. It was safe to assume it was even worse for Paul and Leah who had already discarded several items of clothing. Intoxicated and inhibitions long forgotten we had decided to go to first beach to have our own personal party of four. However the promise of the party was not enough to stop Paul from fingering Leah in the backseat of my car, as I drove to first beach or Kim from giving me head while we got there.

"Damn it Paul!"Leah yelled "Moree" I was no pervert but it was hot. My car was going to combust anytime soon.

When we finally pulled up to the beach. The windows of the car were completely fogged. I had just turned the engine off, when Kim raised her head, licking her lips, and jumping into my lap to straddle me. I followed Kim's gaze to find her looking at Leah and Paul, they had already changed position. She was completely laid back her panties completely discarded as she fumbled with Paul's belt.

Kim was enjoying watching them, and that only fueled me up. In one moment she was pushing her dress down revealing her chest. And I was too worked up to bother with unclasping the damn bra, so I literally ripped it apart with my mouth, taking one of her rounded mounts tasting the delicious flesh, eager to suck the life out of her.

The car literally started to shake. As Paul roamed into Leah repeatedly. I was too lost devouring Kim to notice, the lights of anothe car ahead of us. It was until Kim buried her head in my neck biting and sucking the skin like a temptress. That I was startled as the lights were directly set against our car with a man standing right in front of it.

"Fuck Sam!"

"Sam?" Kim murmured confused without stopping.

"Yes fuck Sam" I repeated slowly "As in he's standing right there" I said pointing in his direction. Problem was neither Kim, or Leah or Paul seemed to grasp the concept.

We were so screwed.

* * *

**a/n: i had a lot of fun writting this chapter. i hope you liked it. im posting a second part of jared's pov tonight**


	20. How far would she go

**a/N: part 2**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**20. How far would she go?**

My parents always taught me that actions had consequences. And as a man I was expected to face them. Own up to my mistakes, learn from them, in order to fix my problems. It was something that both, my father and my mother taught me at a very young age. Sam had obviously tried to reinforce that belief when I became a werewolf, he pointed out my responsability became bigger. And I understood what he said. I just didn't actually grasp the concept. Because if I had, I wouldn't have succumbed to such reckless behavior in the first place. Or at the very least I would've tried to mend things instead of making it worse.

Mending things would've meant getting Kim covered and off my lap. Stopping Leah and Paul's animalistic sex. And finally stepping out of the car with Paul to face the wrath of our Alpha.

Instead I didn't exactly cover Kim up, but I did place her on the car seat. Once I could move freely I tried to tuck back in, my not so little guy, into my briefs.

"Is that Sam?·"Kim asked panicking, just like I had moments ago. She slid down the seat,trying to pull up her dress.

"He is going to kill us"I muttered to myself as I zipped up my jeans "Break it up!"I yelled and punched Paul on the side. Either the yell or Paul's yelping of pain, was enough to snap them out from their crazy porn fucking. It took two seconds for Leah to realize what was happening, and _who_ was watching.

When I dared to look again at Sam, the fury and wrath in his eyes had multiplicated. He was shaking, convulsing.I did a double take trying to make sure I was seeing right. Unfortunately I was and he was going to phase and rip us to shreds.

I pondered for a moment if I should step out of the car and welcome my death with open arms. But the moment was gone and on second thought I secured the doors, and fastened my seatbelt.

"What are you doing?"Kim asked following my lead, securing her own seatbelt.

"I don't know"I murmured back and reached out to squeeze her hand."I think he's going to kill us" I said seriously. It was probably the high amount of alcohol and weed on our systems that didn't let me or Kim acknowledge how ridiculous I sounded, and how unlikely that statement was.

"Drive!!"Leah screamed. I couldn't tell if she was angry or just plain pissed her fun time had beeen interrupted.

"Holy shit" Paul yelled. "Jared what the fuck are you waiting for?!" Paul screeched looking terrified as he locked his gaze with the wolf man. I had to resist the urge of cowering under his menacing stare. Forgetting we could phase too, and letting panic take over our already fucked up brain, driving away high and inebriated sounded like the best plan of action when you think your boss is trying to murder you.

"Let's go, let's go, let's goooo!" Leah yelled her head on the floor, looking for her bra probably. But I obeyed. I didn't need to be told twice.

I turned the ignition on, pushed the accelerator twice before letting the brake go and turning backwards to avoid roaming Sam. The last glimpse of his face was beyond furious, a devil's true horrifying look. I pushed the accelarator all the way down. Not caring about silly lights or small reservation streets. Leah kept glancing back looking for any sign of Sam's truck following us.

"I don't think he can drive" I said.

"Then.."Leah got cut off" Oh, he was going to phase"

"Exactly" I nodded in agreement.

"Well that just makes your task totally pointless. Since Sam is black, and it's dark, so you wouldn't spot him, if he was following us. Which means we're screwed and Jared won't be able to stop driving"

"What do you suggest then?"Leah retorted

"Keep driving, it's the safest bet" Paul pretended to reason or did, I was not sure "I think that when we pass the border, he'll get can't abandon Emily to chase after us in Canada"

"The border?!!!"Kim screeched "Are you crazy? We have to go back."

"Canada is not so bad" Paul chuckled.

"This is not the time for your stupid jokes"I said.

"We're going back eventually but for now just keep driving Jared." Leah instructed. And I did.I drove until I was out of La Push. I missed the exit to Forks and kept driving. I tried to focus, but it was useless. I was too hammered still to drive carefully, so instead I was speeding like the poster picture of a drink and driving add. A sirene went off, and almost immediately I saw the color lights making their way just behind the car.

"Crap, we're busted" Paul said.

"Thank for pointing the obvious" Leah said smacking him on the head.

"My parents are going to kill me Jared" Kim said close to the verge of tears. And for a moment I forgot about Sam and my own parents, and all my focus was on making Kim feel better. Problem: imprint or not, there was no way out of this. I pulled over, praying to our ancestors the werewolf metabolism had already burnt the alcohol on my blood, and my breath. I wasn't very hopeful because I knew that if that were the case, I would have sobered up by now.

"License and registration please" I pulled both out, trying not to make much eye contact with the officer. My pupils were surely the size of plates. We almost made it. Almost. If Leah and Paul had bothered with getting dressed, he would've let us go.

Too bad that was not the case, and Leah was only wearing Paul's shirt,panties and bra completely visible, and winnie the cock was just clad in black boxers.

I couldn't help laughing as we were pushed into the police car.

It was going to be practically impossible to top this night, when our real prom came.

* * *

"Thank you Mr. Middleton" Kim said as she gladly took up on the offer of wearing my father's coat. My Dad smiled at her and walked up to the front desk to finish the paperwork with Sam and Harry Clearwater.

"Here dear" My mom said reaching out to wrap her arms around Kim shoving a cup of black cofee into Kim's trembling hands. Kim who was feeling very grateful and relieved about the fact that they hadn't called her parents, coped up with my mother and quietly thanked her, even though she didn't like black coffee. Actually if I recalled it made her sick..

"Mom-" I was completely cut off.

"Not now Jared" she said sternly. "Kim come on let's have a seat" Kim followed mom who took a seat next to Leah. Leah didn't take notice or if she did she didn't bother showing it. She was too busy shooting daggers at Sam. Sam was talking to her father in hushed tones. So that only left Paul. Who was outside the station probably smoking.

"Hey lovely" Paul chuckled as he took a drag of the cigarrette he was holding.

"Dont be an ass"I said taking the box from him and lightening one for myself.

"Cant really help it" He said dismissing my commentary. We smoke in a comfortable silence, the alcohol long gone from our system. Other than a slight tingling on my tongue I was almost back to normal.

"You think she still loves him?"Paul whispered as he stole a quick glance at Leah. I was a little surprised with his question. From what I had seen on his mind and literally seen on live, I had sensed whatever Leah and Paul shared, was a no feelings involved kind of deal. Leah was my friend, but she was damaged goods. I doubted she would risk getting involved with a confirmed unimprinted werewolf.

"Why'd you ask?" I said refraining from answering the question. I was not sure if Sam would be listening or not.

"No reason" Paul said "Just wondering.."

"Right" I said feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. Paul falling for Leah was creepy, and impossible. No way there was any kind of mushy feelings there.

"Are you-"I ventured trying to fish around

"No, not at all" He laughed. I was relieved, there was enough drama already.

"So, what will the leader come up with this time?" Paul asked bored ad he cracked his knuckles

"Slavery" I murmured "For the whole summer. I overheard him just now. But if I were you I would be more concerned with something else. I'm afraid Sam might just turn you into a monk and ban sex completely"

"He wouldn't dare " Paul said confidently.

"I wouldn't be so sure" I piped in "I mean one thing's seeing it in your head. Witnessing might have disappeared any trace of understanding Sam possesed"

"Understanding. Pleaaasee. More like Emily forced his hand" Paul chuckled "I mean Leah's a fine piece of ass" I punched his arm.

"What's that for?"

"Don't talk about her like that" I said annoyed at his crude ways.

"Whatever. It's not like she minds." I shook my head, that was probably true. Sad but true.

"And if Sam's not tapping that. He has no say" Paul finished "She's fair game."

"But well Sam will be Sam."said in sing song voice.

"And he will get pissed" I keot singing.

"But you and Kim won't. I noticed Kim didn't seem to mind watching us, or you..."He said lewdly.

"It was like free porn" I laughed.

"It's not free. You owe me for letting you watch" Paul joked. Then in lower voice added"Leah got off knowing you guys were there watching. It's kind of a turn on to be honest. It 's too bad we never made it to the beach. It would've been one hell of a party. Leah's a sex freak in a good way and Kim is far from prudish."

"Watch it" I warned him, tensing completely.

"You know what I mean, you know you want it too" He laughed. And I tried to fight the smile. I wanted it alright and I wasn't sure if that made me a bad imprinter. I'm positive Sam never fantasized of Emily and Leah kissing. But me, I was a guy full of raging hormones I couldn't control,plus a sex thrive the fucking inner wolf propelled. And Paul was right. Kim was no nun. Maybe the fact that she wanted it too, made it okay for me to want it.

How'd far she go??

I was dying to find out.

* * *

My father woke me up and I was instructed to take a bath, dress in presentable clothes and head downstairs. I groaned, grunted and complained but did it anyways. My body was normal again, no sign of last night left. I had fell into a deep slumber after arguing with Kim about our sleeping arrangements. She had insisted on sleeping alone, and she had practically menaced to scream if I didn't leave the guest room. I wanted to finish what we had started, afterall it was only fair to have my house christened as well. And if we had been truly alone, I would've ignored her threat. I could totally sense she was wanted it too. But waking up my parents a second time wasn't a good idea.

I went to the guest room first wanting to see Kim, but the room was empty. The bed was made, and there was no trace she had been in there other than her lingering scent. I glanced at the clock on the stairs. and realized it was past lunch time, a couple of hours, and I would've joined them for dinner. No wonder Kim was not in the bedroom, she had probably left already,and I had overslept. What a negligent imprinter I was.

"In the living room" My mother said shortly escorting me to the couch to find, my father and Sam Uley waiting for me. I tried to supress a groan. I knew I had it bad. But couldn't this wait until I had some food on my stomach.

Sam was looking very normal. Not the enraged monster I had seen last night. He looked almost compassionate. Maybe my parents were going to do the biting my head off and not Sam.

"Look before you say anything Sam. I know I was completely out of line yesterday and I not only endangered myself and others, but our secret too. I-" Sam nodded in understanding but raised his hand to stop me.

"I know. But we will talk about this tonight. We are meeting with the council. There are a lot of things to sort out" Sam said in an even tone. Then he relaxed and his face took a kinder look, almost apologizing look.

"This is about Kim"He started "Her parents know about your relationship. Apparently one of her friends told them. She got a call this morning, when your mom was driving her to Madison's house. So they don't only know about you and her, but that she didn't spend the night at her friend's house as she had told them."

"How do you know all this?" I inquired as I tried to process all the facts. Trying to come up with a solution instead of panicking and crying like a little baby.

"We tried to talk to them" My mother said is a soft tone reaching for my hand "Sam and I tried to explain, but unfortunately her father wouldn't hear a word about it."

"Why didn't anyone bother to wake me up?" I demanded losing all control and starting to pace around the room like a mad man, pulling my hair out. "She's my imprint. They can't stop me from seeing her. I have to see her" I was not making any sense, but I couldn't just sit down and accept what they were saying.

"Jared calm down" Sam said in a stern voice. Blocking the exit father urged my mother to the other side of the room, probably afraid that I would phase and injure her in the process"This is why we didn't wake you up. There was nothing you could've done to make it better. I think your presence would've made it worse."

"Son. You have to calm down. Sam is right. You need to cool off before to figure this out."

"What's there to figure out!!!!"I yelled "Her parents are probably shipping her off to some boarding school or convent or something stupid like that." That only made my mother snap.

"Don't be ridiculous Jared" My mother said stepping forward placing her hands in her hips. "Stop with the cry baby number and focus"

"Mom I have to see her" I pleaded.

"I said no. Right now you're leaving with Sam. You're going to cool off, go to that meeting. And you'll see her tomorrow at school" She said as if she were talking to a badly behaved four year old boy.

"I can't wait that long" I yelled out in frustration "She's my imrpint." I tried to point out for the second time. It had to count for something.

" The fact that's she's your imprint doesn't justify everything." At this Sam flinched and looked as if he wanted to say it did, but remained quiet."You surely deserve it for lying in the first place. I taught you better than this. So now you're just going to have to deal with the consequences of your irresponsible decisions."

"Her father is mental"

"Respect son" My father said sternly. "Your mother is right. What you've done doesn't look good to the eyes of any father. If she was my daughter I certainly would shoot you. Be thankful he doesn't know about the drugs and the drinking"

"It was just weed" I muttered. My parents were bipolar, one moment they're caring and understanding and the next one they want to bite my head off and order me around. I sulked ignoring my father's speech as I tried to come up with a plan.

I couldn't be away from her. Not when she wanted me as well. Maybe we would have to leave the reservation.

I would do anything to be with her in the blink of an eye. The question was:

_How far would she go to be with me.?_

* * *

**a/N: my laptop got messed up, had to reset the damn thing, and all i had was gone, completely gone, books, movies, music,documents, chapters, etc..... sorry for the delay again. excuses, excuses.....i know.**

**regarding the story, jared's just exaggerating things, like young people do, including myself. i loved last chapter, and im glad you girls liked it too.i think it's my favorite so far. I hope most of you are not bothered by jared and paul's perverted thoughts...**

**i like to think before paul and jared became the law enforcers of la push, they hit a rebellious stage. hahaha besides sam's the only one stuck up.**

**thanks for reading the story, and review it takes less than a minute...hahahahah **

**im not sure if im sticking to canon completely. so i don't know if leah will phase, or if paul will imprint on rachel...etc...let me knowwhat you prefer...**


	21. What else could go wrong?

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**21. What else could go wrong?**

"I already texted Sam" I threatened, even though I hadn't. But the crazyness had to stop. Jared was too busy packing up my clothes again. I sighed and started putting back the clothes he had discarded and thrown on the bed.

"Why can't you take this seriously?" He said as he left the suitcase to scan the vanity table and pack my products. I had to give it to him. He was really good when it came to folding clothes and using space. This would definitely come in handy later on. I used this as an opportunity to unpack as much clothes as I could.

"Why can't you?" I countered "You're acting like a spoiled brat" Tha gained me an indignant huff, but he kept packing.

"Just stop." I said stomping my feet. But apparently that didn't do it either. So I resorted to physical violence, and since I had learned from my previous experience that punching him was a no, no. I threw a portrait at his head. Maybe he was too distracted to sense the flying object or he thought it was harmless, either way he didn't move his head, and the portrait met it's destiny. Shards of glass clinked against the floor, but it was when he brought his hand to the back of his head that I gasped, his fingers were stained in red. A deep red. He was bleeding.

"Fuck"I hissedd grabbing the first clean t shirt I could and pressing it to his head. Jared only smiled fondly at me.

"It's nothing"He assured but it was not enough. I was already running upstairs, gettin a towel and water to make sre the wound was thoroughly cleaned.

"It's going to heal" Jared insisted. And he was right, the blood was already dry, however that didn't stop me from cleaning his head to make sure no trace of the damage was visible. "I'm sorry you just wouldn't stop" I said without being able to hide the teasing tone from my voice. "You are aware that we are not going anywhere. Right?"

"Yes" He said sullen "I know. It's just I can't afford to lose you. This past week has been hell"

"See stop being such a girl" I said trying to shake off his words, and avoiding my own fears.I tried to rub small circles on his back, as if that would ebb all our problems. My parents had gone ballistic, they were overreacting as I had suspected they would. I was to go to school and come home. My mother was droppinng me off, and picking me up. Contact with Sam's crew was out of the question, especially Jared. "We'll see plenty of each other at school, and then you sneak into my room when you're off patrol."

"School is almost over. And you'll leave"He continued to sulk.

"You could come and visit" I said for the first time. I had been lucky enough to gain an internship for the summer. It was a great opportunity, and it was going to help me a lot with my college application next year. But he was right I was going to leave for the whole summer and we would barely get to see each other. Sometimes my decision regarding the internship would waver due to Jared, but I knew I had to keep my eyes on the prize, things were going to get really tough next year when I had to leave for college.

"Yeah I'll try he said finally turning to face me." It made my heart swell when he looked at me like that. Like I was the single most important thing in his world.

"Jared"I said trying to keep my voice light, but it was too much, and seeing him break was breaking me too.

"This feels like Romeo and Juliet. Doesn't it?" He asked joking. I shook my head vehemently.

"Have you even read romeo and Juliet?" I gave a teary laugh "This is nothing like Romeo and Juliet. "

"I always thought girls found that romantic" Jared said confused.

"Well not me pal. I'm not the pining and crying type of girl." I set out straight. Even if I had sort of pined for him when I had my crush, how I felt then to how I felt now made my past feelings silly ones. There was no comparison.

"No you're not" He conceded lowering his face to kiss the corner of my mouth. Little pecks like this and tiny details still made me blush like a little girl.

"You should get going, my mom will be back anytime soon"We needed to be extracareful, I was sure that if mom ever saw him in my room I would fet shipped off to a convent. And then I would be forced to consider Jared's idea. And I wasn't ready for that yet.

We kissed good bye, and despite what I had sad, I pined for him the moment he set foot out the window. Alone I sunk back into my own thoughts. I had kept repeating everything was going to be okay, giving reassuring words to Jared and trying to convince myself in the process. Because the truth of the matter was that I was just as crazy in love as he was, and for the first time forever with Jared seemed more like a fact, an irrefutable truth rather than a crazy teen girl's dream.

* * *

"I sort of owed you"Leah said as I snuck into her car.

"I was a total bitch when we met" Leah admitted quietly as she started the engine. It was the last day of school, and we were skipping class, without the fear of getting detention or a call to my parent's home. Leah had taken care of it. Jared and Paul had not even bothered to come, since they were busy planning a party for the four of us. Sam was feeling pretty guilty about the fiasco with my parents so he was cutting some slack on them until summer was here. Then it was wolf camp all the way and they were supposed to patrol 24/7, in hopes of getting disciplined.

"I can't blame you" I said not being intimidated by her anymore "I mean you got a pretty crappy deal out of imprinting"

"Yes I did" She gave an empty laugh

"Would it have made ay difference if it had been someone else other tha Emily?"I couldn't help but ask

"Imagine if Jared had not imrpinted on you, and you were a couple, and out of the blue he tells you he's fallen madly in love with Madison" I gulped, it hurt to imagine it. Certainly experiencing would probably kill me.

"I forgave Emily after Sam attacked her" Leah said before I asked. "A permanent disfigured face is a pretty high price to pay for the man you love. I loved Sam, but I'm not sure I would trade places with Emily now. "

"Jared said something about you applying to Washington State" I snorted.

"You'd think he's the one going for all the bragging he does" I couldn't ignore the little bubble of pride that surged within me, knowing Jared was screaming to the four winds how much he loved me.

"He was going to"Leah said and I nodded, his father had mentioned it. If Jared was sacrificing his whole future for the good of the tribe, did it seem petty for me to no want to do the same.

"Do you think I should stay?"I asked knowing she was probably the only person that could answer that question as honestly and objectively possible. She deliberated for a moent and after two left turns, and four blocks she shook her head.

"No. You shouldn't. If Jared loves you he can wait" She said a first "What you should be asking yourself if will you want to come back after you leave" I didn't answe right away, eve if my first instinct was to portest, why wouldn't I want to come back.

"The imrprint goes both ways" It came out more like a question rather than a statement. Leah laughed softly.

"It does, but ultimately if what Sam, Jared and Paul say it's true. Imprinting is the wolf's strongest bidding. At the end of the day it will be you deciding your and his fate" The finality and the fact that we had arrived to our destination ended the conversation. I tried to shake off the weight of her words. There was still much time ahead of us, and I had more urgent matters to attend to, regarding our relationship than life changing decisions.

* * *

"What now??"Jared asked as I broke away from our kiss. We were smashed again, well at least I was big surprise there. But both of us were horny as hell, we were in a secluded part of the beach making out, gettin hot and ready to live out the idolized fantasy of making love on the beach.

"I have sand all over my body"I said trying to rub it off "It's itchy" I whined.

"Try not to think about it" He said crushing my lips again. I followed the movements of his tongue eagerly, my hand delving into his swimming trunks to explore. He moaned into my mouth as soon as I had grabbed him. Everything was okay, until he couldn't unclasp my top and ripped it apart.

"Jared!!"I whined, pushing him away angered he had ruined my ensemble. "Bathing suits don't grow in trees, neither do panties or bras. At the rate you're destroying my uderwear, I'm going to have to start going commando pretty soon"

"I wouldn't mind that" He said ignoring me and nibbling on my ear.

"Pevert" I giggled unable to stay mad at him when he was doig marvelous things to my in the bubbling feeling on my body I relented control, letting myself be worshipped by his mouth, his hands and his body. The buzz of the drinking paired with the heat of being pressed againts his muscular framed and the sizzling his touch left made me almost feel light headed.

It wasn't so bad, after all. Listening to the chirping birds, and the waves crashing, the insects on the nearby forest, they all creayed a lovely atmosphere romantic and perfect enough to spend the last day of school, being loved by your soulmate.

Finally resting with my head on his chest, listening to the pounding of hi heart and enjoying the afterglow that hot love making gave you I smiled as I hadn't being able in days.

"That was different"Jared said reading my mind "A good different"

"Again" I agreed "I'm really going to miss you"

"I'll miss you even more"Jared said.

"But we'll have a weekend for ourselves. I'm supposed to go with Maddie and my cousin camping, and they are covering for us"

"Really?"I suspect Jared was surprised Ade was willing to help our blossoming love.

"Maddie convinced him. Besides Kyle will be long gone"

"I was meaning to ask what was he doing last night at your house" Jared dropped casually.

"Mom invited him for dinner. Colin and her get along pretty well with him, which is annoying. Good thing is,Dad doesn't tolerate him either. That kept the visit short."

"At least your Dad and I are on the same page on something" He laughed "We don't like men who like you"

"With the exception that Dad hates you too"

"I hate myself sometimes. So we could bond over our hate for men who are nterested in you"

"Sure that'd be a great conversation opener" I laughed. This was strong, if Leah was right and it was up to me. I was going to do everything in my power to make this work.

* * *

I was almost done packing. I had made a list where I could check out the items I had already packed. Even though I was sad about leaving I was excited and really looking forward to my internship. Maybe things would get better when I returned. I was confident it would get better, I mea they couldn't exactly worsen, could they? I was feuding with one of my best friends ,grounded until next year, and with an impending future looming above me, what else could go wrong.

The answer came in the shape of rectangle my mother dropped in my bed. She delivered a package of feminine pads, lecturing me on how I had to bre prepared for everything. I didn't get to listen much after that because of the stupid understanding creeping its way to the surface. Eight weeks had gone by since the last time I had my period. I was practically two months late. Two fucking months late. I was never late. And in those two fuckig months I had lost my virginity, I had had sex without protection more than once, and the whole point of imprinting was making babies right?? So there was no hopig Jared was sterile or me.,The odds were completely against me.

I didn't need headaches or nausea to suspect pregnancy. It was laughing right in my face. Mockig my irresponsability ad carelessness.I felt faint, a hole in my stomach, and my dinner rising to the tip of my tongue to get thrown out of my system. I was leaving tomorrow, what could I do. I needed a test, a home test would do. But how could I leave home at this hour without raising suspicion. Not to add Jared was spending the night with me. What was I going to tell him.

What if I was pregnant? No that was not even a question. I couldn't have a baby. I was not having a baby at seventeen. Even if I was, I was not having it.

Baby wolves would have to wait. Because no I couldn't. No.

"Kim?" And just in cue Jared had arrived. I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry "What's wrong?"

"What happened?"I couldn't scream or cry without risking my mother or my father bursting into my I opted for neither and just blurted out.

"I might be pregnant Jared" I said, my heart breaking at the same time his expressio changed.

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**a/N:thanks for reviewing.**

**practice safe sex .**

**will try to update soon. **


	22. Feels like a ship

**a/N: So I know my story is usually for a good laugh I hope this doesn't make you guys like it any less or offend someone. Sorry it took so long.**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**22. Feels like a ship, god knows I'm sinking**

Peeing to aim was among the things I had never mastered. The last time I had to do it I was eleven yeards old, and I had to be tested because I had an infection. Now I was trying to aim at the godamn white stick I was holding with my right hand, afraid of getting my hand disgustingly wet like the last time I had tried to achieve this art. I laughed at myself in the bathroom.

"Are you done?"Karen asked from the other side of the door. Karen is my cousin. She's the eldest daughter of one of the two sisters my father has. She just gave birth to a cute little girl in March, She's twenty four year olds, unmarried and currently living in sin with the father of her baby. As I mentioned my family has a vast experience with unplanned pregancies, I believe there's not a woman on the side of my dad's family who's done the marriage bit before the kid. Starting with my own grandma, her sisters, their daughters, my aunts, and my cousins. Actually if I do the math, I guess I was only bound to be next. After Karen,there's me, then her sister. I have now promised myself that if I make it, i'll warn Amy about this curse.

Because it has to be some kind of curse or divine fertility. You would think that after so many times a little common sense would be ingrained in our brains. Yeah right, doesn't look like it. Apparently the women in my family are horny hormonal morons, me included. Reckless and irresponsible sex with equally stupid men runs in the family. Which brings me back to the peeing. It should men peeing in cups or sticks to get tested. Men should be the ones with the risk of unwanted pregancies.

"Maybe you should drink more water"Amy said opening the door slightly to give me another bottle of water. Yeah maybe-

_In touch with the ground  
I'm on the hunt I'm after you  
Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found  
And I'm hungry like the wolf_

I groaned that stupid song was beggining to piss me off, when I usually got turned just from hearing it. I was weird and I had a thing for eighties songs, specially for Duran Duran and Simon Le Bon on the video of that song. The man was sexy, so lame as it was, I used it as my ring tone for Jared, it was not like he was going to know. Maybe I was perverted but the song was just like sex...And Jared made me thinlk of sex most of the times...

Hell, sex is what placed us on this situation. Hence the pissing off.__

Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme  
I howl and I whine, I'm after you  
Mouth is alive, all running inside  
And I'm hungry like the wolf

This was the fourth missed call. The idiot would think this was fast. I am guessing he's really freaked out like me. Serves him right. But hell would have to freeze first before I talked to him while I tried to pee.C

"Geez" I let out a sigh and is finally out. After washing my hands like three times, I placed the stick on the counter and tried to push the tears away.

"It's going to be okay" Karen said soothingly.

"No it's not" I protested weakly, it was not going to be okay. I had already accepted the fact that I was pregnant, the test was just a formality. What I was dwelling now was with what I had to do. And I know I sounded childish, immature, and cruel. But it's not that I didn't know what to do. Because I did. I didn't want to be a mother, to dissapoint my parents, to burden myself or Jared with this huge responsability and condemn myself to be poor, no college, no nothing, and screw the baby's life up.

"Come on Kimmie it might just be stress or something else" Karen offered

"Yeah stress" Amy backed her up, both of them looking at each opther when they thought I was not looking. They didn't believe that neither did I.

"Maybe you could give it for adoption"Karen said getting more . I was not having it.

"No, I can't" A baby who could one day turn into a werewolf.

I was not having now.

"Let's just wait and then when you know for sure you can take a decision Kim, and if it's postivie I can take you to see my gyn, he..."But I had already cut her off.

I was scared of the consequences. Jared didn't want it anymore than I did. His face had said it all. But he didn't want me to get rid of it either. It had been too risky to buy a test back home, so I had to wait until I was on Karen's house miles away from my parents and from Jared. We had not argued or fought I had only cried myself to sleep in his arms. He had asked me to stay until we figured this out I had refused and flat out told him no. It was risking too much with my parents there.

At least he understood that

At the end of day, I think he would support I couldn't see him get crushed like that. He had almost teared up when he had let me go. A call and he would be here. But I didn't want him here with me because of this.

"Are the five minutes up?" I asked interrupting whatever Karen had been blabbing about. She looked up at her watch and nodded. I opened the door, and there in the sink the test was laying. I had only to pick it up to see nothing or a little pink plus sign. I couldn't.

"I can't" I said stepping out "You see it Kay" My stomach seemed to clench and unclench at the pace my heart was beating and I was almost sure I was going to throw up.

"It's positive" And that's how the tiny hope I had buried deep in me shattered completely. And the truth I had began digesting two days ago finally settles as unquestionable.

* * *

It was done. Gone. Finito

Anticlimatic as it sounds but it was. A lot of blood, a lot of tears, many missed calls, and it was over. Just like that. In the course of almost two weeks, the bleeding stopped and other than the stupid cramps and the bad stomach I had to suffer during that week and half. It was over. Basically the guilt was all I had left to deal with. I had only been five weeks into the pregnancy which had made the abortion easy. Taking medication was easy, a surgical procedure would have been something I probably wouldn't have been able to go through.

Only Karen and Amy knew. And hopefully they would be the only ones to ever know. Jared well, he had gotten a more friendly version of the story.

I had to eventually answer his calls that day before I had him bursting into my cousin's house half naked and demanding to see me.

"Hey" I said my voice was raspy from all the crying.

"Kim" His voice was painful.

"It's negative" I whispered. The lie almost getting caught in my throat. He breathed a sigh of relief, and my eyes only watered. But I pushed myself to keep the lie going "I guess it was just the stress and all"

"Oh Kim I'm so sorry we should've been more careful"He was letting it all out "False alarm."

"Yeah false alarm."I croaked "Look Jared I don't feel so good I'm tired so I'll call you tomorrow"

"I could run over there tonight. Sam's in a really good moodl..he..." But I cut him off.

"No, my cousin would probably just freak out."

"Is everything okay Kim?" He asked again.

"Yes , I'm only a little bit overwhelmed and tired I guess"

"I'm just a call away. You just say it and I'll be there "And I knew he meant it. I nodded even if he couldn't see me "I know. Thanks"

"I love you Km."

"I-"The hesitance was for a second and I wasn't sure he noticed but it was there "Yeah me too. Look we'll talk about it tomorrow." The lie again. Because since that day we had barelyt talked over the phone and when we did, it was always about the stupid stuff. I usually texted him back and sometimes I had Amy lying for me when I wasn't up to answering. After the first week he seemed to get it and he started calling less and less until he was texting me once a day and calling every three days.

Surprisingly so I didn't miss him as much as I thought I would. The internship allowed me to concentrate and when I was in the house I usually would read or cry. Crying had quickly turned into something I could summon very easily. All I had to do was close my eyes and the tears would come.

For how long would I cry. I didn't know or care. Whatever I had to do to avoid dealing with the feelings that were behind my tears.

* * *

"Lovely Kim" Amy said bouncing over to my bed. Amy was only a year younger, she was a bit like my friend Lexie without the vicious side. She was a happy soul.

"You need to go out"She stated.

"You need to do your homework" I said turning another page of my book. "Come on get dressed, there's a party tonight. And I think Craig's cousin is twenty one so there will be booze"

"I'm not feeling well. Besides I don't think that drinking with a bunch of fifteen year olds is my idea of a good time"

"I'm sixteen, and there won't be freshmen at the party. Craig is a senior, he's going to college next month. So most of the people are older than you"

"From the way you talked about him, I thought he was your age" I said. Craig was her current, apparently senior, boyfriend.

"Well none of us can be as lucky as you to find the perfect guy our age" Jared was not my age he wasl almost a year older than me. He was turning eighteen this August.

"Ha ha ha. Very funny"I said annoyed "I doubt Craig's perfect. I'll guess I'll have to meet him tonight." I could definitely use the distraction, there was no point in staying here holed up in the room for the weekend.

* * *

What other way to celebrate my life and not being pregnant than getting smashed until walking was something that gave me so much trouble I had to look down at my feet to take step after step. I was passed a joint from who knows who and I took a drag and giggled. It was funny.

"You're pretty" I got distracted by a little boy with afro hair. Not that I would question at to why there was such a small child in a party. I tried to grab his cheek but ended up with my face on the grass

"That's a tree" A voice said.

"What tree?" I asked as this stranger helped me up

"The one you're talking to" He said "Come up. There you go" So I was standing again. Where had that boy gone to.

"You're Kim right?"this stranger asked. He was not very bad looking, he had bronze skin and hair like Jared's. He was sorta of cute. I giggle some more

"Kim" I laughed. My name was funny

"Do you want another beer?" He asked. "Or maybe food"

"Foood" I slurred. Not that he mentioned it I was hungry. A burger magically appeared on my plate, and it was really tasty I probalby moaned as I ate.

"It's really good." I said feeling more in control as the food absorbed the alcohol in my system.

"You're welcome" Once I was done with the burger and I could form more than one sentence without blurting somethign completely ridiculous. "What's your name, I don't remember" I said laughing awkwardly

"I didn't introduce myself" He said. "Carlos" And when he said it it was like he talked spanish.

"You're latino?" I asked surprised. He burst out laughing. "Racist much? I was born here but my mom's mexican, my dad's all white and mighty "

"I'm sorry I didn't mean like that. I mean I'm native american" I said laughing nervously.

"No worries I thought Amy had latin roots when I met her" I laughed I guess it was easy to make that kind of assumption and I was not insulted. I laughed.

"So you're from La Push. Any boyfriend back there?" Wrong question. I made a sour face. And I lied again and not because I was interested but because I didn't want to talk about him. At least that's what I told myself"No."

"That's too bad"Yeah too bad. He seemed really sorry my ass. I couldn't help the smile appearing on my face. Or my still drunk mouth to blurt.

"Girlfriend?"I asked

"No"

"Oh"I said the smile becoming bigger. "Do you want to go outside, people are still dancing"He said giving me hand to get up from the stool. Dancing was harmless, I deserved to have fun. Why not?

We were dorky dancing for a little while until we finally sat down. I was still a bit drunk, and with the rush of the laughing and dancing, I was riding the happy high wave. We sat in a circle were they were smoking pot. So I was not getting down anytime soon.

"I could show you some country moves" He was gesturing and for no reson everything seemed to be more funny than it really was.

"Warm up, and when I return you can show me" I said laughing, I got up and asked in hushed tones to Amy to where the bathroom was.

We went into the house, to the one upstairs, being girlfriend of the house owner had it's perks I guess. "Thanks." I said

"Do you want me to wait or?·"

"You can go. I'm pretty sure I know my way out" I assured her. I was washing my hands trying to keep my mind blank. There was a knock on the door.

"I'm almost done" I yelled over the door, drying my hands. But the door knob turned and I was going to protest but it was just Carlos blocking my way grinning.

"Have you ever heard of locking a door"He mocked. I laughed "Have you ever heard of waiting until people come out" And then he was pushing me into the bathroom and closing the door and locking it without turning his back on me.

"What are you doing?" I half laughed, half whispered. Feeling a familiar thrill on my stomach. My subconscious knew what he was doing. But instead of finding a way to stop him I was only encouraging him. A coy smile, and his lips were on mine. However the moment they started moving I opened my eyes.

_The ship had sailed._

The bathroom's window was open. And out there in the black sky, there was a full moon mocking me. Carlos didn't even notice and he kept kisisng me my lips moving accordingly. But my body cold and unfeeling. This was wrong but I couldn't bring myself to push him away. What was the point.

I was a whore. I had just flat out proven it. A lying whore that was never going to live up to his expectations. A murderer, a cheater, a liar. I blinked and suddenly I was crying.

_I was a ship and I was sinking._

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**a/N:so im not endorsing abortion or anything like that. and if i offended someone im sorry. it's just like when girls write fics about suicide, this stuff happens but by no means im supporting it or trying to influence anyone. i had a writer's block again hahaha and my laptop broke, sorry it took so long, and sorry if sucks. it i'll try to update soon. **

**anyone who's dissapointed in kim, i believe that when you do something stupid you are bound to do more stupid things if you don't talk it through. and to my pov it's not the abortion what was stupid but lying to jared about it. and like all lies it's only bound to come out and bite her in the ass...sorry kim. things don't look very bright in the future.**

**thanks to all of you who read this story. it hast almost now the same number of hits than 3MIAM, so on average this one's more read but less reviewed. So extra thanks and a cookie to the 2.25% of my readers that review the other 97.75% of my readers should thank them too because they pressure me to update as often as I can . So as long as I have at least one review I'll update.**

**questions ask away**


	23. No return policy

**a/N: The last chapter was the most reviewed. Fourteen reviews wow, i don't know if it was because of what I said or because I hadn't updated like in forever, or because of the chapter, anyways i'm really thankful. this is now the story with the most alerts of my fics, 77 of you have it. And it's the second most read with over 17,000 hits hahaha thank you. Two more chapters and I think my harry potter story will get trumped. hahaha. well here it is an update. enjoy!! and review!!! it takes less than a minute!**

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**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

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**23. No return policy**

The first time you cheat, you feel like scum the next day. You regret it and you wish you could go back int time. You try to convince yourself you were not in your right state of mind and that it's never happening again. You vow it to the gods, to yourself to everything that's holy and so. After feeling miserable, you make up excuses. What's a little indiscretion, when you heart swells of love for someone else. When you can't erase that person of your mind. What's the importance of some guy who's name you can barely remember. And there's another name that has claimed each freaking part of you.

But...

The second time it feels even worse than the first one because you promised and swore to yourself you were not going to do it again, yet you're here doing the exact same thing and not being able to stop yourself. The second time you cry and you break down, because you can't imagine what kind of horrible person would do this to someone he or she loves. This time you don't feel like scum. This time you have discovered you're scum. And here is where it all ends. Because with the knowledge you realize the awful truth. He's this wonderful guy and you're scum.

So three, four, five, six times. One, two, or three differents guys. And they're all the same. Because you trick yourself. You numb yourself and even if you're aware that you're freefalling and that eventually you're going to hit the ground, and hit it hard, you know you deserve it. And you sincerely hopes it hurts, and that you'll bleed to death. Because you can't possibly be worthy of love when you can't love him back the same way he does. You can't even be honest with him, it shouldn't have surprised you that you couldn't be faithful either. And it doesn't anymore. Instead you take your time, destroying everything he's worked so far. Breaking down each wall until it crumbles down, until there's nothing left. Making sure hope is a silly thing you've convinced yourself you never held.

And that love was just a silly dream of pretty pictures and fuzzy feelings you barely remember.

So that when you go back to him. You're not really going back. Because the you that left him is gone, nad you're just this shell of the girl he imprinted on.

"So how was it, you were really vague in your calls, and I haven't seen any pictures" Maddie said giggling as Ade kept throwing her nauseating and disgusting lovey dovey faces .

"I didn't take any" I mumbled not bothering to lift my eyes from my book.

"Right. So have you talked to Lexie?" Her tone softened and was more cautious.

"Yes" I said smiling slightly. "I called her yesterday when I got home, and she came over"

"You called _her_?" Maddie asked sounding slightly hurt.

"Yes" I kept it short I didn't want to deal with her jealousy or hurt feelings. "So is Kyle back from Texas?" I asked finally closing the book.

"Uuuhm..."Ade looked confused at me, and struggled with his words "Umm yeah, he's spending next week here down at the rez, before we go back to school.. why"

"We should definitely do something"I said into the window "Anyways I'll tell Lex and we'll think of something.."

"Uhmm....Kim?"Maddies asked "You forgave Lexie?"

"Yes" I said exasperated. And I had, we had talked things out and I forgave her. It wasn't like her utter hate for Jared would be an issue in the future if I had my way. The rest of the drive was in silence, we were meeting Jared at the starting point.

Of course when he arrived he wasn't the only one there. Leah and Paul were there too. The more we were, the merrier.

"Kim"GuilT. What I thought would be eating me the moment I saw him, is the last thing in my mind. Instead I am angry at him, that he's throwing his arms around me like nothing's wrong. That he doesn't flinch or looks disgusted uponmyappearance. I'm not exaggerating either,I look like crap, I've made sure of that. Eating like tomorrow wasn't coming and yet I've managed to lose a couple of pounds, no makeup, bags under my eyes, I even look pale. And that's saying something.

I didn't even bother washing my hair thisn morning...

But his eyes don't even tell he's noticed. He's just really fucking happy to see me. And for a moment it makes me angry but then it makes me want to cry.

"Hey" I throw back weakly. I am aware of Leah's look. But I try to not pay much attention, her questioning eyes make me feel transparent as if she could see through me.

"I missed you" He whisper in my ear.

"I missed you too" My voice croaks, as flashes of all the disgusting things I did over my stay at Seattle come back. So I disentangle myself from him quickly trying to search for some tissues on my bag and clean my face before the tears start raising suspicion among everyone.

"Let's give the reunited lovebirds time to catch up"Paul says extending his arm towards Leah. She makes sure of giving me one pointed look before starting down the road. Maddie and my cousin following them, and Jared and I lingering where the trail starts.

"So I got you a little something" Jared said happily giving me a small box. I remembered I had bought him a photo poster of the city at night. I only nodded and tried to smile. He urged me to open the present and when I did, there was a ring on it. It was really small,so it was probably to wear on my pinky finger. There was a large blue rock overpowering the band, it had several silver colored curves and the hint of green dots scattered on the upper left side of it. It was beautiful, kind of exotique.

"Thanks I said "It's very pretty" I said.

"Just like you, and I didn't exactly choose it, Leah helped" He admitted "I've been hanging around those two a lot..."

"Heard you've turned things around over the last month" I said mentioning something I remembered Maddie told me. Apparently with the Elders' support, encouragement and Sam's exceptional leadership skills, they had turned the tables on their image. La Push was no longer thrashing Jared, Sam and Paul. But they were taken from shady guys, to exceptional young fellows who were doing so much for our community. Even my mom was finding them appealing.

"Sam worked our asses non stop" Jared said getting my backpack and his and taking my hand in his "Paul's not getting any better at controlling his temper, but we're getting faster and much better at coordinating. It's been really quiet, vampire wise, so we've doing some handy work around the rez."

"Handyman" I chuckled the sense of discomfort beggining to slip away as Jared was strange how easy I forgot the rightness I felt whenever I was with Jared.

"Yeah you could put it like that" He laughed " We're getting some pointers on construction too. Sam has really good ideas of all the stuff we could do for the rez. He fears that more guys will be phasing. With the Cullens here, it can only be expected. Jake and Quil and maybe Leah's brother when he's older..."

"Seth's Colin's age" I said quietly "I hope the Cullens leave, poor Seth"

"The elder's hope so too for the good of everyone" Jared said darkly "The oldest graduated on June" He air quoted oldest "The other two will leave next year, so hopefully then they'll leave. Billy Black is really worried"

"Why?"I asked, as he helped me climb a rock

"One of them is dating Chief Swan's daughter and it appears that on May she went down to Phoenix and came back all broke because she supposedly fell from a staircase, but the elders and Sam think it was them"

"Like he hurt her?" I asked. I shuddered thinking of Emily and Sam, and how he had hurt her too. Did being hurt was something you couldn't escape when dating a supernatural being. I tried ton push my thoughts aside and cling to his words again.

".....they can't know for sure. He made his kid warn her about the Cullens, but time will tell. So Seattle how was it?."

"Yeah" I said squirming as his grip tightened a little bit "I'm sorry I was kind of weird while I was there. I was just trying to deal with everything. Things had been so crazy lately and then the whole-"

"Pregnancy scare?"He offered

"Yeah it was too much" I ended up lamely.

"It was just that?" He asked again forcing me to look up at him. I couldn't hold his gaze so I barely made eye contact with him before resuming my pace alone

"Yes it was just that, and I don't want to talk about it" I snapped.

"Kim"

"No Jared. I don't want to please" I pleaded. I was not ready to talk about it. Because that would mean opening up to him, and that would imply having to be honest with him. And if I was honest right now, I was going to lose him. And even if I knew I was going to eventually, seeing him again made me want to hold onto the string holding us right now.

"But we're good?" He seemed hesitant as if he wanted to push further, but maybe my demeanor was enough to keep him away for now.

"Yes we're good" I said. Lie again. It was getting easier maybe I could test what they said about lies. Keep repeating it to yourself and eventually you'll believe it too.

* * *

"I haven't played spin the bottle since seventh grade"Leah complained as Paul grinning settled the now empty bottle of vodka on the floor.

"We're playing truth or dare"Maddie clapped excitedly settling down cross legged. I could care less what we were playing. I was really wasted and I was betting my boobs ,so were the rest of was just another excuse to get the heat going up before each little couple retired to do their own thing. What a sham.

Paul was the first one to go. And when the bottle stopped it was pointing at Ade.

"Truth or Dare"Maddie chanted.

"Truth" Ade smirked. Paul grinned in an evil way, and Leah came closer to whisper something they both laughed in a very evil criminal kind of way. And then Paul asked.

"How often have you've taken care of it while fantasizing about Madison?" Ear splitting howls of laughter erupted from Leah, Jared, Paul and myself, as Maddie blushed like a tomato and my cousin only gulped down. Maddie had to look elsewhere and Ade pulled the collar of his shirt.

"Too many to keep track of" Honest answer at least he was not being a baby. And so the game started ir should've been called the Sex Truth or Dare game, since very single question or dare was revolving around that them. After Adrian, Leah had to do a lap dance for Paul, then Paul had to confess that he had lost his virginity to Lexie of all people, that kind of explained why Lexie hated Leah now. There was probably a rivalry thing going on in her head. Jared had to touch my butt and give it a squeeze. Maddie had to lift her shirt flashing us all in her bra, and I admitted self pleasuring was not a boy's thing only. Three rounds playing, two more bottles, four joints and a couple of beers later, and pretty much self respect, decency and inhibitions were long gone. Blood was certainly circulating fast and the sexual tension was at its peak. So it was only accurate that the tone of the game rised.

Things were starting to get more bold and sexual, and the only thing holding this as mere playing was the relationship factor. Concern that was actually voiced when Paul decided to ask permission formally before we kept going.

"So this will be like spin the bottle with a twist" Paul was explaining, but his eyes lingered on Jared who was riding the happy wave like the rest of us, nodding at every word that came from Paul's mouth. "But let's clear the air first. Jared, Adrian"

Ade looked at Maddie, who only nodded slowly. Her cheeks flushing and hiding her face on my cousin's chest. "We're in"

"Jared" Paul turned to my boyfriend to find him grinnin at Paul and nodding. He was in lala land.

"Jared!"Leah yelled "Are you and Kim in?"

"In what?" He could be such a meat head at times. I sighed. I was in definitely in, we were drunk and not really thinking about the possible repercussions of what we were about to do. Especially with Jared and Paul sharing a mind with someone else...

"I'm okay if you are" Finally aware of his surroundings. I nodded and Paul grinned in triumph.

"Game on" He said placing the bottle once again in the wave of anticipation and excitement palpable in the air.

It was definitely on.

* * *

Kissing a girl was definitely not what I expected. Not at all. I mean I've never been a homophobe, but I never thought I'd see the day where I would enjoy kissing a girl. It was like lip locking with a really ugly guy, who you didn't feel the least attracted to, but that really knew how to move his tongue. That was kissing Leah. She knew, so it was not hard to lose myself into the kiss. It was all a game and we were all past common decency. The fleeting question if I was cheating again, passed my head. But I dismissed it quickly. If your guy was watching it couldn't be cheating. Besides what difference did it make it was just another nail in the coffin.

Maddie and Ade had gone to bed early, literally I think. She was probably losing her virginity a couple of feet away inside their tent. No one would be surprised if she did. We were probably expecting it. Leah threw her head back breaking the kiss violently and moaning. I opened my eyes to see Paul smirking,pressing himself behind her his eyes two pools of lust waiting for someone to drown in them. I turned my back on them to find Jared sitting, his legs widely open and visibly excited by the kiss. I didn't have to call him or say his name. My eyes were probably the same as Paul's.

And I don't know if it was a good thing or not but before Jared could kiss me, Leah was pulling me for another kiss,and I felt a set of lips settle behind my ear traveling down my neck. A wall of heat on my back that kept me standing up even if my knees were buckling. And then there were hands, and mouths and limbs tangling up, clothes were being rapidly discarded.

And before I knew it, Jared and I were doing our thing. I was straddling him while he was sitting kneading every single body part that demanded attention. Leah was just behind Jared completely bent down her hand and feet on the ground, with Paul going at it behind him. It was perverted but it was hot. Not being able to resist any longer the pulsing flesh, I lifted up my hips, with one thrust he was inside.

And I was out of it.

* * *

I woke up safely tucked under Jared's arms, sweating. I got up as quietly as I could, we were inside our tent, how we had gotten in there I had no idea. But I needed to find something to wear. His shirt was on the corner and it was enough to cover myself. I stepped out to see a display of bottles, cigars, joints, clothes and an almost dead fire. It was early the sun wasn't completely up, and there was no sound of chirping birds to wake up to.

I tried to search in Jared's jeans for a box of cigars. Smoking, a nasty habit I used to despise and had recently acquired over the summer. It was like I was trying to drink and smoke out the guilt for my reckless behavior.

"Really Kim?"Leah said coming out of her tent with a a big hoodie that covered her legs." Pass" I threw the box at her and kept smoking.

"It's eating you isn't it" The sentence and accusation was so out of the blue that I didn't even have time to say something back before she was elaborating. "You screwed up"

"What?" I asked trying to pretend I was offended by her. She shook her head and looked pointedly at the tents then she started walking through the trees, and I guess I had to follow her. We walked like half a mile. Until we settled near a little river.

"What happened?" And there was no mocking or anything else other in her voice that could make me think she was mean intentioned. Acutally she sounded as I had neve heard her before. No sarcasm, no bitchiness. Completely sincere.

"I don't want to talk about it" I said replying with the same honesty.

"I see" She said and studied my face for a little bit, until she got up. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me. But you should tell someone Kim, before the guilt starts eating you, because it will destroy you both. Just look at me."

"I can't" I whispered.

"Well try. Jared's a really good guy, and he deserves better than this:" I agreed he deserve better than me and how was I treating, but as much as I knew I wasn't good enough, I couldn't find enough stength to cut him lose. So I was powerless, condemned to stand back and watch as it all slowly burned down into a pile of ashes.

"Don't say anything please"I felt the need to plead.

"I won't" She promised "Just remember there's no room for mistakes"

"What?"

"Imprinting Kim. One way or another, you can't escape him. He stopped being him the moment he laid eyes on you. He's yours now, wether you want him or not. And I should warn you, there's no clause in that contract. Believe me, I searched." Imprinting came with a no return policy.

Even if it turned to ashes.

* * *

**review and i hope you liked it. i'm over the moon with the clip from new moon with paul hahahaha. alex meraz is just wow....hhaha**


	24. Not a matter of if, but when

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**24. It's not a matter of _if_****, but ****_when.._**

"Will someone please tell her we need to hurry" I heard someone saying a couple of feet away from me. I was resting my face on the toilet seat, waiting for the sobs to stop and the bile to evacuate my system. How much could I keep puking. I had delivered my breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I still felt sick.

"How much did she drink?" It was a male voice. But I couldn't specifically attach a face to the voice. Everything was so confusing, the lights were too bright, and I was aware I was sitting on the dirtiest floor I had ever seen. There was gum, toilet paper, dirt and cigars all over it. Cigars, the smell of tobaco only made me queasier.

"Are you done hun?" That was Maddie. So she was here being the dutiful best friend and holding my hair for me. I shook my head.

"Sarah could you pass me some moist toilet paper" I heard her call over my shoulder. Suddenly I felt a cold pad of something on the back of my neck.

"Thanks" I murmured before lowering my face once again to let another wave of acids mixed up with digested food out of my stomach. It lasted longer and it made me cry even harder. But by the time I was wiping my mouth, I knew I was oficially empty.

"Come on. Up" I tried to balance myself with the high heels I was wearing and with the help of Madison I made it to the sink. I couldn't properly function so Sarah had to help in splashing water to my face. After thorough cleaning and plenty of decision making we went back to our table where the boys were waiting. My cousin, his friends, and Sara's boyfriend. No Jared I registered.

Right. He was patrolling and he thought I was at Madison watching movies. I had the irrational impulse of calling him, knowing he wouldn't pick up since he was running around on fours, but my cellphone was snatched by Madison's sneaky hands before I could even push the call bottom.

"No drunk calling" She scolded "I think we'll call it a night" Ade said standing up and giving me a pity look. He threw some car keys to someone and when I could focus my eyes again I was in the back of the cab drooling over someone's shoulder.

"What is it with her, it's the third time this week" It was Ade eyeing me worriedly. I had the urge to protest but I really couldn't speak coherent thoughts.

"I don't know" I felt fingers going through my hair, and my head being pulled into someone's lap, making my position more comfortable, making me draft but not lose completely conscious of what was happening all around me "I'm really worried about her. But I honestly don't what to do. Everytime I ask her if something's wrong, she gets upset."

"Have you talked to Jared?"

"No."

"Maybe you should, I don't what my uncle would do if he catches her this drunk. We'll have to sneak her in _again. _Give me her cell to call Colin and give him heads up".

I was awakened when the cab stopped. It parked on the other side of the street. Ade was opening to the door to help me out and Maddie was placing a coat on my shoulders. We crossed the street to find a worried and very nervous Colin waiting outside in his pajamas, the door to my house was already open and I was led downstairs by Madison who helped me undress and change into a clean set of pajamas.

Colin came down a couple of minutes later with a bucket.

"Thanks" Maddie whispered. Colin gave me one last glance and left. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered how wrong of me it was to arrive shit faced and have my twelve year old brother looking after me.

"Kim" She said as she grabbed my face with her right hand forcing me to look straight at her. "If you want to puke just turn your face to the side, I'm placing the bucket here ok?." I nodded.

I started whimpering without having any control over it and Maddie sat on my bed, rubbing my back soothingly.

"What is it Kim? What's wrong"I shook my head vehemently. I couldn't tell her not even with the high amount of alcohol in my blood.

"Kimmie please talk to me" She pleaded "I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong"

"Is it Jared?" His name only made me cry harder.

"Did he do something?" I shook my head again.

"Then what is it?" She was growing very restless and I coul hear the panic in her voice "You're starting to scare me..." I was starting to scare myself, everything was spinning out of control. And now that I wanted it all to stop I just couldn't see how to.

"Maddie" I sobbed trying to sit up and hugging my friend as hard as I could. I know I was making her dress wet, but she didn't seem to mind.

"You have to go"I croaked "Ade's waiting for you"

"I'll spend the night here okay? Let me take care of Ade" She rushed upstairs as I tried to blow my nose and clean my face yet again. I took a large gulp from the glass of water she had probably placed earlier on my bedside table.

I finally heard the front door close, followed by the basement's door.

"Just give me a minute" Maddie going throughmy drawers and snatching a sleeping camisole to change herself. I figured it would be easier to talk if I didn't have to see her so I started.

"I was pregnant" There was a loud intake of air and I saw her arms freeze. She didn't turn to see or said nothing so I kept going trying to keep my voice low and calmed.

"I.. got rid of it as soon as I found out. Jared doesn't know about any of it, he thinks it was a scare and I.."I couldn't go on without bursting into tears once again. I felt so stupid for crying all the time but I really couldn't help myself.

"Oh my god Kim..."She gasped and looked at me as if I was someone else. She was not digusted or angry, she just was surprised. And this was the girl that had been my best friend my whole life.

"That's not all" I kept going when I had enough air to continue "I cheated on him while I was in Seattle, several times, and I...I just can't break up with him. Even though I should. But I can't tell him. He can't know...I just...I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Tell me what do"

"I honestly don't know. Oh my god Kim what have you done"She sighed and held me tighter if possible. My best friend couldn't help me, I couldn't help myself. What was I to do.

I cried and she listened, until I was too tired to cry and I fell into the bed into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

After listening to my brother talk about football and meaningless talk my parents tried to make with Madison and I, we finally were excused from the table and able to leave. Showered and dressed, I pushed the events of last night to the back of my mind, trying to be chipper and fix my bedroom instead. Until Maddie thought she needed to go all Dr. Phil on my ass.

"So what are you going to do?" She said sitting in my bed biting her lip. I could tell she was nervous about bringing it up in the first place so I gave her a way out and played dumb.

"About what?" I asked feigning a special interest on my book shelf as if I were looking out for a book.

"About Jared"

"Well he's coming over later so we may watch a movie or something. I might convince him of bringing ice cream, I'm really craving something sweet anyways-"

"You just had breakfast and I thought you were hung over" She pointed looking confused "Besides that's not what I was talking about. I mean about the whole" then she mouthed abortion "deal"

"I don't know what you're talking about" I sing sang. Picking up a book and putting it in the pile I had been doing of books I was going to donate.

"Kim..."

"You must've been pretty drunk that you're talking non sense" I managed to laugh at it as her eyes only seemed to pop out at my behavoir "I mean I was pretty out of it myself but-"

"You fucking puked all over the bathrooom at the club"

"There's no need to yell. My parents are upstairs. Are you stupid?" I retorted angily. She was really starting to piss me off. Couldn't she take a hint, that I had no intention of talking it with her or anyone else for that matter.

"You are the stupid one Kim, what is going on, last night-"

"Last night I was drunk. End of story." I snapped "I won't talk about last night again and if you ever so much as mention it, you'll regret it."

"Is that a threat?"She looked hurt. But I meant it. Pushing the unpleasant sickness off my stomach I swallowed hard.

"No. But you should leave, Jared will be here as soon as my parents leave to Colin's game"

"Kim..."She pleaded again

"I said no Madison. Leave it at that. Is it too much to ask?"

"Kim I-" But I cut her off this time losing my temper and dropping the pile of books.

"We've been friends for a really long time. But I swear to god if you ever dare to bring this up, we're through" I couldn't bare to look at my friend, she was too stunned to answer so I busied myself picking up the books.

I heard her pack her stuff and run up the stairs without so much as goodbye. I focused on the big pile of books and organizing the rest of my bedroom. By the time Jared was here, I had already pushed everything to the back of my mind.

"Hey" I said smiling after the simple kiss greeting I was treated to. His hands that hadn't made it to my waist as the usually did, were holding two bags.

"What do you have there?" I asked trying to take a peek. On one there was a hat and a white jersey from my brother's team, and on the other there was a bottle of boones and two plastic cups.

"We are toasting" He proclaimed opening the cheap bottle and pouring fruity cold wine into each cup.

"Why?" I asked having no idea why we were toasting.

"It's done Kim. I have your parent's permission to date you and we are going to your brother's game" I blinked several times before letting his news settle. My parents hadn't said anything, I hadn't even talked to them about Jared since Lexie had ratted me out.

"How?"I asked unsure this was reallyhappening and not very convinced Jared was actually saying the truth.

"Well you'll have to ask your mom." He said laughing placing the cap on my head and changing his shirt to put the jersey on. "But I'm glad we have cleared that up."

"Yeah"I said weakly letting the glasson the shelf and searching on my drawer for my own Cubs girl jersey.

"Next week I'm throwing a party for my birthday, and since we didn't get to celebrate our month anniversary we could do something on saturday I mean-"

"One month?"I asked, I tried to do the math, the day I had broke down on his car and we hadmade up, seemed so long ago. We were almost due for the second month mark.

"We could wait until two" I said pulling the shirt I was wearing . But before I could put the other one on, warm hands were already on my stomach pulling me back to Jared's warm body. I relaxed, enjoying the comfort of his body against mine. No kissing, just being held by him.I sighed. Why couldn't every moment be as perfect as this one.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nothing" I laughed it off pulling my own jersey through my head. "Just thinking.."

"About me?"He said grinning spinning me around.

"Who else" I laughed letting him carry me over the stairs and out into his car. Now that my parents knew mabe things were going to be okay. Maybe we could be okay after all.

His car used to be blue now it was black. Guess Lexie's little prank had required a paint job and maybe some polishing. I let myself enjoy the sight of him driving. The guilt that had been eating me over the last days had prevented me from basking into the greatness that was my boyfriend.

My adoration for him had not subdued but only increased. It was hard sometimes to believe that this gorgeous, good natured and lovely boy was mine. It was easy to get caught up in the problems and forget how lucky I really was.

The downside of it was that as he kept smiling and asking about my supposed sleepover, I remembered how much I had lied. And how much I was willing to keep hiding from him to keep him happy.

Maybe his happiness was worth all this. Maybe it was not about me and my guilt but about him and what made him happy. Which I supposed was me. Could he stop loving me if I told him....

No, Leah had said it. He couldn't.

However I was not willing to take the risk of finding out.

* * *

"I had no idea your parents liked football that much" I said laughing as I watched my father engaged in a conversation with Jared's father and some other men. I knew Jared had used to play football when he was younger but I never imagined his parents to be as crazed with the stupid sport as mine.

I barely understood the mechanic of the games, and I knew purely the basics. But it was fun too watch with Jared who besides explaining play play kept me entertained with his playful talk.

"It's just wow" I laughed. A BBQ was being held just next to the field where the team played. Most of the boys had already eaten and were running around the field without the equipment, just throwing the ball and whatever is that kiddies did.

"You knew my Dad played too" He said sucking on the corn on his plate "He was really good too"

"Yeah I overheard Dad and him talking about it. It's a small world"I sang.

"Come on Kim, we live on a rez. How come we didn't think of it sooner" And yeah why didn't we our parents were almost the same age, and while my Dad had only lived for two years on La push, until he married my mom and came back. Daniel and him had been husky players around the same time. Jared's Dad was bit older than mine.

I cut a piece of the cooked meat and shoved it into his mouth playfully.

"Hey Jared" My mother said sweetly as she walked over to us "Would you kids mind running to the convenience store and getting some ice for the cooler."

"Don't you have anyone else to boss?" I asked annoyed. But Jared was already up, extending one hand and taking his car keys out.

"Of course Mrs. Connweller"

"Oh Jared call me Lola" My mom said laughing, and I had to supress the urge to scream at her. Since when did she turn into I'm miss hip and nice.

"Going mom" I said waving my eyebrows at her as I fake pushed Jared to the parking lot.

"Jared be a dear and get my coat while you're at it" Kara yelled over the oldies music they had been nodded and we kept shoving each other until we ran into another couple.

"Hey"Jared said happily. I turned around to see my best friend and my and him small talked while Madison and I stared at each other.

"Hey"I offered as a peace offering.

"Hey"She replied shortly.

"I.." I was at a loss of words. I had meant what I said but I didn't want thingsto be weird.

"It's fine." Maddie said a bit more loudly shutting the topic. I gave her a small smile and she just nodded.

"We came to pick Brady up"Maddie explained. I nodded and moved aside so she could pass. Adrian walked after her stopping to examine me.

"How you're holding up drunkie"Adrian said patting my head.

"Drunkie?"Jared asked looking confused. I shook my had and glared at my cousin.

"He's an ass" I said pulling Jared away from them.

"Why does he call you drunkie?"

"Because he's stupid, don't listen to him" I tried to dismiss him,in a way Jared wouldn't suspect. I didn't knowif it worked or if he sensed he was bothering but he stopped.

But I couldn't help asking myself for how long would I be able to hold it together.

Because it was not a matter of if, but when it all came tumbling down.

* * *

a/N: 15 days until new moon. yes! sorry if it seems a bit of a filler but things have to complicate a little bit more with each chapter. For jared's party im writting on his pov and i can promise it will be a party to remember although not in a very good way. As one of you said shit is going to hit the fan.

It won't be pretty....

on a brighter note this story is just beggining I think unless I change my mind haha and cut it short.

Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll upload two more chapter before new moon's premiere..

and it will be explained later how jared got permission to date Kim.


	25. Game over

**a/N: Last Kim chapter before a Jared POV. I pray you don't hate me for this chapter....**

****runs to hide from angry readers****

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**25. Game over**

An imprint is supposed to be completely perfect for her imprinter. She can do no wrong , her likes, her dislikes, her activities, her faults, and her strong points will somehow match his. It might be that they share them or that they are complete opposite in a very perfect complimenting kind of way. Making them two halves that fit perfectly. So I would think after that load of crap, picking a birthday present would be the easiest task. Of course when thinking about it I discovered it was not. Music seemed too generic, clothes were out of the question since he barely dressed now a days. It was too early to make him a kind of artsy crafty piece of sentimental shit.

When I had asked for help, I had not gotten much of it. Emily had assured me that any little thoughtful trinket would do. Lexie had suggested putting a bow on myself, and going commando to his birthday party. Maddie, well she didn't talk much to me anymore. Things were still strained between us. And as much as I had stop with the fucking up, I had yet to apologize to her and talk about it. I wasn't doing crap anymore but I was still not ready to talk about it.

So I turned to the person who I thought could be helpful in the matter. She knew how much it meant to me and she would right out tell me if I was being ridiculous without caring about my feelings. Leah. We hadn't spoken since the little camping trip. Mostly because I was embarrassed about the whole orgy sort of thing and I think she regretted the little heart to heart. We were not friends yet, but I could definitely see the possibility of it becoming a reality in a not so distant future.

I walked to the Clearwater's following my brother's directions. She actually lived one block from Jared's so it was not hard getting to the right house. Fortunately for me, or unfortunately, only her brother was there when I got there.

"Just knock on her door"The youngest Clearwater said leading me upstairs.

"Won't she get mad?"I asked afraid of Leah's reaction to my intrusion. Seth seemed to ponder the possibility and knocked on the door.

"Leah,Kim's here" After his yell there was a loud thud, a man's complaining noises and Leah's swearing. Seth's eyes only seemed to pop out of his head.

"Ewww Leah, I'm telling mom on you" He yelled his face green and running all the way to his bedroom, forgetting all about me and shutting himself. After some more cursing and what I recognized Paul's groaning. Leah was opening the door zipping up her jeans, her hair an obvious mess zooming out towards Seth's door and knocking on his door.

"Nice Kimmie"Paul snickered as he watched amused Leah threatening to bust Seth's door open.

"She told me to meet her here at four"I whispered wincing at the same time, as she resorted to punching the door.

"You're going to get that hand splintered babe"Paul said

"Urgh! You're such afucking asshole. Get out of my house!!What are you still doing here?" When Paul only laughed. She started walking menancingly towards us, and I couldn't help taking two steps back."Go!!" Paul just kept laughing as he finished buttoning the shirt he was wearing.

"Kim make yourself useful and get that bag of shit out of my house before girly Seth comes out and throws another tantrum"Leah said annoyed.

"I'm not a girl"We heard Seth's indignant yell muffled. So Leah turned her back on us and went back to yell at Seth, while I walked with Paul downstairs

"You have no shame"I said "What if I had been her parents, you are just waiting for another Sam temper tantrum"

"Easy there knicks. Parents are at the Makah rez for the whole weekend"He wagged his eyebrows suggestively and I was digusted.

"Knicks?" I asked "Why am I knicks and why are you all dressed up fancy pants. I thought you only wore cut offs and sneakers now a days"

"I was planning on spending all day here and then heading to your lover's boy party. But it seems I'll have some time on my hands. Which is perfect because then I can get him a very well deserved birthday present. Unlike some people I know"

I sneered. Of course Leah would tell him she was helping me to get Jared a gift on the last minute. Great. There was no hiding that little fact from my boyfriend now.

"The long face doesn't suit you knicks" Paul laughed .

"GOOD BYE!"And I closed the fucking door on his face. Putting a great value on my persona andmy safety I decided the most safe thing would be staying downstairs and wait for her. There was still some serious yelling upstairs, and being and expert on fights with little brothers, I was aware of how quickly they could escalate.

Finally after what seemed ages, but were barely twenty minutes, Leah was running downstairs looking in a better mood and keys ready in her hand. Guess we were driving up to Forks.

Once I had secured the seatbelt. And Leah had started humming a song from the radio, I braved myself enough to start adressing the matter at hand.

"So what are you wearing tonight?" Okay so maybe some friendly conversation opener wouldn't hurt.

"I don't know Kim"She said in a condescending tone "I don't think much about what I wear anymore. A dress I guess, maybe. I don't know" I guess it might not have been what I was expecting but at least she was talking. "Look this is probably pointless but do you have any ideas?"

I seriously tried to come up with something. Something to make look less pathetic, but my mind was completely blank. "No"

"Fine" She snorted and kept silent for the rest of the ride. Trusting my gut and her sudden change of mood I mirrored her silence. Finally when we got to Forks. She pulled up outside a litle gift shop. There were all kinds of stuffed animals, and mostly mushy stuff guys got for their girlfriends.

"There."She said pointing to the store as I was retarded and thought that maybe it was in the coffe shop where we were getting Jared's gift. If I thought the store was mushy from the outside, on the inside it was worse. I couldn't picture what Leah had in mind but I was almost regretting asking for her help in the first place.

"Leah?"I asked

"Yeah"she seemed to be scanning through the shelves.

"Are we looking or do you have something specific in mind"

"I'm looking" She laughed "And when I find it you'll see it"

"Great"I murmured. There was a cute stuffed panda bear I really liked. It was only eight dollars and if Jared's gift wasn't that expensive I was going to buy it for myself. Actually most of the little stuffed animals were kind of cute.

"Aww"I couldn't help squealing when I found a little brown wolf beanie baby. When I was a little girl I used to love beany babies, actually I had many still. Whatever Leah was thinking I was getting him that.

Leah only scoffed and kept looking, when she saw what I was holding. Finally she gave a triumphant yes, and called me over.

"Here" She said handing me package. "They are called love tokens. He can exchange them for a kiss, a hug, lalala. You get the idea right?" She explaining looking over them longingly.

"That's sweet"I said. It was the perfect gift, something romantic and cute, but not hand made or expensive. Something no one else could get him.

It was perfect.

On the ride back home Leah finally started talking.

"I gave those to Sam on our third month anniversary"She finally sighed "Jared will like them I am sure. "

"Thank you. "I said honestly "I really was lost."

"I understand"Leah sighed. "And the stuffed animal isn't that pathetic" She said laughing. And I laughed, going along with her, now that she seemed a little less brooding. She was all over the place and she was making me nervous

"Paul looked really good today"

"Well.."Leah said "I like him better on the nude"

"Oh my god "I gasped

"Don't act like a prude"She laughed "Because I know for a fact that you're not"

"Hey Leah" I said braving up.

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to get ready at my house?" It was the sacred bond ritual between teen girls. And it could be the first stone ina future friendship.

"Mmmm you can't help it can you?" Leah asked amused.

"What?"I asked feeling afraid if she was going to make feel ridiculous or something like that.

"The girly stuff"Leah laughed "We could paint each other's nails and do each other's hair" She said in a very high pitched voice. I sunk in my seat feeling the heat manifesting in my cheeks.

"My house" Leah said eyeing me amused. The brick was placed. Now I could get to work on the rest.

* * *

Yes her house was definitely one of the bestest ideas she had. Leah had booze, and ignoring my common sense I figured it would be a good idea to drink before the party. By the time I had finished ironing my hair, I was already tipsy or drunk. I couldn't tell exactly or make the most accurate assesment. Leah was very similar to Lexie, hanging out with her was pretty much the same, except for those little moody episodes she would have. They would also happen when we got too close to the _Sam. _So defying the odds and what I had imagined so far. I think we were oficially friends now.

I had borrowed a dress, product of her insistence. And she was wearing my shoes. I actually looked better than I usually did. Maybe a little slutty, some would think, but I liked it. I actually looked pretty, not just okay.

We walked to the party,the boys would probably drive us home. My curfew had been extended until two with the promise that Ade would get me home on time if Jared was not able to. It was quite a relief having my parents up and riding the Jared boat. When we arrived the party was in full swing. We didn't have to ring. The door was open. I had been expecting a small gathering with his closest friends, but it seemed like everyone was here. It was crowded, it was rowdy and it was making me very dizzy.

"Knicks" Someone yelled pulling us into what usually was the study but now was full of people dancing.

"What is this?"I asked looking around trying to spot Jared.

"A party"Paul laughed. His hand was already crawling its way down Leah's back into her ass.

"I'm going to go and find Jared" I said but I wasn't very sure they had heard me.

* * *

I didn't understand why were all these people here. Why had he invited half the school, and after chatting up with a very shy Emily and an annoyed Sam. They had called it a night . Sam had promised to come back and help clean Jared's house. He was not playing good cop tonight, only because it was Jared's birthday and apparently him and Paul had promised to keep things under control. No drugs, and the alcohol had to be kept to a minimum. Not that it would stop people from sneaking in their own bottles. Still I was sure Sam leaving had more to do with a certain twosome who couldn't keep their hands off each other.

One of the participants in said twosome was putting up a show especially for Sam, I was afraid. And it was killing him. So it was best for them to leave.

Besides I finally had the so much needed alone time I wanted with my boyfriend.

"Finally" He said as we sneaked into his bedroom.

"Turn them off" I said leaving my shoes by the door. "We gotta be quick" I whispered feeling a rush of adrenaline, just from knowing there was a sea of people in the house. luckily for me I didn't have to tell him two times. He was colliding with me, landing us in the bed, and kissing me. His hands reached for my thighs crawling their way up and finding the other birthday surprise I had for him.

"Holy mother"He grunted "You're not wearing anything" He whispered before letting his hand work their magic.

"Happy birthday"I panted between short breaths. I was already worked up and I was sure in no time he would have me exactly where he wanted. And where I was dying to get.

"Moore"I pleaded. I let my teeth sink into the skin on his neck to keep myself from screaming as I much wanted to do. The pace of his fingers was driving me crazy and I was not very sure how much longer I could hold for.

And just as the last wave of pleasure hit me and I found release, there was a loud knock on the door. Jared who didn't even seem that drunk kissed me before pulling down my dress and going to the door and see who it was.

"Paul"Jared groaned."Get lost"Paul seemed to say something but I didn't have superwolf hearing

"Fine. We'll be down in a minute." Jared huffed.

"What's wrong?"I asked getting up and pressing myself against him

"We have to go back. "Jared said kissing me again "I'll guess this will have to wait."

"It's okay, it's your birthday. You should enjoy it with everybody" I said putting my shoes back on.

"It's good seeing everyone again" He smiled as we left his bedroom. Right. I had forgotten Jared used to have many friends before the whole wolf thing. A whole life before me. I knew some of them. But we didn't actually move in the same circle.

I prepared myself for the worst. I was going to have to sit there and be judged by his friends. His lifetime long friends.

Just when I thought I was done with the judging. I had to do it all over again.

* * *

"Aren't you excited about it Kim?"Cynthia asked. Leah glared at her, from her sitting place in Paul's lap. And I just stared having no idea what the hell was she talking about. Cynthia, Paul's ex girlfriend, Leah ex girl-friend apparently. And Jared's friend... how had I forgotten that little detail....

"Yeah" I said reaching for a glass of someone else and downing its contents. This sucked. We were sitting in the living room, surrounded by Jared's friend, some of them, the boys especially were Leah's friends too. But since I had arrived it was very clear I was not very well liked.

Apparently I was blamed for Jared's absent period. They hadn't so much said it, Jared would've snapped. But they had implied it, especially Cynthia, who apparently was still harboring some kind of hate and resentment for what I had done months ago with Paul.I really wasn't cut for dealing with subtle attacks, smirks, scowls when Jared wasn't looking and double entendre phrases that were meant to ridicule me. The worst part of all was that I didn't want to seem like a wuss and leave. But I honestly felt like crying and going home. I didn't feel comfortable under the judgemental stares of all of them.

"See Jared you should play" Matt said punching Jared in the arm "You're all buffed up now. And the team needs you"

"Maybe Kim can join the cheerleading team"Cynthia smirked. "I mean I've seeing you dance but you do have some school spirit"

"Right so her and Jared can turn into one of those ridiculous cliched couples" Leah snorted

Cynthia laughed "You're right, we wouldn't want her to end up like you and Sam."Leah's drink was instantly splashed all over Cynthia's dress and the latter was shrieking, horrified with the prospect of her dress being completely ruined.

Paul tried to restrain her arms and pull her back. And that only seemed to spite Cynthia even more.

"Come on Leah. That was not cool" Jared said offering some napkins to Cynthia. "You both need to cool it off. "

"Let go Paul" She got out. Leah stared for a moment and Cynthia studying her, she started to lose the scowl when she looked at Jared and then at Paul and back at me. Before any of us where in the joke she was laughing in that evil and scary way only Leah managed. Like a true villain.

"Green doesn't suit you"Leah smirked "I should've figured it out sooner"Leah laughed again. Cynthia only seemed to get even redder.

"Leah?"Paul asked unsure.

"She's just being a bitch because she couldn't keep you or Jared"Leah declared, and when Jared's eyes popped out and Paul swore, she realized she had said something she wasn't supposed to.

"Jared?"I whispered confused, what did Cynthia had to do with him."You were Paul's girlfriend"I stuttered.

"And I was dating Jared when you were kissy kissy with him"Cynthia smirked pointing to Paul and obviously pleased with how the tables had turned.

"Kim..."I heard Jared say

"And I'm not jealous"Cynthia declared proudly "You can have my sloppy seconds"

"Kim!!!" I didn't want to stay and hear anything else I locked myself in the bathroom sinking to the floor, not being able to supress my sobs. It was not that he cheated or anything. It was the humillation, and my insecurities coming up, the alcohol, and the guilt. It was everything.

* * *

"Kim we're here"I woke up in someone's car. I was a little fuzzy about the details on what had happened. I remembered getting out of the bathroom, fighting with Jared and then drinking myself again until alcohol felt like water going down my throat.

"It was stupid" I said to nobody.

"You cousin called your mom and told her you were staying at Madison's." Paul said. I looked around, but it was only him and me in the car. He looked tired and handsome. I had to do a double take, it had been so long since I had thought of Paul in that way.

I was drunk, completely drunk. Moral compass thrown away. This was not good.

"Thanks"I murmured opening the door immediately, and tried to get out, unfortunately I landed flat on the ground

"Kim!"Paul jumped out of the car and in an instant he was at my side. My nose was hurting and I quickly felt the liquid trickling down my upper lip. The smell filling my nostrils. I was bleeding. Shit

"You're a mess" Paul murmured pressing a napkin to my face. I broke out crying again.

"Kim what the hell are you doing"He sighed patting my shoulder.

"I don't know"I croaked. A question many people had asked and one I didn't have an answer for "Leah I could handle "I started the word vomit "But Cynthia and Leah and who else,all of them beautiful. I just ..."

"He imprinted on you. You're pefect for him"Paul said giving up and sitting next to me in the street.

"Imprint. Don't you see he loves me because of the wolf, he would be with Cynthia or someone else as beautiful as them if it weren't for the imprinting. And I hate that!"I yelled. "Like how Sam loves Leah even though he imprinted on Emily."

"Sam doesn't love her"Paul's said his voice getting lower.

"Pleeeasee"I said "If I got paid a dollar for everytime he looks at her with loving eyes, I would be a millionare right now. Open your eyes Paul. People who imprint can love on the side, can like someone else..."

"They can"I sobbed. I looked up at Paul's face, the poor sucker was in it for more than the physical. I wasn't surprised, guess girls like Leah and Cynthia could have that effect on people. He had fallen for both and only snogged me.

"Paul"I said looking up

"Are they really that much prettier than me?" I asked.

"Kim you're beautiful" He said, and I couldn't help my hand reaching to push back his hair as I usually did with Jared.

"What are you doing?" He said pulling back, immediately. I broke into more crying, at the rejection. Not seeing how wrong it was for me to even attempt it.

"Don't cry, look everything will work out."He said leaning again and pulling me up again. Uncharacteristically for him he wrapped his arms around me in an awkward hug and let me sob.

"You should go inside"He said. I shook my head and as he brought my chin up, I was closing the distance between us.

"Kim"He said sternly taking a step back and I was breaking in sobs again. And then poof. He was being tackled taking me to the ground with him. Someone had appeared out nowhere at his side.

Jared.

The shit was about to hit the fan.

_Game over Kim._

* * *

**a/N: Okay so cynthia is the girl Jared was having sex with when he imprinted on Kim. I know many things in chapter seem random but as you've been seeing I bring them back into the plot because that's how i think life works. paul doesn't like kim, and he was not going to kiss her or anything. unfortunately for them it was very bad timing. the fight and what happened between jared and kim before will be on next chapter. will try to post this weekend. hopefully. **

**tomorrow new moon movie, im so excited hahahaha**


	26. Wish it away

**a/N: JARED'S POV it took me more time than I thought but here it is. thank you so much for reviewing im like a wow, and surprised so many of you like this crazy fic**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**26. Wish it away.**

Her eyes.

They said it all. I didn't need to ask if something was wrong. I knew the moment she stepped out of that bathroom that something very bad was happening. I spent most of my time gazing into those eyes, I knew her more than she thought possible. And something had been wrong since she came back. I had been too afraid to press on it or push her. But something in Kim had changed. And it was time to face it.

"Kim"I tried. But Leah was using her arm keeping me at bay. As Madison and her cousin Ade planted themselves, each on one side like bodyguards. Kim looked up at the sound of my voice,her breath catching in her throat before she broke into a new wave of sobs.

At this I was at her side but she was recoiling from my touch. Madison whispered a simple not now Jared but I was not listening.

"I'm sorry"The words left me before the sentiment had formed. But if I was the guilty cause of her distress, she needed to know I hadn't meant it.

Kim only shook her head repeatedly and fast,turning her back on me completely.

"I don't care"She mumbled "I need to leave" The second statement directed to Ade who immediately after glaring at me announced he was going to get the car.

"Please Kim"I tried again "It didn't mean nothing"

"I don't care"This time it was more loud "It's over"I just couldn't understand any of it. It didn't make sense, my mind was being bombarded with memories. questions, and Kim's faces .

"I love you"A desperate cry for salvation. She had to be kidding, or drunk. She couldn't be saying it not now. Not after everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry"She said going back for the quiet tone.

"Then don't"I said starting to get visibly upset "Just..."

"Just what?!!"She snapped

"I don't know" I said in all honesty "Make it stop"

"I can't"

"Kim you know..."

"No, just shut up!"She yelled "Shut up!! I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear you..."

"Why are you being so mean?"I had no control of the words that came tumbling down my mouth. It was like my brain had disconnected from my vocal cords.

"Because I'm a bitch" She snapped "And it's time you open your eyes. I am everything you thought I was before. A drunk slut moody bith. Nothing's changed"

"The hell it has!"I yelled back "You're Kim and you're perfect and"

"I'm not perfect!!!I won't ever be perfect and you need to open you fucking eyes"

"Then why don't you just open them for me. Talk to me Kim. Stop yelling and trying to make it go away. It won't go away. You know it"

"How I wished it just would" I knew I had to keep her with me, even if it was by yelling. And I would've kept yelling back at her, countering her words if that would've made her stay..

Because if she walked away right now, looking back at me like that....

If she walked away with those eyes.....

"No!!!"I yelled as I saw her being held by Leah. Her face hidden on Leah's shoulder, quiet sobbing filling my ears and killing me at the same time. Leah was looking at me ashamed, and she should have been, she had caused this mess in the first place. But before I could do something, I was being restrained and pulled out into my backyard by Sam and Paul. While Leah dragged a sobbing Kim in the opposite direction.

"You need to calm down"Sam barked.

I ignored them pacing through the garden letting out a scream of exasperation. I needed answers.

"Paul"Sam said and I saw Paul nod and go back into the house.

"I have to talk to her"I said through gritting teeth.

"You need to cool down first"Sam didn't budge. And I knew it was useless, he would use the command if he had to. And he was partly right, I was a danger right now to her. I needed to calm down.

"What am I supposed to do?"I finally asked giving up and sitting on the floor.

"I don't know"Sam said in an exhausted voice. "Imprinting it's hard at first, but it gets better with time. Kim is really young and immature" I tried to protest but he silenced me with his hands. "You are not that different. It takes hard work Jared and eventually things will fall into place."

"Will they?"I asked.

"They have to"Sam said sternly "She's just a teenage girl who has an unhealthy habit of drinking a little bit too much. It's just high school drama Jared She and you will get over it. You just have to be patient and be there for her. It goes both ways"

But I was not so confident. This need and pull was not breakable. And it didn't feel so healthy either. Imprinting was like an amplifier, every little thing or mishappening, joy or problem was magnified a thousand times under it. Things were not lingered between Kim and I complicating things. I knew they had to eventually calm down. If this was my soul mate my other half, we couldn't spend the rest of our lives going back and forth like a yo-yo. Sam was right on all accounts. Kim was immature, she was seventeen. You were not supposed to figure out your life at that age, although she supposedly had. I wasn't stupid. I knew of her plans and dreams. I was just hoping that now she would include me in them. But she kept finding new ways of pushing me away at the most random times, and with the most confusing signs.

I knew the pregnancy scare had sort of freaked her out. It had freaked me out. But it had been just a scare, and I didn't think it was that. Because she still had sex with me. It's like I said, random times, with random moods. I just couldn't figure out the why behind it.

My house was already empty and I wasn't up for cleaning, but I had to because my parents would be back tomorrow and I couldn't let my mother see the house upside down. Finally after some thorough cleaning, Sam's cellphone started ringing.

"Hey"Sam said flipping the small thing open.

_Hey Sam, could you ring Paul and tell him to drop my cousin off at Madison's. I already called my aunt. _

"Okay" I watched Sam anxiously as he hung up and dialed Paul's number. I deduced Kim had gone with him and Leah.

"Paul, where are you at?"

_A couple of blocks away from Kim's house. Im dropping her off._

"Ask him how is she?"I insisted

_I heard him. She's sleeping it off. But she's okay _Paul said before Sam could ask the question. I let out a relieved sigh, and sunk back in the couch.

"Ade called, can you drop her at Madison's instead?"Sam said.

_Okay I'll see you in twenty then._

"Make sure she gets inside safely"Sam instructed. No more words were exchanged and I was left thinking that I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I had to double check and see her now.

"Sam. I just want to talk to her and make sure she's okay"

"Paul said she's fine"

"Please Sam"I begged and I suspected if it was about something else, he might have not caved in. But imprinting was the only soft spot with Sam. It was really hard for him to stay impartial when it came to it. And I wasn't ashamed to say I used whenever I could.

"Fine. Just talking and don't take too long. I'll see you and Paul here"I decided to walk there. It was late and the sound of a car and the lights would attract unwanted attention from the neighbors mine and Madison's.

I tried to put my ideas in order. I was hoping her hysteria had disispated and we would be able to talk. About what, I wasn't sure. But I didn't want any more of it. Of this non sensical fights.

And from the many different things and pictures I had came up with the help of my wild imagination. I had certainly not pictured what my eyes spotted as I turned into Madison's street. I was not expecting to see my imprint being held by Paul as she cried. I started walking faster, and I froze when I heard her stop. And a single action was all it took for me to break.

Kim leaning into Paul's face.

A part of my mind registed that Paul had pulled back. I think it was that what kept me from phasing. But not from wanting to kick his sorry ass.

Unfortunately I realized my mistake too late. After taclking Paul I had taken Kim with us to the floor. And she was wincing in pain looking at her newly scraped knee trying to hold back her tears. Paul was immediately forgotten as I had to make sure there were no other injuries I had inflicted upon Kim. My anger kept aside as I pulled her leg trying to examine it.

"Don't touch me!"She yelled angry. But I was not listening to her. I was up and lowering my arms to lift her off the ground effortlessly and placing her in the trunk of Paul's car.

"Jared"It was Paul but I had no patience or head to deal with him right now. Madison's outside light was turned on and she was running towards us, in a bathrobe.

"What are you still doing here?"She hissed. But she had noticed Kim's scraped knee. "Oh great"

"It's okay I'll take care of it. Can you walk?"Maddison asked. And Kim nodded she was avoiding my gaze at all costs.

"We need to talk" I said through greeted teeth.

"We should go, you can call her tomorrow"Paul suggested but one deadly glare from me and he resigned. He pulled out his car keys and placed them on the trunk "I'll tell Sam" I nodded. Knowing there was another thing I was going to have to deal with.

"We need to talk" I said to Madison. Trying to make a point that she needed to leave

"Not now"Kim whimpered and I growled. Madison seemed to look between the two of us. And she finally nodded at me.

"It looks like you'll survive."Madison takin one final look at the knee" And he's right Kim. You guys need to talk"

"Madison-"But she was rudely cut off by her best friend

"I'll let the door open"She said to me and she walked away not looking at her best friend again. I lifted Kim from the hood of the car, and opened the passenger's door. Settling her carefully and buckling up her seatbelt. I closed the door and climbed into the driver's seat. I didn't start the engine. I just needed to calm down and keep my temper in check. I was too upset to risk of being in open spaces and phasing.

I could distinctly hear Kim's heart rate had not slowed down. She was breathing loudly her heart threatening to escape her rib cage, I didn't know if it was an after effect of alcohol, orshe was just as upset as I was.

"I need answers"I finally said "What the hell was that Kim?" I said not able to keep it inside anymore "You....you were going to kiss him. I don't understand"

"You should"She said finding her voice again "I told you it was over."

"Well it can't be over"I countered growing exasperated at her none responses "It doesn't go away just because you wish it Kim. And you can go ahead and be a spoiled little brat. And get mad at me for no reason. But I'm not going anywhere. In fact we are not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell it's going on with you"

"With me?"She asked in disbelief "I'm not the one the one yelling and tumbling you down"

"Im sorry" I said "But what did you expect? You were going to kiss him. If he hadn't pulled back. How can you just sit there and say something like that..."

"Because apparently I'm a spoiled brat. You just said it yourself. Didn't you?"

"You can't do stuff like that"I said my stupid emotions leaking "The thought of seeing you with someone else is unconceivable. I love you so much Kim. I..."

"Jared.."

"Today was my birthday. And maybe I was being selfish but I wanted you with me. And you just..."

"I did nothing!!"She yelled "You wanted me to meet your friends. Well gues what they don't like me. And then you make me talk to her. The girl you were too busy screwing to notice me."

"She meant nothing" I said raising voice

"Like I would believe you"Kim laughed in sarcastic way

"Why would I lie?"I yelled this time "I have no reason to lie. I've told you repeatedly how much you mean to me. How-"

"Spare me the imprint bullshit"Kim interfered. "I noticed you from the beggining. I didn't need some stupid magic telling me to like you."

"You can hold that against me"

"This is not working."

"It has to"

"Well it doesn't because I can kiss other guys, and what are you going to do? Punch them in the face. Are you going to go around beating guys. Am I allowed to do the same with every whore you have ever slept with?"

"It's different" I said. And it was obviously the wrong thing to say. Because her anger only flared up"Really?"

"On a second thought maybe it is. Because you can't see girls because of this imprinting crap. Well newsflash I can see guys and I can lie and do all others kinds of stuff to you. You can't. So maybe you can't get rid of it. I can"

"Kim what are you saying.." I wasn't processing her words. She could see guys? and lie? And..

"You think you can't leave me?"She said her voice starting to break "Are you completely sure?"

"Yes"I said feeling an unpleasant feeling on my stomach. The car felt too small, the air was growing hot, and I was growing nauseated from some unexplainable reason. Kim tried to wipe the tears away but she just ended smuding the eyeliner over her eyes.

"I love you" She said leaning into me, and the pull instantly made me close the distance. The unpleasantness only grew at the contact between our kiss. I knew it was different. And I had to fight the urge of crying as I felt her tears run down my face.

"Please"I wasn't exactly what I was asking for. But at the break of contact she started crying again and shaking her head.

"I don't want it"She finally said "I've been lying "

"About what?"I croaked.

"Everything"She said sobbing harder "About my summer, about where I go, who I'm with, about the pregnancy scare"

"You-"I couldn't get the words out.

"I killed it"She said no leaving room for confusions or misinterpretations. "I cheated."

"What?" I said not daring to look at her and find if she was telling the truth or not. "No, no, no.."

"For god's sake Jared"She said exasperated

"You can't. you couldn't you."

"But I did"She cried loudly. "I did I had an abortion and I've been kissing random guys. Because I don't want you anymore. Not now or forever.."

"No you're lying"I yelled.

"Open your eyes. I'm not"She yelled back

"You just said you loved me"

"Well I lied"

"No"

"Yes. I'm letting you go. I don't want to be tied to you and stay here. I want to have a normal life without legends or magic getting involved."And nothing of what she said now sounded like lies. She meant it.

"Maybe if you ever forgive me, we could be friends"

"No."I repeated "I've already forgiven you"I said blankly even if I didn't want to. Even if I wanted to hate her for all the words that had sprouted from her venomous mouth.

"You can't forgive me"Kim said "No one in their right mind would forgive for me that"She yelled

"Imprinting remember"I said hating the word more than ever.

"This only proves my point."Kim sobbed "You don't deserve this."

"No I don't" I said agreeing with her, I had only gone out of my way trying to please her, and she had not even tried. On the contrary she had found the perfect way to ruin what little relationship we had.

"I'm-"

"Don't even say it, if you don't really mean it"I spat "You want a normal life? Fine go and have your normal life. I promise I'll stay out of it"

"Jared"She said trying to reach for my arm. But I flinched away from her touch. Turning my face to the othert side.

"Just get out"

"Jared"

"You're free. Go"And she was. Imprint or not. She was free. I wasn't going to force her into something she didn't want. I wasn't going to beg for something the rest of my life. It was up to her. And she had decided that she didn't want it. And while it was ripping me apart, I turned the engine and drove away. Kim Connweller could do as she pleased. Because while I couldn't hate her.

I could hate the imprint.

I would hate the imprint.

* * *

**a/N: okay so i know the fight, break up it's a bit confusing, but it came out like 's like kim can't really make up her mind, and she's just acting and saying things on impulse and well Jared is overwhelmed by all of it.**

**hahaha i hope you liked it if not let me know anyways. and i hope to update soon. christmas is coming and classes are almost over. final exams might slow me down on the updates but i promise i'll try.**


	27. Unfair

**a/N: this is Paul's POV it might be a one time thing only and its kind of a filler chapter.. in the future i might use other characters. hahaha and there's a bit of r material at the end. beware.**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**27. Unfair.**

Life is unfair.

And people wonder why am I so ill tempered. Why can't _I _control myself??

Well I should ask them, why can't they??!!. I mean every god damn problem I have right now is because of them. My life is easy and simple. If I overlook the fact that because there's some ancient magic running through my bloodstream that makes me morph into a wolf, to protect my people from stinky and stupid leeches, there's no real difficulties for me to face. Aside from the big fight I had with my parents after my transformation, my family is pretty tight knit and easy going . I have a little sister and younger brother, who annoy the hell out of me but who I love all the same. I don't do that bad on school either. And up until now I was planning on getting a bachelor degree on a community college, and keep my father's hardware store up and running. Which I will probably still do except for the going to community college bit.

And when I found about the imprinting. I liked the idea. And not for the fact that I wanted to meet my soul mate or something corny like that. But because of the many advantages it presented. First getting married was in my plans, and what better way to find a wife than having some weird wolf vudu choosing the perfect girl for you, sparing you from dating or having to learn to love her. Second I finally had a legitimate reason to hit on girls on a constant basis. I had to make sure I was not missing _the one_. And thirdly and most important I could sleep around and avoid compromise. Actually it made me a sensible guy avoiding it rather than a jerk. No one in their right mind wanted to go through the same thing that Sam went, or put a girl in Leah's position.

But easy has flown out the window. Jared along with Kim have managed to put me in the middle of all their drama. Now not only do I have problems with Jared, and her. But somehow Sam and Leah have managed to get into this mess, and of course held me accountable for things I didn't even do. It seems like they all received a notice saying:Want someone to blame? Point your finger at Paul. I'm actually been harrased by Kim's friends, god forbid they accept their friend is a drunken mess and a slut. No please blame it on me. Even Emily is giving me a hard time, shaking her head in dissapointment everytime I open my mouth.

Forced to run double patrol, baby sitting Jared all the time, not getting any from Leah and being laughed at and glared at school. It's starting to take its toll oin me. It's exhausting and pissing the hell of me. The worst is that I don't see how things are going to get any better. Jared and Kim avoid each other like the plague at school, and if it weren't for the stalking part and the fact that I'm in Jared's head all the time, I would say they're not over each other.

Unfortunately Jared stalks her every single night before we start our after it's ended, it depends. From nine o' clock until she falls asleep we'll watch Kim be. It's sick and twisted and I honestly pity him. No one should have to be tied to a person like that, is like he's addicted and he needs a Kim fix to function properly. And kim doesn't even seem that troubled. The first week, we saw her cry only once and since then she has not shed a tear, she's back to doing all the things she did before Jared. It's like nothing has changed for her.

And to top things, she's just being a royal pain in the ass. I mean, I used to like her. She was funny and pretty and a good laugh. Nothing serious. Like a friend, a very testy one, but a friend. But hell is she wacko and troubled. Jared 's pretty pissed at her theoretically he tries, becaus ehe can't really be angry on practical way. So when he fails he tries to hate whatever makes him want to be with her. Which is not helping much.

And Sam, Leah and the rest of them are just like Jared. They are not mad at her or hating her. Even if they are suffering the consequences of her stupidness. So I think I'm allowed to hate her if no one else is doing it.

Jared didn't come to school today and she keeps looking towards his desk. If you ask me, she has no right and she should be minding her own buissness and I will make sure she knows.

"What are you looking at?" I hiss at her. We are supposed to be doing some equations, but I glance at herworksheet and notice that it's surprisingly empty.

"Not at you, of course"She spats trying to get a grip of her pencil.

"Doubt it"I scoff. "You should sit somewhere else"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Stay away from him"I warned.I liked Jared and I was worried about him. At least when he was not trying to beat me to dead because of Kim

"I'm free to sit wherever I want wether he likes it or not"Kim harsh whispered.

"He doesn't, not that you care. You've made yourself clear" I said glancing at the professor to make sure we were not going to earn a detention for fighting when we were supposed to be working.

"You don't know anything, so just leave me alone"

"Actually I do. I know everything. I share his head"I hissed "And what you did should be unforgivable. if it were me.." I couldn't finish, I had crossed the line. I knew it the moment her eyes started watering and her face went red. Fortunately the bell ringed, unfortunately for her I made sure of blocking her way, making her stay until everyone had left the classroom including the teacher.

"You better listen and pay attention"I started feeling the anger boiling up again through my veins "Stop messing around with us. You've done enough. Get your shit together"

"Is he-"

"You don't get to ask about him. Or how is he doing."I gritted through my teeth.

"Paul I'm sorry"Kim blurted out. I nodded letting part of my anger subside. "I shouldn't have-"I shook my head silencing her.

"I'm sorry about Leah I never meant to-" But I cut her off again.

"It's not enough"I said "Just stay away"I menaced for the second time.

The rest of the day up went quickly and after school was over I made my way over to Jared's house and see why had he missed school. Kara received me with a warm smile but concerned eyes. I didn't need to ask and after some polite chit chat I climbed the stairs to find him sprawled over his bed, staring at the ceiling. I dropped his pile of books on his desk.

"Thanks"He murmured without even sparing me a glance.

"You have calculus, essays for English Lit,History and some spanish excercises" I listed. Taking into the room. At least it was clean. Kara probably wouldn't leave his son mope on dirty sheets or floors.

"Kim kept glancing at your empty desk today" His eyes lighted up at the mention of her name, before a forced scowl took over his features three seconds later, however it was impossible to ignore the change in his voice.

"I don't care"He said loudly. Which in depressed Jaredtongue meant he wanted every single detail.

"I finally gave her a piece of my mind"I said carelessly as I took interest in the corner of the room where there was a pile of Kim related objects.

"Paul" He growled.

"I'm getting sick and tired of her"I complained

"You're sick and tired?"Jared asked as if what I had just said was absurrd and ridiculous "How do you think I feel?!"

"I know how you feel"I dismissed him, that was not important. Why wouldn't I know how he felt, when I was in his big head 24/7. "This is about me, man and the fact that it's beginning to take a toll on me"

"Paul, what the fuck?"This what I was talking about he was now getting mad at me again.

"Can you just break the imprint for everyone's sake?"I asked like for the thousandth time

"I don't want to"Jared murmured

"See this is wrong."I said sitting on the bed "No one should be this fucked up. Maybe Sam can handle it..He's like."

"Older"Jared agreed.

"Not that much, but it's seriously messing up with my head"I added. And it was I was confused and I didn't feel well most of the times. And I was on the verge of calling Leah and begging her to see me. At least for a quickie.

"Forget Kim"Jared said clearing his voice

"I'm not the one hung up with her"I piped in. Jared only shook his head and ignored like most of the people did. "If you want to be with Leah, you should go and tell her, I know she can be a bitch but"

"Wait"I said stopping him with both hands in front of my body "What gives you the idea that I want to be with Leah?"

"I might be a mess but I still listen"Jared said smiling which was a big thing, considering he didn't do that anymore.

"I just like having sex on a regular basis" I explained. "You used to be a guy before Kim, remember? Guys like sex"

"I'm still a guy"Jared snorted

"I differ. You only like sex with Kim"I pointed out. I had suggested a rebound girl, and I had gotten a bloody lip as a thank you

"Well I don't see you getting any with someone else"

"That's not the point"I shook my head "Leah is just angry at me for something I said"

"Asking her if she's still in love with Sam, was not the smartest thing Paul"Jared let out getting up the bed and dissappearing in his closet.

"Do you think that's why she had sex with me? To piss Sam?"I whispered. Jared came out of his closet dressed in sweats and a wife beater.

"Do you want me to be honest?"Jared asked. I nodded.

"No" Jared exhaled "Leah likes you. That's a fact. You should go talk to her."I nodded getting up talking to her sounded about right.

"Thanks"I said "I'll see you at Kim's"I laughed a little bit, and Jared only shook his head.

"Piece of advice"I said once I was almost in the hallway "You should try talking to her too" A shoe was thrown at my head, but escaped easily. Jared would have talk to her eventually. He could keep punching me and throwing things at me, and as deranged as Kim was, she was his imprint. I could dislike her, Sam could think she was immature, but Jared was going to love her no matter what.

I figured I could get something to eat, so I headed over to Emily's. It was easier not going home, because then I would get asked all kinds of questions and Sam was probably at work, so no chance of getting scolded of whatever shit he could come up with. I mean I respected Sam, he was very mature and a great leader, except when Leah or Emily where involved. Then he lost all objectiveness and became a tyran. I was actually looking forward to more of the guys phasing, then he would have other targets to let out his frustrations on.

"Wash your hands"Emily said as soon as she saw me enter.

"Is Jared coming?"She asked. I shook my head

"No he didn't even go to school today" I explained

"That boy"Emily mused as she started putting another seat. "I should talk to Kim"

"Don't bother"Kim was not listening to anyone these days. "Is Sam coming home early?" I asked when I noticed there were three seats.

"No, Leah's coming over. "And the queen, herself could be heard a couple of feet away humming.

"Maybe I could take mine to go?"I asked with puppy dog eyes. It didn't work and I figured the safest thing to do would be sit and pretending nothing was happening. I heard her open and close the door, and then I felt how she stared not ending her sentence.

"What are you doing here?"She barked.

"Oh great you're here" Emily said in an overly sweet voice "Would you mind getting started, I forgot to get something" And despite my offer and Leah's loud protest she left the house with Sam's truck keys.

"I was going to go to your house"I said, but it made no difference. She kept glaring.

"I like you"I blurted out kind of angry she was being so difficult. I hoped this was what Jared meant when he said I should talk to her, I didn't have much to say. That didn't earn me any progress either, she glared if anything more.

"Don't say that"She barked.

"Leah I really-"And I was rudely cut off by her assaulting me. It had to be classified as an assault if she was literally throwing herself at me. My body barely reacted in time to catch her and keep us standing and not making out on Emily's floor.

But it was hard releasing control over to her. So I fought back not caring of the furniture around us. Until I was the one setting the pace.

"Should I-"I breathed when we broke off.

"Just don't say anything"Leah said capturing my lips once again. "I'm not hungry anymore" She murmured in my mouth.

"I am"I smirked "But of another kind" Leah laughed throwing her head back as I kept my hands gripping her butt tightly.

"Want to get out here?"I asked.

"Lead the way"She whispered in my ears, as she suck and nibbled. I had to stop at the door, when I realized I had no car and the woods was stretching it a bit. While I had no problem of doing the deed out there. Leah might.

"Wait"I said placing her on her feet.

"What?" she asked annoyed. Her hair was already disheveled and in the short amount of time, her lips had acquired that beautiful and sexy red tinge, and they were swollen glistening and screaming at me to keep it going.

"Where to?"I said as I tried to think of a place.

"Fuck it"She said grabbing my hand and leading me upstairs. She opened the first door to the right and the guest room, Jared and I had used countless of times to sleep a couple of hours after or before patrolling.

I was going to get into huge trouble for this. But with Leah pulling off her top to reveal her bare chest. I honestly didn't care. Sam could make me run from here to Canada, and it would be worth it.

"Paul"Leah said as I grabbed her around the waist and stole a rough kiss from her lips.

" Leah" I answered with a grin. Stepping towards her and lightly touched her cheek. The touch was feather light. So soft Leah almost didn't realizeI had done it.

The look in the her eyes caught me by surprise. The need was so powerful. "You..." she started, her words trailed off into the room. And it locked me in place, not sure of what exactly was happening. Something was about to change. And for a simple minded guy like myself it almost knocked me off my feet.

Looking at her, I wanted to make her smile. The need for her to smile was overpowering, I couldn't handle that look on her. I needed her approval. Sam was a lucky man He was there first. Leah was in love with Sam, not me. The attraction she had for me was just a fantasy. It was her way of rebelling, and falling for the bad boy. Not wanting to question it further I plunged my tongue into her mouth. My hand snaked around her waist.

Leah wrapped her arms around my neck and held on I took her on a tour that we had not been on in a long needed this as much as I did. The thrill of doing something wrong lifted her spirits and let her fly free. She gasped into my mouth as I slapped her ass but didn't resit. I squeezed and pinche and slowly pulled her skirt up around her waist.

It was easy to worm my way into her panties to stroke the tender flesh. Leah actually growled and nipped at my tongue.

I had to draw back, surprised at the animalistic reaction, the desire in her eyes making my blood boil. Leah only smiled and pulled me back into her embrace as our tongues met again. My finger became wet as I stroked her. She gasped as one of I pushed of them one inside. Her hips pushed into my hands, and my finger plunged deeper. As my thumb rubbed her clit, I inserted another finger into her body making her cry out with pleasure and buck wildly.

I ran my lips over her jaw and moved to her throat. Hearing her blood pumping through her veins, her heartbeat thumping wildly against my chest.

"Faster"She managed to gasp. Instead of letting her have it I pulled my hand completely out riding myself of the jeans and the shirt, and taking her right there in one single movement. She barely had enough air to gasp ar her head went back her eyes closed. A look of bliss taking over her face.

It was hard to be soft and gentle with Leah, she brought a primal side of me. One that wasn't careful enough as it should've been. But she took it better than any of them. I had seen Sam's memories of Emily and Jared's of Kim. Leah didn't bruise, Leah didn't dehidrate like them. With Leah I could let my temper run wild and she would counter back with her own.

And as she clawed her fingernails on my back. My hips meeting her with each thrust. My absence had definetely served for something, she was tight really tight. Which felt amazing and made my ego boost. She probably hadn't been with anyone since our last time. I tries to hold back, letting my thumb find her nub again, working her until she could reach her peak and make me find release.

"Fuck, Paul"Leah gasped her voice constricted "Paul...Paul"She started murmuring between breaths like a chant, and that only send me over the edge

"That's it baby, cum for me Lee"I said closing my eyes trying to keep my pace.

"Paul...paul..paul"It had to be like music to my ears as I heard her. When I felt a slight contraction of her walls. I took out my hand, Leah yelling in despair. I took it as an invitation on her mouth. And forgetting all about the pace, and her demands. I had her where I wanted. I pulled all the way out. Thrusting down and up with my tongue with such force I was sure I had knocked the wind out of her. I forced her leps up flexing her knees so I could thrust in deeper. Fucking her hard.

Leah tried to resist and I could feel her anger as she kissed me back. But after ten fast strokes. She was cumming. She came with a loud "Fuck Pa-" But I had to put my hand over her mouth. She bit one of my fingers, and I growled furiously at her, thrusting in again one final time. Feeling her all around me shake.

After a moment she started laughing. I followed collapsing on top of her.

"What the fuck was that?" She asked as we to push me off. I rolled off her putting my hands behind my head, grinning like a fool probably.

"Amazing"I praised.

"You-ow, I'm gonna be sore," She said in a mad voice Leah like to use when she isn't really mad at all,

"What else is new?"I replied, playing along with her game.

"Except for now. We are never to talk about Sam ever again"I nodded.

"You know I'm going to have to pay with blood for this?"I asked her trying to get her to see how much I was willing to do for her.

"I know"Leah laughed "And I promise I'll make it up to you" Nothing more than that I needed. Jared and Kim were wrong, they were so in love with each other they thought everyone else was in love.

But this was just sex. Beautiful, satisfying, no strings attached kind of sex.

Exclusive, because I've always been selfish. Not sharing food or toys or women.

But if I could still have sex with Leah, maybe life was not as unfair as I thought.

* * *

**a/N: i might start a leah/paul thing based on this, i am not sure how canon this is going to be. so it depends on that. will try to update soon. **


	28. Cold and Cruel

**a/N: so i know it's been like forever since i updated this and im really sorry. because it seems like i picked a day where fanfiction is not working well and this update will probably show like two days late. if it does. wonder why it's been down on the alerts so frequently.**

**Anyways, between christmas break and my newfound glee obsession i sort of lost hold of my twi fics, but this will be finished the hiatus is over. and i apologize in advance if this is not as good as the other chapters. im trying to get back on track. and i want to weekly update if i can.**

**ps: someone nominated this story i was going to post this author's note back in december but never managed to from my phone:**

_okay so this is a very selfish authors note. this story has been nominated by someone wonderful of you for the other side of twilight run by dontcallmeleelee. the thing is it needs 2-3 more votes. so i am letting you guys know if you want to go check it out great place to find fics too. the link is http://forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/66481/20624122/1 an update will come first thing next week when i go back to my got no computer and i discovered trying to type a chapter in a mobile its a futile attempt. ive been writting or more like brainstorming on paper for all my stories so updates will rain this year i belated new year and thank u so much for sticking up with the story_

**anyways i want to thank who ever nominated it even if it didn't make it to the list, when i started this, it was just as a distraction from y other story and im really surprised by the feedback and how many of you alerted this and read it. thank you it means a lot.**

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**28. Cold and Cruel**

"What's this?" I asked getting my hand hurt with one of Mom's many wooden utensils.

"Set the table" My mom replied sternly. I smiled getting out of reach but not without grabbing some strands of spaghetti. Mom ketp humming a song of the radio as she gave the final touches over the pot and another pan. The smell was completely filling my nose, getting to my taste buds, making me salivate already at the delicious aroma of italian food in the making.

"I picked up a movie, ice cream, macarachino cherries, and cookies" My mom beamed. I smiled at the thought of being treated to sweets after a delicious meal.

"Sounds good"I said brightening at the sound of so many things I liked. Mom had used to pamper me with food and those kinds of little details growing up, but since I had started middle school, and gotten bipolar at my eating habits, she had stopped altogether. When I had hit puberty , I had grown very careful with what I ate. Not that I had a balanced diet. Only that if I ate too much, then I would avoid wholesome, greasy meals for several days. Sticking to one meal, grapefruits and lots of water.

"Honey. Parmesan?" My mom said offering and I nodded silently.

"So I saw Jared today"My mom dropped casually at the middle of our pasta. I gulped down the food loudly reaching for a glass of water. I decided not to comment on it. It was the first time my mom was bringing him up since we had broke up.

"He was very polite, he offered to carry my bags to the car"

"Why are you accepting his help?"I nearly screeched "We broke up mom, you don't have to be nice to him"I explained "In fact you have to be the opposite of nice, ignoring him and not talking to him-"

"The fact that you are not speaking to the boy doesn't implicate I shouldn't Kim. That's childish, he has never been nothing but nice and polite to me."My mom yapped "And if you get back together ,how am I supposed to face him after being rude."

"We're not getting back together"I huffed. "You can be as rude as you wish. Besides you didn't even liked him at first, why can't you just go back to that" She dropped her fork in her plate turning to face me.

"Maybe it's time for us to clear the air Kimberly"I had to fight the urge to leave and not wince. My mom only used my full name when she was upset or scolding me.

"Can we just drop it and eat pleasantly?"I didn't want to talk anymore about it. Jared was a subject I had been working hard at avoiding at all costs, with my friends, with my parents and even with my little brother who had dared to ask what had happened to him. I just wasn't ready to talk about him.

"Kimberly"Mom sighed dropping her fork on the plate.

"Mom"My voice Gave me away, croaking over the single syllable. Pleading was all I could do. I felt like a little girl under the scrutiny of my mother's gaze. One more question or word I was probably going to burst out crying.

"Let's eat in peace for now"She acquiesced, and returned to her meal. We stayed on friendly topic. Talking about the articles I had been proofreading on the paper, and my mother filling me with the latest gossip. Still I couldn't shake off the need to be held by my mom. Comforted as the scared child I was reverting to.

The movie was almost finished when I finally broke. I cried like I hadn't for so long. And my mother was very gracious about it. Weaving her fingers through my hair and making shushing noises as she rubbed my back and let me cry on her lap. No questions asked, demands or told you so's. Just a mother comforting her daughter.

When my dad and Colin arrived I had fallen asleep and I was awakened by my brother's snickering. They were still riding high from the Seahawks' game they had gone to. And it was slightly contagious. Dad nudged me lightly and I sat up straight giving him a lazy smile. I saw my mom exchange a worried glance with him. And before I really had time to excuse myself, Colin was pushing one of his dvds and he was on the floor at my feet while my father sat next to my mom. Too tired to argue or make them mad, I laid back again on my mom's lap, and watched 300 for like the thousandth time.

I wasn't alone. I had never been alone, I just picked that moment to realize it. To see that I had a caring family. A family that was going to love me no matter what. A mother that was going to worry and try to make my life better. A father that had high expectations for me to fill to make me the best person I could be. And a little and annoying brother who despite everything looked up to me. And I was thankful for it. For how good I had it.

So I decided I wasn't going to dissapoint them too. I couldn't.

* * *

Senior year was proving to be the worst regarding everything. While I used to like school and spend extra time in the building, this year I was trying to leave as early as I was allowed to. I had quit my painting lessons, there was no point to spending time over somethng I was not really good at , and that I was going to quit once I was finished high school.

Debate club was still going on strong, and there were a lot of newcomers, since most of the club had graduated already. I was on my way to becoming head of the club and it was one of the few things that really made me excited. At least one productive thing had came out from my awful summer. So I didn't mind spending time on the club.

And the paper was pretty much the same, I still wasn't getting any chance to write anything, and since the proofreading could be done at home, with Marian's blessing I no longer went over to the journal room, except for the first meeting of the week. That way I could work at my own pace without getting distracted and most of all I didn't have to see Jared anymore than I already did at classes. It was insane the amount of subjects we were sharing this year, and from Paul's face I was sure Jared was just as bothered by it as me. Paul had become like Jared's spokesperson, and I hated it as much as I needed it. If it weren't for him, Jared's aloofness would've hurt more. At least with the sneers, the whispered insults, and name calling from Paul I knew he was hurting. And Paul was trying to hurt me back.

Maybe it was selfish of me. But I was glad he was hurting. I didn't want to hurt alone. I didn't want to be the only one getting my heart broken. I wanted to know I really had broke his. And I know it sounds horrible, and maybe it is. Maybe I am a horrible person, but the thought of him getting over me is something I'm not ready to deal with. It all seemed so big so epic, that it's unconceivable to think he can get over it if I can't. Even if that's what I said I wanted. I can't be with him, but I can't think of him with anyone else. I know it's only a couple of months and then I'll go to college and he'll stay back, and I'll never see him again. That's what I tell myself, but there's a little voice in my head that's still hopeful.

One annoying voice that won't shut up and thinks he's going to come begging for another chance anytime now. That he'll make a gran romantic gesture and sweep me off my feet. That he'll forgive me and love me as I pictured when I was a little girl. Of course it's the delusional part of me. Because as I see him sitting on the lunch room I know he's not gettin near me anytime soon. And it's not like he has to. Logic dictates that if someone had to apologize and ask for another chance it should be me.

Of course I'm not the most logical person in the world so I ignore that.

"What do you think it looks like?"Maddie's voice breaks my spell. And I'm looking at a pool of colors splattered over a small canvas.

"What's that?"Lexie snorts plopping down next to me and saving me from answering.

"Me expressing my feelings"Madison more like asks rather than answer "I don't know, I spent all night trying to find a figure or something but it just looks like a mesh of blues"

"A sky?"Sara offers "Maybe you could make an ocean or something. I don't know.."

"Miss Patty is crazy, I'll just whine and let her fix it today"Madison place the canvas on the floor and went back to her tray of food.

"Plans for the weekend?"I was asked by Lexie and I automatically nodded.

"Babysitting, parents are leaving for the weekend. Anniversary"I didn't mind having some time for me. Maybe I could do some sister brother bonding to make up to Colin for the crappy sister I had been lately.

"Should we get there at five?"Lexie asked "You know we are sleeping over right?"

"Uh no" I said.

"It's not up to you"Lexie said as a matter of fact "If you are so intent on skipping parties, then we'll have to bring the party to your house"

"Okay maybe not a party"Maddison said sternyl "But you've been holed up in your bedroom for the past month."

"And we're worried"Sarah said.

"It's not like I'm depressed or something"I said defensively turning to look at the three.

"No one said anything about depression, but now that you mention it-" Lexie was cut off by Madison coughing loudly.

"Lex"

"Okay just stop it" I said half laughing "I repeat. I am not depressed.I just don't feel like going out lately that's all. But I promise that next weekend we'll do something. A pre birthday celebration for Madison"

"We can do both"Sara nodded.

"Guys"

"We're not boys" Lexie felt the need to point out. And I knew there was no point to prolong the argument, they were inviting themselves and I could do nothing about it.

"Might as well bring food, Im craving sweets" I was reminded that I always craved sweets. So I put no more resistence and listened to all their crazy plans and ideas for the weekend.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I asked for the tenth time. My brother only groaned and left the kitchen murmuring about crazy bipolar sisters. I ignored him and followed him upstairs.

"Because if you do, I'll call and cancel. You shouldn't have to put up with my friends if you don't want to."

"When have you cared about what I want?"He countered crossing his arms and turning to face me at the top of the stairs.

"Well I'm trying"I glared "You should appreciate my efforts, and stop being a brat"

"You're the brat"He laughed "And bipolar. And if _you _don't want them to come tell them but stop bothering me"

"Colin"

"Fine. I like your friends Kim"He said in a whiny girly voice "I don't mind, as long as they leave me alone." He said seriously

"Besides you need to have fun, before you turn into an angry and bitter shrew"He locked his door laughing before I could get to him. It kind of stung, I was not bitter. Sure I was angry some times, but not bitter. I was convinced the ache had to wear out eventually. I just needed time. Refusing to wait for my friends, I figured I could go and get my own sweets, in case my friends ignored my request.

"I want chips"Colin yelled from the window before I got to the sidewalk I nodde. The convenience store was a long walk from my house, so I tried to use the walk to get a peace of the real world, I turned the volume up on my music player and got lost in the lyrics of Queen's Killer queen on repeat.

_Extraordinarily nice.  
__She's a killer , gelatine.  
__Dynamite with a laser to blow your mind _

Once in the store my cravings got worse and I ended up buying more than I had mind. I placed the items on the counter and drummed my fingers. I was snapped out of it by a gentle nudge on the shoulder.

Almost having a heart attack on the spot. I turned to the lingering hand on my shoulder to see a smirking Leah Clearwater raising her eyebrows at me. I stared, stunned and rendered momentarily stupid. My heart started beating fast and I felt my stomach rumble.

"Pay" She said gesturing towards the boy over the counter. I chose that time to drop my wallet and nodded. It was not that I was suddenly crushing on Leah, but Leah was Jared's friend, and I hadn't exactly spoken to her since the party.

"Sorry"I said to the boy who looked a bit annoyed. I tried to take the money out, but my fingers were not cooperating. I was sure I looked retarded. When I had finally managed to place the money on the counter, my stomach did another flip flop as I heard the little bell on the door ring, indicating someone else was in the store.

"What's taking so long?"I knew that voice. And I felt the blood rush to my face. "Oh I see" I looked down at my feet as I senses him walk behind me and stop next to Leah.

"You're missing three cents."I hated the boy and I was forced to take out my wallet, the zipper on it getting stuck and making me break a sweat literally.

"Jared's hungry"Paul snickered behind me, and I could almost swear he was saying right at me and not at Leah. I heard Leah's soft laugh and I only got more nervous.

"So how you've been Kim"I almost jumped out of my own skin. Putting the stupid three cents. I cleared my throat loudly getting my things

"Fine"I replied shortly.

"Good"She said "Take care" I nodded glancing her way and dreading going outside. Jared was outside. If I was lucky he would be looking elsewhere and I would be able to walk by without him noticing me. It was not likely but I could only hope for the best. So willing my eyes to stick to the floor, with my head down I opened the door, the chiming of the bell making me even more jumpy. And I stepped outside.

It was relatively warm for La Push, and kind of sunny but not enough to make it hot. I felt on the verge of a heart attack as I noticed his feet. I would've reconized those sneakers anywhere. My heart was beating so fast I almost deluded myself into thinking he could hear it. I tried to cross the street, but a car zoomed out of nowhere and I had to step back losing balance, dropping everything and colliding my back against his chest.

"Fuck!"I half cursed almost half cried as I bent down to pick up the things. Another pair of hands were already o the floor with me, and I was trying really hard to keep my face down. I was safe as long as I didn't have to look at him. At least that what I thought.

He gave me the items without a word. I got up and put them back on the bag.

"Thanks"I mumbled. I felt my stomach sink when he didn't say anything back, trying to keep myself from crying in front of him and humillating myself further, I started walking away. I felt even more stupid for wanting him to say something, anything would've done it, so I couldn't help looking back at finding those stupid hazel eyes fixed on me.

I stood for a second opening my mouth twice but without actually saying something. He shook his head and turned his back going into the convenience store.

I could barely walk back home. His silence was heartbreaking. I could feel the waves of anger and humilliation crawling up. Hating seemed better even if I had no right to. It felt better than loving him. If he could be cold, then could definitely be cruel. I was done being ignored.

* * *

**a/N: so if i still have readers, i know you'll be annoyed with kim. hahaha. and she won't really hate jared, she's just projecting the hate she has for how bad she screwed up onto jared. she has faults and she's immature. But that's why I like writting her. **

**I refuse to believe people are perfect. and mary sues. hahaha**

**Jared's only respecting her wishes and what she said. i didn't want him begging and groveling because of the imprint. Kim's the one who was wrong. So for now he's staying out of her life as he promised. Unfortunately or fortunately life is not going to make it easy for him.**

**i know it seems a bit of a filler chapter, and after taking so long to update it's even worse. but bare with me, i promise im not quitting.**

**there'll be a bit of Jared's crazy mom on next chapter. **

**feel free to ask anything...**

**will try to update next week. and to the ones who write you know what makes us update faster reviews!!!.Highly appreciated. **


	29. Not even sorry

**a/N:it looks like im back to my old self. so there's going to be frequent updating i think.....and hope. thanks for the reviews, i was afraid i wasn't going to get readers or reviews for taking so long. **

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**29. Not even sorry**

"Someone please just shut her up"Lexie groaned throwing a shoe in my direction. I only giggled and kept my off key singing.

"I knew karaoke wasn't a good idea"Sara piped in. Madison was the only one playing along with me, and doing some backup dancing for my singing.

"Last song"Lexie warned leaving the bedroom, figuring she was going to the bathroom. Maddie snickered once and mouthed to Sara, just one more. And Sara reluctantly agreed.

"_Let's go now_"I sang

"_Here we go now" _Maddie and Sarah answered as the last notes of the song were heard. I hadn't realized how catchy Mariah Carey's songs were . Wentworth Miller was really handsome and hot. It made me hot, literally.

"Lexie's probably playing videogames with your brother"Sara said. I shrugged, well I could either get mad at her or just dismiss it. It was weird how well they got along. I mean I suspected my brother had a little crush ony my friend, but I really couldn't understand my friend's insistence on hanging out with him. He was little and stupid. All boys were stupid but at least as they grew up it got a little bit better, or if it could be gramatically correct, less worse. At least that used to be my theory. I wasn't really sure of it anymore

I decided to sit for Madison's song. It was something sappy and piniky....well not that word existed but it definitely should. It had to do with pining for my cousin. She was so disgustingly infatuated that even though I was happy for them , I was a little jealous of how easy it had been for them, getting together.

"So I ran into Jared at the convenience store earlier"I said right after the song ended and the bedroom was quiet.

"You what?!" Lexie came in right in time to hear my confession. So I explain the little incident and how nerve wracking it had been, how embarrassed it had made me, and how after looking back, I had came to the conclusion that Jared in all his variations ,only pissed the hell off of me.

"But are you sure you don't like him any more Kim?"Sara asked. I nodded and Lexie high fived for me it. Madison was the only looking at me skeptically.

"Kim's not going to pine for that stupid ass"Lexie said as a matter of fact "And why should she, when he's surely moved on"

"What?" I croaked not being able to help myself.

"Well I hadn't said anything, because I thought you were still lovey dovey eyed for him. But he's a total scumbag, you totally avoided the bullet"

"Last week we spotted him on the beach with the slut and Paul, and some skanky white girl"

"What?"I heard myself asking. "Like in a date?"

"I guess"Sara shrugged "We didn't actually see them kiss Lex"

"She was probably just a friend"Madison piped in, the only one who knew me well enough or was smart enough to sense how hysterical I was growing and the jealousy vibes I was probably giving off.

"Or not" Most definitely not. Of course he would go and do something like that, why had I expected any different, I didn't know.

* * *

Sunday I was forced to go down the grocery store with my mom, to get food for the rest of the week. I had never been a fan of grocery shopping, but I was still strying to avoid any kind of conflict or discussion at home. At first I had been inclined to run the opposite way, I'd been afraid of my mom lately. Fearing any time now she could corner me and bring up Jared again.

And the more I thought about what I would say, the more clear the fact that I wouldn't be ablte to lie to my mother became Sooner or later I was going to spill the beans, just like I had with Jared. The only difference was that in this case I was really going to try to make it to later, and later as in four or five years later, once I was safely out of the house and out of college. There was no need to face the huge repercussions the truth would bring out right now. Losing an alleged soulmate was enough for now.

But my fear was poorly founded since Mom had focused on talking about Colin and his lack of responsability and cleanliness. Typical early teen boy stuff, parents have to deal with. I had tried to excuse him at first, but noticing it was only making her angry, I decided to play along to her concerns, in the hopes of getting out of her a box of my favorite cookies, my cereal and convincing her of getting some microwaved goodies.

We were trying to make an important breakfast decision in the aisle of cereals when I heard her. It was hard not to, since she was yelling at one of the employees just a couple of feet from where we were. Typically paralyzed stupid Kim kicked in, and I was not able of leaving in time. When my brain had de-frozen, she had already seen us and was making her way over with her cart.

Not daring to look up or even talk to my own mother anymore I focused on the fresh fruits and vegetable bags that were piled up in our cart. I had never how interesting the color of plum was, they could look black, purplish, even red when you looked really close.

"Good evening Kimberly" Of course she was going to used my full name. I could play deaf, but my mother would probably slap me for being rude to Mrs. Middleton.

"Mrs. Middleton" I mumbled.

"Kara" My mom said finally looking at Jared's mom and smiling to the terrifying woman. Kara smiled back and leaned into a kiss and a side hug. Say what?

"Shopping?"Kara said pointing the obvious and I rolled my eyes. Really? She was going to do small talk.

"Girl shopping"Mom offered nudging me "Boys stayed home."

" I'm on my own too." Kara said, and anyone could see the stress under her word. "I can't get someone to point me where I can find integral flour"

"Oh on the next aisle." I quickly replied Anything to get her out of here.

"Thank you Kimberly" She almost sounded honest "Lola you should definitely join us for coffee next week. I'll call you"

"Of course."

"It was lovely seeing you Kim" I nodded not being able to return the sentiment. After she left, mom barely made a comment about it and the rest of the shopping was uneventful. We had finished loading almost all the bags on the car when Mom shrieked.

"We have no oil"

"Oil?"

"Yes oil, for cooking Kim"She opened her handbag and gave me a twenty dollar bill, instructing to make a run back to the store to get a bottle of olive oil. I complained all the way whispering non sense.

Securing the crystal bottle of oil I made my way to the register.

I ended up breaking it, thanks to the aforementioned crazy woman. After a huge theatrical production of me screaming, her yelling to the staff. Her refusing to let me pay for it and getting me a new one. I found myself profusely thanking her for everything, even if I knew it had been her fault for scaring me like that.

She must've been secretly enjoying watching me squirm, or probably thinkingworse of me that what she already thought.

"It's nothing Kimberly. It was an accident" Of course not even when she was trying to be polite could she shorten my name.

"Thank you again Mrs. Middleton" I said as earnest as I could muster myself to sound.

"Kimberly wait"She said placing her hand in my shoulder.

"I was wondering if you come over at the house for a little talk" She said leaving no room for a no.

"I don't think that'd be a good idea" I croaked.

"Tuesday after school, Jared will be patrolling and my husband won't get home until night. Sounds good?"

"I don't think I-"

"Great Kimberly. I'll see you there" I didn't argue or said anything back. Kara Middleton was crazy if she thought I was going anywhere near her house. Her son and I had broken up. And whatever she wanted to talk about was something I was not obligated in any way to listen. Let alone be interested in.

* * *

Monday after school. I found myself running out of the school building trying to escape the crazy bitch I had been partnered up ealier on the day.

Continuing with my never ending strike of bad luck. Our english teacher was giving us an assigment, some stupid essay that had to be written in pairs. And my partner was none other than Leah. I was scared, she was probably annoyed. So I suggested a brief meeting on the library at the end of the day so we could go over some literature regarding the subject, split the work and part ways.

Leah of course abandoned the working part ten minutes into the meeting. She closed all books, including the one I was trying very hard to read, but failing miserably due to lack of concentration.

"Enough with the bullshit"I panicked at her sudden outburst, afraid the librarian was going to kick us out.

"Excuse me" I said quickly grabbing the books I was going to need and putting my things away. I always knew when to make a run for it.

She followed my not intended lead, and put away her own things. I got first to the desk to check out my books, and once the lady was done. I was running out of there.

Of course Leah having far best condition and legs that mine, quickly catched up with me before I even had made it out of the parking lot walking.

"I'm only going to warn you once" Leah said through gritted teeth. "Jared's my friend so yo better get your shit together and do something"

"Your secrets, not so secret anymore"Her voice became a little less harsh "I understand why you did what you did. I know messed up. I am messed p. But he doesn't deserve this"

"Well I don't see him here asking for something, do you?"I countered "Besides from what I heard he's already moved on"

"Well you heard wrong. He hasn't. He isn't going to. And it's not because he doesn't want to, believe me"

"I don't care"

"Keep lying to yourself princess"

"Leah I'm really sorry but I don't think you can possibly understand any of it. Whatever happened with you and Sam and Emily is completely different. Besides I highly doubt Jared asked you to talk to me.

"Well you can ask him yourself" Leah snickered, as Paul's car pulled in. I turned to look at both of them, white as ghost. They were arguing on the car. Leah sauntered over the car and after a very loud and clear get out, she got into the passenger's seat..

A reluctant Jared got out of the car watching the crazy couple speed away, the tires screeching as they turned into the street.

"What are you staring at?"I yelled as he just stood there. He didn't answer.

"Whatever, Im out of here" I said.

"Walk away" He yelled "Run away it's what you do best, Isn't it?" The bitterness in his tone caught me by surprise he had never talked to me like that. Deciding to ignore him, because I knew that a confrotation would only lead to disaster I kept walking.

"You were right. You really are a bitch." Okay so he was so not allowed to call me that.

"And you were wrong because you're a an asshole" I said turning back trying to blink away the angry tears. Jared was already there when I turned around and the bastard laughed.

"Really Kim? That's rich. So you cheat and lie and I'm the asshole"

"Yes you are the asshole" I scream "You!"

"Why are you angry Kim?" He laughed bitterly again "If you don't care. Or are you only lying to yourself and you do care? You regret it. What you did is eating you alive"

"The only thing I regret is ever giving you a second glance "I said through gritted teeth. "I'm disgusted with myself for ever thinking you were worth my time let alone my spit"

"Well the sentiment is mutual" At this I laughed louder than he had.

"I doubt it" I said smartly "You're simply bitter you were not good enough to change me"

"I never wanted to change you" It was a low whisper. I automatically lowered my defenses when he dropped the agressive tone.

"Yes you did" I croaked not being able to push the former angry tears, now only tears, away.

"I'm sorry"

"You're not"He said glaring at me "You're not even sorry and that's the worst part of it" He walked away without another glance or word, and I was left to ponder was he right?

No. I was sorry. I was.

But if I was, why did I kept acting like I wasn't?

* * *

**a/N: shorter chapter than usual and it pissed me off writing kim at the end, but ill try to update again this week...if not until next week.**


	30. Intervention

**a/N:it looks like im back to my old self. so there's going to be frequent updating i think.....and hope. thanks for the reviews, i was afraid i wasn't going to get readers or reviews for taking so long. **

* * *

**I go ballistic!!Yeah you make me a crazy chick.**

* * *

**30. Intervention**

_No. I was sorry. I was._

"Jared wait" He was almost on the sidewalk outside of the parking lot by the time I got the courage to mumble the words. From where I was standing I saw him stop, turning his head lightly to the right. That was proof enough that he was listening to me.

"I am sorry"I muttered "I am so sorry. And I wish I could take it all back I really wish I could. They're right, you deserve much better than this, so much better than me" I tried to say if as fast as I could, I wanted to believe he was listening because he had stopped. Even if he didn't turn to face me,he stood still. And that was more than I deserved from him. He was giving what probably would be my only chance to talk to him without actually having to talk to him. My only chance to try to explain...

"I wish there was a way I could explain"And I really did, but I had spent most of my time trying to find an excuse. And the truth was that I didn't have one. I didn't even know what it was that I was trying to explain. The abortion, the cheating, the lying, the imprint "But nothing-" _could make it better. _

"You said nothing"He accused yelling across the parking and walking back towards me. " You said _nothing. _You're right. Nothing doesn't make it better." Jared said exasperated his tone completely bitter. The plane of his face were so hardened, he looked older and menacing. He looked completely different from the boy I had fallen in love with.

"I..." What could I say "What do you want me to say. I am sorry but-"

"Why?? Why Kim?!! I want you to tell my why you didn't want me."He was very angry.

"I don't know" I answered.

"You could've said no when I told you about the imprint"He insisted. "If you didn't want me all you had to do was say so. I would've dealt with it. We could've been friends or something. Why did you felt the need to sleep with god know how many guys to prove your point...Is that why you got rid of the baby? Because you were not sure it was mine?!!"His voice sort of got cut and it came out too rough.

"What??!" I half whispered choking back my own sobs. I had never referred to it with the four letter word. For so long I had called it, _it. _It was an it. Not a baby. "_It _was yours!"

"How many Kim?!!" He said ignoring me." Two?Four?Seven?"

"'I've only slept with you!"I yelled trying to get him to listen. And he only shook his head.

"You are lying"

"I swear"I whispered "It was only you.. I..." I stammered, I din't know what was the point of opening wounds. Although it was probably not opening, it was pretty clear we were both still bleeding. "I didn't sleep with any of them. It was just kissing..."

"How many?" He growled. I could see him starting to shake.

"Does it matter?" I said reaching for his wrist. He didn't recoil from my touch and just nodded. The tremors stopping altogether."It matters to me"He whispered.

"Four" The number seemed too big. But maybe one or two would've sounded just as bad. It was not the number, it what it represented.

"Why?"

"I don't know" I said releasing his wrist and taking a step back. "I was so scared when I found out, and I just knew I couldn't have it and I didn't want to hurt you, so I lied. And it felt so wrong lying to you that I could barely talk to you after it. And then it just spiralled down. I don't know why I did it, you just weren't there and when I came back I just wanted things to go back, but it didn't feel right, because I felt so guilty all the time. And as time passed, the thought of telling you was even more terryfying, and I just kept on lying, until I was lying to you all the time, and I knew there was no going back and sooner and later I was going to lose you. And the day of your birthday" I paused trying to catch my breath "I was just reminded how not good enough I was, and the girls you used to date, and I thought maybe we could go back to that. Both of us. " When I finished, I felt like I could finally breathe. And then I was crying again. Sobbing loudly.

And then all my sobs we being muffled in his chest. His body shaking with mine. And I noticed his heavy breathing. I didn't dare to look up and see if he was crying, it was all too much.

I loved Jared, there was no lying to myself anymore. And he loved me. But not even now after this, could we make things better. I ahd really screwed up, I had destroyed our relationship, and now all we had were broken pieces, that I had no idea of what to do with them. If there was a way we could put together, what I had broken.

If he was ready to forgive me. If I wanted to jump that boat again. If wanted to put up with me ever again..

He held me until I was void of tears. There were no whispers, no looks exchanged. Taking comfort in the closeness of our bodies was the only thing we could do.

"I'm sorry" I said breaking the silence, trying to clean my face as I extricated myself from his hold.

"I have to go"He answered his expression completely blank.

"I know" I whispered.

"Jared.." I didn't know why I called him but his facade broke for a moment and I thought he was going to say something else. But then he was serious and walking away. I had exhausted mysefl crying and my tear ducts were completely dry, so when he left, even if I wanted to crumble down the floor and cry, I willed my legs to move and walk home.

I was drained and numb. I couldn't really even think about anything. I just wanted to get to my bed and sleep to forget.

* * *

The talk with Jared had messed me up pretty badly. Walking into school grounds on Tuesday, and I wasn't sure what to expect, or what I wanted. But when Jared didn't even glance at me, I knew that indifference wasn't it. Paul kept sneering and Leah kept throwing me looks, and my friends were concerned but I couldn't talk to any of them. During English, Leah thank god stuck to working and didn't even bring him up. As the day progressed I thought things might get a little bit better, I was going to try to finish up the project logistics with Leah and then I would be going home and wouldn't have to deal with any of this.

"Should I send it to you or would you prefer me to bring it?"Leah asked tilting her head sideways while biting her pencil.

"Whatever it's fine" I murmured trying to finish the notes on the flashcards.

"Okay then we should go"She said glancing at her watch "My ride should be here already" I tensed up. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of yesterday.

"You can go, I'm going to finish this"I said taking yet another flash card to fill

"No"Leah said closing the book and taking my pen.

"Leah.."I pleaded. Didn't the girl have a little bit of compassion. Was she going to make my life miserable for the rest of the year.

"Kim" She mimicked "Look, he's not coming" She explained. I nodded and sighed. I packed my book and walked out with her in complete silence. Leah looked specially beautiful today I noticed, which only made me feel more inadequate.

I had never wanted to ponder on the idea of Jared and Leah together, but now I could only hope her and Paul were being exclusive. The idea of her, comforting him made me nauseous"

"Hey Kim" I heard Leah groan but I turned to her cousin anyways.

"Hey Emily" I waved back.

"I hadn't seen you like in forever"Emily said stepping out the car. I had nothing against her, so I figured a little small talk wouldn't hurt. Emily, unlike her cousin, had tact, and was polite and nice. I doubted she would bring Jared up.

"Well here I am" I half laughed "How you've been?"

"Very well, thank you"Emily smiled warmly

"How's Sam?" I asked tentatively.

"Working like crazy"Emily said fondly "Things have been a little bit hectic."

"Hectic?"I croaked.

"Kind of. A lot of activity if you know what I mean" I was suddenly curious as to what she meant. I didn't know what she meant. My brain was working fast trying to think of all the possibilities for hectic and crazy. I turned to Leah but she was already in the backseat of Emily's car. I started to panic.

"Kim.."

"Yeah?" I asked watching her walk until she was in front of me.

"I'm sorry.I usually wouldn't do this at all." Emily said slowly "I've been meaning to talk to you"

"Emily"I said avoiding her gaze, she probably knew too. What was with these boys and their unability for discretion.

"Kara called"Emily sighed "She invited us for lunch and suggested we pick you up"

"Emily!"I couldn't believe she would be into Kara's scheme, whatever it was.

"Please Kim, it's just talking"Emily said smiling.

"Drag your stupid ass"Leah yelled from the car "The sooner the better. You're going. Even if I have to drag you to Jared's house myself"Leah laughed. I shuddered, knowing she was capable of it.

"Leah"Emily admonished. As we both made into the car. I pulled out my mobile to call my mom and let her know I was going over to Leah's to work on my English prohject. I couldn't tell her the truth without having to explain.

I felt like a prisoner going into interogation. We got out of the car, Emily at the head and Leah behind me. It wasn't like I was going to make a run for it. The doorbell rang, and almost immediately the door opend revealing Kara wearing an apron.

Formalities were exchanged and we were offered something to drink. Water was my choice. I felt really sick. Like stomach dropping nauseous kind of sick. I was wreck, and had this sudden urge to call my mother to save from these women. For a part facing them, was even worse than facing Jared or Paul, at least I knew they couldn't exactly insult me or hit me, they were men and they were obliged to control their tempers. But women, knew how to get you without even raising their voice or laying a hand on you. Specially women like Leah or Kara.

And Emily, I was afraid she wasn't going to do much for me either.

At first most of the talk was between Emily and Kara. I listened while Leah examined her fingernails. We sat at the table where we were served chicken and rice. The rest of the meal was all Kara yapping about the weather and clothes. I didn't relax at all, I wasnt naive to think I would be save from the third degree.

We finished the food and went back into the living room, where we were served coffee and pie. It was unnerving how grown up the whole thing was. I was seventeen, a seventeen girl drinking coffe and eating pie like I was forty.

"So Kim" I tensed leaving the cup of coffeee on the table and playing with the hem of my t shirt.

"I'm going to be straightforward"Kara started "Obviously I invited you because I wanted to talk to you about my son" I nodded.

"Please Kim you're not here for me to yell at you"Kara said softly her clipped tone abandoning her. She leaned forward and I couldn't help but look at her

"I'm not going to ask what happened."She sighed "That's between you and Jared "I looked up at this and turned to look at Leah who suddenly wasn't insterested in her nails anymore and was sitting laid back watchign me carefully.

"He...he didn't tell you?"I asked

"No."Kara said and it was obvious she was upset her son had not confided in her. But I wasn't. I was relieved she didn't knew. "He's being very stubborn. And I figured you could be more reasonable"

"My son is trying to ignore the importance of your relationship" Kara stated " And I'm afraid in doing so, he neglected to let you know how big of a deal it is."

"The imprint?"I asked since she had paused and was expecting me to say something.

"Yes Kim, the imprint. It's kind of a deal for life, so there's not getting rid of it, or out,basically." She only confirmed what Jared had indeed explained.

"I need your help"I could detect a little hint of her voice breaking." But before I need to ask you something. And I need you to answer me honestly."

"I was under the impression that you were in love with him. That you loved my son"I gulped "Do you still love him Kim?"

"Do you love my son?"

"Yes"I couldn't lie to her face. I couldn't keep lying to myself.

"That's all I needed to hear"She said smiling in a very similar way to how she smiled at Jared."My son is in love with you, but he's falling apart."

"I want my son back. I want my boy back"Kara said "It's killing him. He's alone, broken and pushing everyone away. He loves you and whatever happened I'm sure you can work it out."

"It's really hard for them being away from their imprint"Emily spoke giving Kara time to get control of her voice. "It's more than just heartache if you can call it that. Theirs, is a physical pain, Kim and it's not good."

"Stop dumbing it for her. She's not that stupid"Leah huffed exasperated

"Leah"Emily warned but to no result.

"He's going to break, if you don't make this right. You egoistical selfish bitch!"Leah yelled "You need to make it right, because it's your fault and if something happens to him. I'm holding you responsible, so get off your high horse and start thinking of a way to make it right."

"Leah please"Kara said giving her a stern look "The council is concerned, and we don't want to force you into a relationship or anything you don't want. He just needs to make things right with you."

"Sam and I talked about it, and you could try being friends if you don't want to be romantically involved. But he needs you around and it might be unfair to you but it's the truth."

"And he can't keep trying to pretend otherwise"Leah snorted "But it won't help. God knows he could've done better."

"Stop it Leah"Emily said a little bit louder.

"At least promise me you'll think about it"Kara said. And I found myself nodding. Emily offered to drive me home and I climbed into her car feeling cold as an iceberg.

"I didn't think it was that bad"I whispered once I had put my seatbelt.

"Neither did I"Emily smiled as if remembering. "You know what transpired between Leah, Sam and I. I spent so much time denying him because of her, without realizing how much I was hurting him. By the time I realized it was too late, and I was already scarred. Sometimes I think the scars are the price I had to pay for my wrong."

"Emily no"I said horrified "He couldn't help it neither could you"

"But it doesn't make it any better. At least she forgave me after the accident-" Emily said shaking her head "I could've done it differently. Sam told me what happened. And I'm not going to judge you."

"But I know how overwhelming this love can be" Emily said in a low voice "Especially for you, you've been in love with him for _years_"

"I had a crush on him" I felt the need to say. Years made me sound pathetic. Emily smiled and nodded, but I guess she was just humoring me.

"And I get the whole insecure thing. At least you're pretty and whole. I'm scarred Kim, and Leah, well you've seen her"

"Sam he-"

"Loves her still" Emily said cutting me off "And I can deal with it. This is what most people spend their lives searching for. I was blessed to have it at the age of nineteen. You could have it too, if you want it. He's always going to be there, in the wings waiting for you"

"He loves you"Emily repeated "And he would do anything for you. I can see you love him too. I saw it the first time we met and went to the cliffs."

"I love him I do" I said for the second time in a day "But what I did was horrible Em, and I don't think he could ever love me like he did before"

"Why don't you find out?"Emily asked pulling into my driveway. "You guys are seventeen you have a life ahead of you, and this won't be the last mistake either of you make, but you have to try. You already have it, you just need to take it."

"Think about it Kim. Figure out what you really want and when you do. Go find him and make it right. He can't keep up like that for much longer. It's not healthy"

Health. What I certainyl lacked. And what apparently so did he.

Was I finally done?

Playing stupid games, and lying to myself and others.

_Maybe I was._

_

* * *

  
_

**a/N: so this turned out to be something other than to what I had in mind. special thanks to harryandjameluver for pointing out what I was already afraid of. And I'm trying to make it right now!! I hope you like it. and i think it's safe to say we're on the verge of starting the path towards redemption.**


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